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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇵 has downloaded:

Imagine earning a science degree then having to be a meteorologist who announces the prophecy of a groundhog.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has copied:

It sucks when you have to stand on an escalator for 30 minutes because of a power cut.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has bookmarked:

I mean, sex is all right, but have you ever experienced the sheer sensuality of having rock-solid proof that a problem at work was someone else’s fault, even though it really, really looked like it was yours?

Someone from 🇮🇶 has downloaded:

A hammock is a terrible place to receive bad news.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has shared:

The week before your period doesn’t make any sense… until you realize it’s the week before your period.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has viewed:

Well, like I said to my television the other day, “How can these people be so stupid?!?”

Someone from 🇬🇶 has shared:

Another year? But the last one got such bad reviews.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has bookmarked:

Clicking on a suspicious link at work just to feel something.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has copied:

Men call us “gold diggers” when we expect them to pay for a meal. Honey, a gold digger goes after yachts, not a piece of chicken.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has shared:

I said when I retire, I would travel. I just didn’t expect it to be to the doctors.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,702

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via TikTok:

I didn’t ghost you, I saved you from me.

Making waves on Telegram:

I’m of the very strong opinion that sex ed should be taught by a woman 37 weeks into her third pregnancy, while her husband sits scrolling through his phone, and her other two children run wild.

Just landed via Messenger:

Welcome to your 40s: you’re not exhausted, that’s just your face now.

Going viral on TikTok:

When you want to feel at your thinnest, walk through Walmart at any time of day.

Going viral on Discord:

At the plastic surgeon: Please, Doc, help me. My Barbie doll has appendicitis.

Breaking via Facebook:

Socialism is like polio, it comes back when people forget about the horrible damage it did last time.

Making waves on Telegram:

My doctor told me I should try anger management classes, and I’m still really pissed at him about it.

Live now on Discord:

My husband said we need to start exercising and get into shape, so I’m going to wake up early tomorrow and start looking for a new husband.

Trending via Telegram:

Broke my work phone. I can’t talk on it anymore. I should have done this a long time ago.

Spotted on Snapchat:

The older I get, the more I understand why deer run in front of cars.

Sometimes life is like a cowshed. You step from one turd into the next.

2 weeks ago

Humorous quote about life's messy transitions, comparing them to stepping from one cow dung to another.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Ah, the poetic beauty of comparing life to a cowshed! 🐄💩 It does seem like we're constantly dodging turds at every turn… but hey, at least it keeps things interesting, right? 😉 Here's to gracefully navigating the cowsheds of life and coming out smelling like a rose! 🌹💩"

challenges, cowshed, humor, life, metaphor, next, perspective, step, struggle, turd

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

44 shares on WeChat this month:

Liking a song isn’t enough, I need to be able to call the artist and tell them they did a great job.

38 shares on Facebook this month:

The lion does not concern himself with the check engine light.

99 shares on YouTube this month:

Maybe in another life, I’m a spoiled nepo baby — jobless and doing nothing but shopping all day with my equally nepotised friends.

42 shares on TikTok this month:

The plan was simple: finish school, find a job and get married at 25. But now I don’t understand anything anymore.

81 shares on Telegram this month:

Adulting is making a phone call, even though you don’t want to.

31 shares on Twitch this month:

“How would you describe yourself.” Me: I absolutely would not.

84 shares on Pinterest this month:

“23 and Me” is how Leonardo DiCaprio RSVPs for events.

97 shares on Threads this month:

Mail is crazy because it’s like 99 pieces of straight up garbage and 1 that if you don’t reply to you’re going to jail.

55 shares on Twitch this month:

Sure, I could keep my thoughts to myself but I can’t see “Likes” in my journal.

98 shares on Twitch this month:

I hope my email finds you enraged.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Why is smoking the only addiction jobs give you breaks to do? I should get 15 minutes every hour to cook up some parlays.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

No matter how small you make that “unsubscribe” link, I’ll still find it.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Playing Mortal Kombat at an arcade in the 90’s would fix me.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

The secret to a clean home? Never let your husband or children in.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

At some point, my colleagues will manage to get me my own true crime documentary on Netflix.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Shoutout to everyone pretending to have it together. Same.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

What’s the best job for someone who cries very easily and cannot handle any criticism?

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Gyms are empty because they’re all on weight loss drugs.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Halloween is over and most people just keep on being creepy.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Having a crush on someone as an adult feels like a humiliation ritual.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,484

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇫 has copied:

Sorry, Mom, I can’t go outside, I’m ugly.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has bookmarked:

WhatsApp calls should indicate whose internet is poor to avoid unnecessary arguments.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has viewed:

I think my wife has got early Alzheimer’s. Every day she tells me that she has no idea what she first saw in me.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has viewed:

It’s so hot to me when a man has a poorly run Instagram account.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has copied:

“I saw your ex!” A very unnecessary piece of information.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has shared:

Being abducted by aliens could be just the vacation I need right now.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has shared:

Toys R Us went out of business because their mascot was a stupid giraffe when it could’ve been a toy dinosaur called the Toysaurus. It was right there man.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has bookmarked:

Threatening my wife with a tariff every time she makes fun of me.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has downloaded:

My favorite color is money.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has downloaded:

To everyone I offended this year: do better next year, so I don’t have to do it again.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Messenger:

I never finish what I start. I have a black belt in partial arts.

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

When your stomach is really mad at you, and you’re not sure which one of your 13 unhealthy lifestyle choices is causing it.

Just shared via Discord:

Twitter is fun because you can post a pic of pizza and people will get mad at you.

Just shared via Snapchat:

The amount of inappropriate thoughts I have is a little concerning.

Trending via WeChat:

Thanks for your email! Unfortunately, I have filled my pockets with stones and am making my way to the sea.

Spotted on Facebook:

I don’t understand construction. Like, how do they know what to do next?

Just landed via LinkedIn:

I’m gonna put “CEO of Blockbuster Video” on my resume because who are they gonna call to confirm?

Going viral on Reddit:

Do you also sometimes turn on the TV just so you have background noise or am I weird?

Trending via Telegram:

Every job is either 8 hours of getting exposed to cancer-causing chemicals or 8 hours of staring at a Microsoft Excel sheet.

Just landed via Facebook:

My spirit animal is chasing his own tail.

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