Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇴 has viewed:

You know Santa isn’t real because no man over 40 is out past 9PM.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has downloaded:

Please, Tinder, add AI to your app. I don’t want to be involved in the modern dating experience. Let a robot do it for me. Let the machines suffer in our place.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has viewed:

We can’t use nicknames at work anymore, and I blame Teletubby.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has bookmarked:

My spirit animal is a sloth on its fourth nap of the day!

Someone from 🇾🇪 has downloaded:

If you get hangovers, it’s because you drank the beers with impure intentions and heavy karmic debt.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has viewed:

My tween would like you to know I ruined his life when I told him to stop being super sus and cringe and be more lit yo.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has shared:

I thought my friends in their 60s were making love in the other room but they were just putting on their socks.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has shared:

Lasagna has never broken my heart. Just saying.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has viewed:

The only person I ever call is my wife, and that’s just when we’re trying to find her phone.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has bookmarked:

Can I come over and figure you out?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,310

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Messenger:

Potatoes make French fries, chips and vodka. It’s like the other vegetables aren’t even trying.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Nobody is more cold-blooded than a toddler, just saying what they see and feel.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

My love language is caffeine and being left alone until I’m kind again.

Just shared via Facebook:

I purposely overcook my holiday turkeys so I don’t have to hear anyone at the table say, “moist.”

Live now on Slack:

The worst part of a fender bender is having to get out of your car and meet a new person.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Sorry, can’t. The pears I bought a couple days ago have ripened.

Just landed via Pinterest:

While you were rotting and wasting your life away, I was doing the exact same thing.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Remember when the FBI would threaten you at the beginning of every VHS tape? That was pretty cool.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

The place where you pour in the gas is the car’s gasshole.

Live now on Discord:

I can’t go to war, I have to water my plants.

Real yearners know yearning is not actually fun.

4 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Yearning: the only workout where the heart *and* the imagination get a cramp! 💔🤔

actually, fun, humor, irony, know, real, yearner, yearning

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Probably the most humiliating thing that can happen when you die is that you come back as a fitted-sheet ghost.

0

2 months ago

afterlife, back, death, die, embarrassment, fitted sheet, ghost, humiliation, humor, irony, thing
Automated phone system: To speak to a representative, please enter the last twelve digits of Pi.

0

2 months ago

automated, automated system, enter, humor, last, phone, Pi, representative, satire, speak, system, technology
I grew up in a really small town. The closest thing we had to food delivery was someone egging your house.

0

2 months ago

childhood, delivery, egging, food, food delivery, house, humor, i, life, rural, rural life, small, small town, someone, thing, town
I feel like this holiday season, it’s important to remind people of the true meaning of Christmas: ghosts terrorizing rich people in the middle of the night until they agree to pay their employees more.

0

3 weeks ago

agree, Christmas, commentary, employee, employees, feel, ghost, ghosts, holiday, holiday season, humor, i, important, meaning, middle, night, pay, pay raise, people, person, raise, remind, rich, rich person, season, social, social commentary, true
Hey, people, my age. Remember going into the computer lab at school?

0

6 months ago

age, childhood, computer, computer lab, going, humor, lab, memory, nostalgia, people, remember, school, technology
Sorry I was late, I was waiting for my CVS receipt to finish printing.

0

2 months ago

CVS, excuse, finish, humor, i, late, printing, receipt, sorry, waiting

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

34 shares on Messenger this month:

The fact that I have more clothes to sleep in than I do to go out in says a lot about who I am as a person.

61 shares on Telegram this month:

If you see me looking zoned out, it’s because I’m having a therapy session with myself in my head.

92 shares on Slack this month:

Wish I could get paid just for being a sweetheart.

97 shares on Reddit this month:

I dreamt this night that I had died and when I woke up, a piece of me was actually already stiff.

90 shares on Slack this month:

You look like you can go as yourself for Halloween.

59 shares on Snapchat this month:

If I could go back in time, I’d probably stop Bruce Willis from saving us from that asteroid.

98 shares on Pinterest this month:

Yoga is just slow motion breakdancing.

37 shares on Snapchat this month:

People who listen to their sad playlist when they’re happy are a different breed of unstable.

93 shares on WhatsApp this month:

How lazy are you?” I greet people by raising my eyebrows.

77 shares on Facebook this month:

Going to hack Kanye’s account and make him post something normal.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇾 has downloaded:

I always bring luggage when visiting my mom because I know she’ll send me on a guilt trip.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has downloaded:

Being an adult is mumbling ‘this is stupid’ as you reluctantly slide out of bed.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has shared:

My biggest fear is waking up and being in the Renaissance era or something. Imagine having the knowledge of hot dogs but lacking the tools to make them.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has bookmarked:

American Feng Shui is when the grill doesn’t wobble.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has bookmarked:

Don’t go keto, go pirate. Rum, fish and beef jerky diet.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has viewed:

Animals be 15 minutes old and already know what to do.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has viewed:

Some of you need to clean your room before you take a selfie.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has viewed:

Sorry, can’t. I’m too busy growing new neural pathways to make space for a stranger’s opinion. Evolution takes bandwidth, man.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has bookmarked:

Day 12 without chocolate: Lost all hearing in my left eye.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has downloaded:

No one trashes your name better than the person who is terrified that you are going to tell people the truth.

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Reddit:

Cars should have two horns, one for “excuse me, kind friend,” and another for “curse you and your family for generations.”

Trending via WeChat:

That awkward shopping moment when someone is standing in front of the items you need and you pretend you’re shopping for something else because they just won’t budge.

Broadcasted on Reddit:

Doing dishes is like fighting a hydra — wash one, and two more appear.

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

Needlenose in HR says we can’t use nicknames anymore.

Trending via Messenger:

I probably think this song is about me.

Spotted on Snapchat:

Like an advent calendar, you make me want to open up more every day.

Spotted on Reddit:

I have a yearning disability.

Just landed via X:

I hate the saying: “Get up, the sun is shining!” What am I supposed to do? Photosynthesis?

Live now on Telegram:

That moment when you cut into a seedless watermelon and find out it’s only allegedly seedless.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

The feminine urge to be the most feared witch in the village.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Real yearners know yearning is not actually fun.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Probably the most humiliating thing that can happen when you die is that you come back as a fitted-sheet ghost.

Automated phone system: To speak to a representative, please enter the last twelve digits of Pi.

I grew up in a really small town. The closest thing we had to food delivery was someone egging your house.

I feel like this holiday season, it’s important to remind people of the true meaning of Christmas: ghosts terrorizing rich people in the middle of the night until they agree to pay their employees more.

Hey, people, my age. Remember going into the computer lab at school?

Sorry I was late, I was waiting for my CVS receipt to finish printing.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨