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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇳 has copied:

Good morning, may your coffee be strong and your boss not weird today.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has bookmarked:

My anxiety is chronic, but my overthinking is iconic.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has downloaded:

“Full-time” should be 20 hours max, man. This is ridiculous. I’ve got other stuff to do.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has bookmarked:

A plus of getting older is not having to make as much small talk because half the conversation is spent asking the other person to repeat what they just said.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has downloaded:

“You smell so good!” Okay, so kiss me.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has bookmarked:

I don’t always carry all the groceries on one arm, but when I do, my keys are in the wrong pocket.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has downloaded:

If I go missing and you put my weight on that poster, I swear I’m not coming back.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has bookmarked:

Apartments show you 44 pics of the lobby. Man, I ain’t living in there.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has shared:

Every McDonald’s should have a flag they fly at half mast when the ice cream machine is down.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has downloaded:

Are there cheat codes for parenting teenagers? This level is really hard.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,290

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Facebook:

Reminder that you need to be scrolling all day to monitor the situation.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

Introverts be like “I know a place”, then go home.

Just landed via X:

When I take a walk, I bring dog treats and people treats. I almost never mix them up.

Trending via Snapchat:

Doing my bit for the evolution of the human race by eating lots of carbs and never exercising. We will adapt!

Spotted on Reddit:

The cynicism of those who urge me not to do what I can to help the Nigerian royal family.

Just shared via Facebook:

Gentle parenting is making sure your kids can’t hear what you say when you’re peeling a mango.

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

Nature just builds 30 foot trees. Without even pulling a permit.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

Many fruits can be great names… but the real challenge is naming a child after a vegetable….

Just landed via Discord:

If you burned CDs for the car so your original copies wouldn’t get scratched, it’s time to schedule your colonoscopy.

Breaking via WeChat:

have one of those big paintings with the eyeholes cut out, but I don’t have anyone to spy on, so I just watch TV through it.

Sorry, can’t. Waiting for my clothes to come back into style again.

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Sorry, can’t. Waiting for my clothes to come back into style again.
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Commentary:
"Sorry, can't make any plans right now… my wardrobe is too busy time traveling ⏳🔮 #VintageFashionista"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

47 shares on WeChat this month:

Dancing alone in your home is its own kind of therapy.

37 shares on Snapchat this month:

Third wheeling with two girls who are best friends is so much worse than third wheeling a couple.

20 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Imagine how scary sharks would be if they wore necklaces made out of our teeth.

22 shares on Telegram this month:

Yeah, I work at the fart bar. Yup. I’m a fartender. Farts on me tonight!

69 shares on Messenger this month:

Time machine? You mean a clock?

15 shares on WeChat this month:

I’m so tired. Let’s see all of the horrible things happening in the world today before I try to sleep peacefully.

28 shares on Snapchat this month:

An adult is a person that keeps Ibuprofen in more than one place.

74 shares on Messenger this month:

Santa went woke and gave me a small solar panel instead of coal.

45 shares on Facebook this month:

One minute you’re young and wild, the next minute you’re into air fryers.

45 shares on X this month:

This chapter of my life is called ‘at least the rent is paid’

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

11 folks are currently checking 👀

I just sneezed into my elbow and now I’m waiting for a preschool teacher to praise me.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

I just want someone who can read a book with me in silence, and then do ungodly things sometimes.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s time to stare blankly at my wall for hours straight and think about where I went wrong with my life.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

If I would’ve known that you were going to ask me what I was thinking, I wouldn’t have been thinking what I was thinking.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Way too many low IQ conspiracy theories floating around. Give me high IQ conspiracy theories.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Sorry I’m late. Had to scroll back to my birth year.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

I used to eat my feelings but now it’s so expensive, I might as well go to therapy.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

I had a Russian Uber driver the other day. His name was Pikup Andropov.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Them: “Ugh, could you be more annoying?” Me: “Oh God, yes!”

24 folks are currently checking 👀

People who work in retail should be allowed to slap a customer or two each Christmas, as a little treat.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,718

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇭 has bookmarked:

Out of sheer boredom, I opened the front door and rang the doorbell. I was so happy.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has bookmarked:

I just tried to poach an egg and I now understand why Eggs Benedict is $23

Someone from 🇵🇭 has viewed:

Sitting in a room with my husband and kids… Suddenly I realize everyone here has been in my vagina. Wow.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has copied:

It’s so hot that my shadow just went back inside and gave me the finger.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has bookmarked:

have one of those big paintings with the eyeholes cut out, but I don’t have anyone to spy on, so I just watch TV through it.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has copied:

Buying books and reading them are actually two entirely different hobbies.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has shared:

No matter how sad their story is, don’t let anybody move into your house.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has copied:

All of humanities problems could be solved with a large meteor.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has shared:

Sorry, I can’t talk right now. The seam of my sock feels weird.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has downloaded:

Anyone else’s phone make a retching noise when you unlock it with Face ID?

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Telegram:

Back to work after the long holiday weekend, so you’re finally away from the relatives you don’t like, and back with the co-workers you don’t like.

Making waves on Telegram:

You got a better chance getting chased by a dog than by me.

Just landed via Pinterest:

Don’t invite me anywhere last minute. I enjoy doing nothing, so I need to know ahead of time if my plan to do nothing needs to be changed.

Just shared via TikTok:

I’m going to a karaoke bar tomorrow, where I’ll sing every song in the style of Yoko Ono.

Spotted on Reddit:

Chugging a woman’s entire drink at the bar and then saying “you’re safe, there is nothing in your drink.”

Broadcasted on Facebook:

If you’re a squatter, every day is leg day.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Unless you fell off the treadmill, no one wants to hear about your workout.

Trending via Instagram:

At my age, this “microsleep” can sometimes last hours.

Live now on WhatsApp:

I’ve been so stressed about getting my shit together that I haven’t gotten any of my shit together.

Just shared via TikTok:

Good morning. May your day be as beautiful as I am.

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