Putting a blanket over my boss so he thinks it’s night time and goes to sleep.

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This too shall pass… It may pass like a kidney stone, but it will pass.

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SEO experts be like: I was eating a banana when my traffic increased, so bananas are definitely a ranking factor.

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Amazing how fast my addiction to my phone is cured the moment I get a phone call.

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After much deliberation, I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m an overthinker.

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I’m stuck between “I need to save money” and “You only live once.”

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I wish my hair had as much volume as my mouth.

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No matter how much Polynesian food you eat, you always want Samoa.

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Being single for Valentine’s Day is way better than being in the wrong relationship.

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I use subtitles so if I learn anything interesting I can say “I was reading about” instead of “I saw on an episode of Love Island”

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In the event of a tornado or other such natural disaster, place wieners and/or cheese slices in your pockets, so the search dogs will find you first.