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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇭 has bookmarked:

Maybe everyone can just pee outside from now on so I never have to clean the toilets again.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has copied:

Caught my husband staring at me again. He’s probably weighing his pros and cons.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has downloaded:

I was so locked in, to the point where we were tongue-kissing with morning breath.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has downloaded:

I accidentally hit a parked car, so I left them a note that said “next time it will be you”.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has copied:

I forgot to take my meds so I’m looking forward to joining the squirrels in the tree to talk politics.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has downloaded:

Managers want a week of silence and meditation in order to be even more of a manager afterwards.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has shared:

I wonder if the scariest moment ever in history has happened yet.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has bookmarked:

I used to mix Mountain Dew with the cheapest vodka I could find, and I called it the Blood of Mannaroth because it’s green and turns you into an orc.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has downloaded:

Waiting in the grocery store parking lot for the rotisserie chickens to be ready. The thrill of the hunt.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has downloaded:

If I was an outlaw in the Wild West, my face would be on unwanted posters.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Jan 20, 2026

3,261

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Slack:

If my family starts talking politics at Thanksgiving, I’m changing the subject by announcing I’m pregnant.

Just landed via Pinterest:

Kanye is pretty mean for someone with ‘yay’ in their name.

Freshly posted on Threads:

If I was a microplastic, I would simply not go in the ocean or anyone’s mouth.

Shared recently on TikTok:

I love making the whole conversation so awkward that the most anyone can say after is “so yeah…”

Breaking via Facebook:

Girl math is crying for two hours and then realizing it wasn’t that deep.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

If you want to sell something to a woman, show her other women using it. If you want to sell something to a man, prove to him no other man has it.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Absolutely love wanting to do a lot of things and ending up not doing even one! Yay.

Just shared via Messenger:

“I’m getting tired of everything being 100 dollars and 100 degrees.”

Spotted on LinkedIn:

How did we decide to go with cockpit?

Going viral on YouTube:

How do couples who live together get anything done? I wouldn’t leave my bed if my girlfriend was in it.

SEO experts be like: I was eating a banana when my traffic increased, so bananas are definitely a ranking factor.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
🍌🤓 "When it comes to SEO, some experts are truly bananas! 🍌🤪 Who knew that a simple fruit could be the secret to skyrocketing traffic? 🚀😂 Don't be surprised if you start seeing 'banana optimization' guides popping up soon! 📈🍌 #SEOBananaRankingFactor"

analytics, banana, bananas, eating, expert, experts, factor, humor, i, marketing, ranking, ranking factor, seo, traffic

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

28 shares on X this month:

Checking my iced coffee rewards points like it’s my 401k.

85 shares on Threads this month:

I’ll stop being so lazy when being so lazy stops being so awesome.

78 shares on Pinterest this month:

There is no actual wolf in Wolf of Wall Street.

56 shares on TikTok this month:

I have one of those metal briefcases handcuffed to my wrist, and inside… my grandmother’s meatloaf recipe.

61 shares on LinkedIn this month:

The first time I heard “big naturals,” I thought it referred to major outdoor landmarks such as the Grand Canyon or the Great Barrier Reef.

64 shares on Messenger this month:

My outfit is from Gucci and the body from Ferrero.

22 shares on Snapchat this month:

Pesto is just an Italian word that means “produced by pounding”, so in a way we are all pesto.

28 shares on Twitch this month:

Do beavers even know what they’re doing, or do they just see water flowing down a river and think, “Absolutely not”?

34 shares on Discord this month:

Due to financial reasons, I will now be performing photosynthesis.

54 shares on X this month:

Folks, please have more respect for people with glasses. Because they pay money to see you.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Funny that all this nonsense just stayed in people’s heads before Twitter came along.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Men want to meet up too easily. What if I plan to sacrifice you?

17 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m not always a couch potato. For instance, right now I’m a chair potato, and later I’ll be a bed potato.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Careful, “friend”. One more word about Shakira and you might find out just how fast I can draw this blade.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Situation monitoring is not for the uncaffeinated.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

How did the person who invented the spelling of “banana” decide when to stop?

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Turtles made out of plastic, problem solved.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Buying a new phone isn’t even satisfying anymore. It’s literally just your old phone with a haircut.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

They say sugar can’t fix your problems. Yeah, well, neither can broccoli. At least cake puts in the effort.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Trying to make sense of other people’s actions will drive you to insanity.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,391

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇻🇳 has downloaded:

I’m now at the age where happy hour is a nap.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has shared:

Don’t mispronounce anything next to me and think I didn’t hear it.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has downloaded:

Dating apps never work for me because I need at least two years of friendship charged with weird sexual tension to even consider falling in love.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has shared:

Perfume is key, but deodorant is keyer and showering is keyest.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has bookmarked:

Most people in your life will come and go but occasionally you’ll meet someone really special who makes you contemplate murder.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has viewed:

Time travel is all well and good, but I feel so stupid right now. None of them have the mustache. No way to tell which baby is Hitler.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has bookmarked:

That awkward moment when you have to pretend that you like the gift.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has viewed:

Welcome to your 40s. Your ability to be sneaky will now be hindered by your bones cracking when you walk.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has shared:

If trees offered Wi-Fi, we would plant more of them. Too bad they only produce this oxygen thing.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has copied:

I really admire the suns ability to be exactly where my car’s visor can’t block it out.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Reddit:

Using a condom and still pulling out, call that two-factor authentication.

Just landed via Slack:

Stop giving kids Bible names but no Bible lessons. Moses tried to rob me last night.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

Hey, so this Mercury retrograde is actually really demonic and soul-crippling. Let’s wrap this up by midnight.

Just landed via TikTok:

The peace of not knowing.

Shared recently on Instagram:

The term “bisexual” is so confusing. Are you sexual twice a week or once every other week?

Seen just now on TikTok:

World domination? I don’t even want to be responsible for myself.

Just shared via Twitch:

Ever looked at your ex and wondered, was I drunk the entire relationship?

Going viral on Pinterest:

Just saw my evil doppelganger speed away in a DeLorean. I’m sure it’s fine.

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

All the leaves are brown. And this guy is Greg.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

There’s a certain nothing about you.

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