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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇬 has viewed:

Sorry, can’t go out tonight. My bed told me it needs me, and I can’t let it down.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has downloaded:

It’s crazy how genuinely entertaining it is to stare into an open fire. That’s some real epigenetic memory shit.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has copied:

Forgetting to put jewelry and perfume on is literally the worst feeling.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has bookmarked:

Holding this fart in feels like I’m pregnant with a dinosaur.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has bookmarked:

One thing nobody gives pigeons enough credit for is their ability to get out of the way on the sidewalk. A lot of you could learn a thing or two from them.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has downloaded:

Mouse in a conference call: hold on, I’m gonna put you on squeakerphone.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has copied:

Sorry for the things I said when the internet was down for 10 minutes.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has bookmarked:

What if they close grocery stores and we have to hunt for our food? I don’t even know where the little gummy bears live.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has viewed:

Sex so good, my left hand is making my right hand a sandwich.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has viewed:

Imagine she’s home alone, bored out of her mind, and she STILL won’t put that laundry away. She is me.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

629 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,222

Funny Quotes Topics

17,352

Funny Quotes Images

15,222

Updated

Dec 30, 2025

Users Online

3,996

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Twitch:

Next time you think I am flirting with you, ask yourself if kindness is so rare in your life that you mistake it for desire.

Shared recently on Slack:

My parents didn’t raise me to be rude, I had to practice.

Just landed via Slack:

All billionaires must submit a list of five things they did for society in the last week or their wealth shall be confiscated.

Spotted on Reddit:

The hard part about dating is finding someone who’s mentally ill enough to understand you, but not mentally ill enough to ruin your life.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

One downside of marrying a doctor is you have to give up eating apples.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

I’ve got a couple of eyebrow hairs that want me to be a villain.

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

I don’t mind being fully naked or my top half being naked, but I hate being naked from the waist down only. This is why I could never be a cartoon duck.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

I woke up, got out of bed, and had coffee. I think that’s enough for one day.

Trending via YouTube:

What have I done to deserve this? Oh yeah, right, I remember.

Making waves on Snapchat:

Retiring my wallet condom after two years of active duty. 87 tours with 0 combat deployments.

SEO experts be like: I was eating a banana when my traffic increased, so bananas are definitely a ranking factor.

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SEO experts be like: I was eating a banana when my traffic increased, so bananas are definitely a ranking factor.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
🍌🤓 "When it comes to SEO, some experts are truly bananas! 🍌🤪 Who knew that a simple fruit could be the secret to skyrocketing traffic? 🚀😂 Don't be surprised if you start seeing 'banana optimization' guides popping up soon! 📈🍌 #SEOBananaRankingFactor"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

50 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Do you enjoy addiction, anxiety, and urinating? Then coffee may be the beverage for you.

29 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Sex is great, but have you ever started slowly picking up speed after sitting in a traffic jam?

23 shares on WeChat this month:

I used to love going out with people. Now I weigh the pros and cons of human interaction, like it’s a business decision.

73 shares on LinkedIn this month:

This heat made me realize I won’t survive in hell, I gotta change.

54 shares on Discord this month:

I won’t bore you with my problems because all of my problems are fascinating.

69 shares on WeChat this month:

I know you miss me. The tarot lady on TikTok just told me.

99 shares on Slack this month:

Being married means mostly shouting “What?” from other rooms.

78 shares on Threads this month:

I hate listening to a rapper that I used to adore, and they just don’t have it anymore.

63 shares on Pinterest this month:

Instead of those cute mini pizzas, they should invent gigantic ones that take four people to carry.

77 shares on Slack this month:

Twitter account so good even HR wants to see it.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

24 folks are currently checking 👀

In English we say: “You changed.” But in poetry we say: “You became a stranger wearing the face I used to love, and I am haunted by the ghost of who you were.”

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Love when a doctor emails me about my “outstanding bill”. If it’s so good, why don’t you pay it?

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Getting money from the Tooth Fairy is a gateway drug to organ trafficking.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

The worst thing you can do when cleaning your house is “sit down for a minute.”

15 folks are currently checking 👀

A worm is a pretty disappointing prize for getting up early, if you ask me.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

April Fool’s next week and still no one has asked me to be their fool.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

The worst is when it’s too late to take a nap but too early to go to bed.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

I’ve already sent Santa a short letter this week to say hello. Not that he thinks I only get in touch if I want something.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

I told all my neighbors that I have a twin, so that when I see them in public I don’t have to talk to them.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Laying next to my charger waiting for my phone to die, that’s how lazy I am.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

629 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,222

Funny Quotes Topics

17,352

Funny Quotes Images

15,222

Updated

Dec 30, 2025

Users Online

3,970

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇺 has copied:

Remember when we were kids and did everything we could to grow up? We were so stupid!

Someone from 🇫🇷 has copied:

I see from the back of your car that you have found Jesus, but not your turn signal.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has shared:

Writing ‘thanks.’ instead of ‘thanks!’ so you know I’m mad.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has bookmarked:

Not to brag or anything, but I can forget what I’m doing while I’m doing it.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has viewed:

Sometimes you need to turn the music up louder and sort your shit out.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has copied:

At the gym and I forgot my headphones and now I have to listen to my own thoughts. Send help.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has copied:

When I’m feeling old, I like to visit my parents so they can push all my buttons until I lose my shit and just like that, I’m 16 again.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has shared:

Please don’t celebrate April Fool’s day if you’re not a fool. My culture is not your costume.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has downloaded:

I used to question authority, but now I question everything.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has bookmarked:

I heard God is testing both of us at the same time. Wanna hang out?

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on WeChat:

If your problem can’t be fixed by coffee, tequila or sex then I’m out of advice.

Just landed via WeChat:

The three people who like every single one of my posts are going in my will.

Trending via Facebook:

The fine art of sticking my nose where it doesn’t belong.

Breaking via Threads:

A little mischievousness is good for the soul.

Freshly posted on Slack:

Going to the bathroom at night with my flashlight on and a dog next to me feels like I’m gonna solve a mystery.

Seen just now on Facebook:

My life is based on a true story.

Trending via Reddit:

What doesn’t kill you gives you a twisted, dark sense of humor.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

I always do my best sleeping in the 10 minutes before my alarm goes off.

Trending via Snapchat:

Give it to me straight, doc, what can I do to be healthier besides changing my entire lifestyle?

Going viral on Instagram:

Do y’all watch the results come or do you go to bed and wait to see what Democracy Claus left you in the morning?

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