Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇰 has downloaded:

My cats won’t talk to me because I came home late from work.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has shared:

If I had known how much care balcony plants need, I could have stopped taking the pill.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has viewed:

Ever since I was a little girl, I knew I didn’t want to go to work tomorrow morning.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has shared:

I love people who are fluent in Spongebob references.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has viewed:

Daniel Craig leaving Bond to become Benoit Blanc is one of the best things to ever happen.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has downloaded:

If you’re in first class on a flight, sometimes they upgrade you to captain.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has downloaded:

Being a goldfish must be brilliant. Every six seconds you’re pleasantly surprised to find that you live in a castle.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has viewed:

I slept like a baby, knowing I’m a burden to everyone around me.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has downloaded:

“The engine light is on!” Yeah, that means it’s working.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has copied:

I’m in favor of sticking an “out of order” sign on some people’s foreheads. As a warning.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,261

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Snapchat:

True romantics have made peace with the possibility of lifelong solitude.

Just landed via Telegram:

Welcome to your 50s, where coffee is the new happy hour and mornings are the new hangover.

Going viral on Pinterest:

I’ll make you feel safe in that you’ll know you can outrun me if we are being chased by a murderer.

Spotted on Telegram:

My chakra went out for cigarettes.

Spotted on Reddit:

Engaging in deforestation (trimming my bush).

Shared recently on Slack:

It’s okay to run away from the cops if you’re shy.

Shared recently on WeChat:

A couple of birds are outside fighting. Wait. They’ve quieted down. There’s a third bird. I think he may be their therapist.

Going bananas on Twitch:

Awesome that January is over, but rude that our reward for getting through it is February.

Going bananas on Messenger:

Bands are always like “here’s another song”. Yeah, no shit, that’s pretty much all you do.

Making waves on Slack:

Just caught a moth and sent it back outside. Feeling like Mr. Miyagi.

She’s got style, she’s got grace, she crams french fries in her face.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Move over, Audrey Hepburn! This modern queen knows how to rock style and fries simultaneously 🍟👑 #FashionablyHungry"

eating, face, food, french, french fry, fry, grace, humor, personality, style

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

“Stop overthinking.” Oh, wow. Hadn’t considered that. Solved.

0

2 months ago

advice, humor, irony, mindset, oh, overthinking, problem, problem-solving, sarcasm, solving, stop
You gotta act cool, calm, and collected around liquid eyeliner because it can sense your fear.

0

2 months ago

act, around, beauty, beauty product, calm, confidence, cool, cosmetics, eyeliner, fear, humor, liquid, makeup, product, sense
I wanna be a villain so I can just saunter everywhere. The heroes are always sprinting, always running. You ever seen Darth Vader run? Hell no. And I ain’t about to either.

0

2 months ago

always, darth, Darth Vader, ever, everywhere, hell, hero, humor, i, just, run, running, saunter, seen, sprint, style, vader, villain, walking, walking style
My son put his dish in the sink so I rushed him to urgent care.

0

2 months ago

care, dish, exaggeration, family, humor, i, parenting, put, sink, son, urgent, urgent care
Retiring my wallet condom after two years of active duty. 87 tours with 0 combat deployments.

0

1 month ago

active, active duty, after, combat, combat deployment, condom, deployment, duty, humor, retirement, tour, wallet, wallet condom
I want to be cremated so that I will get a smoking-hot body again.

0

2 months ago

again, body, cremated, cremation, dark, dark humor, death, humor, i, joke, sarcasm, smoking-hot, want, witty

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

64 shares on Reddit this month:

Naps are like gambling for the tired. You either wake up refreshed or too late to lots of angry texts.

87 shares on Threads this month:

My super talent is hitting every red light on the way to wherever the hell I’m going.

96 shares on Threads this month:

You want me to pay attention to the details? The thing the devil is in?

42 shares on Threads this month:

People who lie all the time really think that we don’t know.

67 shares on Pinterest this month:

My superpower? I can look you right in the eyes while you’re talking and not hear a single word you said.

58 shares on Facebook this month:

One time I refused to buy a watch because it was only waterproof to 100 meters. Not sure what sort of future I was imagining for myself there.

83 shares on Pinterest this month:

My biggest sexual fantasy is someone throwing a million dollars on my naked body and then leaving me alone.

39 shares on WeChat this month:

Banks: You are broke, so we are going to charge you for being broke.

74 shares on TikTok this month:

I miss when you could touch a TV and feel its fur.

47 shares on X this month:

Having an empty laundry basket is the best 5 seconds of my life.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇺 has shared:

Dear nurses, you don’t have to announce my weight, just write it down. That’s why I have my eyes closed when I’m on the scale.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has copied:

I wish Amazon would stop finding things I might like.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has bookmarked:

I can’t believe bedtime used to be a punishment.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has downloaded:

I’m not “dating to marry” or “dating for fun.” I’m dating for a secret third reason.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has viewed:

That stupid look on my face is my face.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has shared:

Everyone’s a gangster until they see a rainbow.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has copied:

A little mystery is the sweetest seduction.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has downloaded:

Good morning, dickhead, your little ray of sarcastic sunshine has arrived.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has downloaded:

If you ghosted me, don’t come back. Maintain that energy, babe. Stay dead.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has bookmarked:

I’m officially at the age where I’m not upgrading my phone until it stops working.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Pinterest:

My Facebook friends are like my pen collection. I have 100 but only one writes.

Shared recently on Discord:

Having children is like living in a frat house – nobody sleeps, everything’s broken, and there’s a lot of throwing up.

Just shared via Threads:

I wish British people had subtitles so I knew what they are on about.

Live now on Pinterest:

The sun is so successful because it has the perfect bedtime and morning routines.

Breaking via X:

Freshly posted on Telegram:

I’m going to die from jealousy one day.

Making waves on Slack:

Guy inventing jogging: how can I suffer, but with music?

Going viral on Telegram:

Nothing really prepares you for when your favorite sweatpants begin to fall apart.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

I can’t believe I was arrested for impersonating a politician. I was just sitting there doing nothing.

Going viral on YouTube:

I’m not worried about WWIII. I’ve been feeding a crow army for three years.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

She’s got style, she’s got grace, she crams french fries in her face.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

“Stop overthinking.” Oh, wow. Hadn’t considered that. Solved.

You gotta act cool, calm, and collected around liquid eyeliner because it can sense your fear.

I wanna be a villain so I can just saunter everywhere. The heroes are always sprinting, always running. You ever seen Darth Vader run? Hell no. And I ain’t about to either.

My son put his dish in the sink so I rushed him to urgent care.

Retiring my wallet condom after two years of active duty. 87 tours with 0 combat deployments.

I want to be cremated so that I will get a smoking-hot body again.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨