Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇳 has downloaded:

Every time I use self-checkout, the person in front of me has never used self-checkout, touchscreens, or money before.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has bookmarked:

The actors you see in movies are probably home by now.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has shared:

Imagine how bored the person who invented mayonnaise must have been.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has copied:

So. Fed the laundry and washed the cat. Showered the garbage and disposed of myself. Was there anything else?

Someone from 🇨🇿 has viewed:

“I saw your ex!” A very unnecessary piece of information.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has downloaded:

My trauma is between me and this bartender. The rest of you, mind your business.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has viewed:

The only thing I love more than an open mind is an open bar.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has viewed:

A dating app for people who are shy called Mumble.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has viewed:

If trees offered Wi-Fi, we would plant more of them. Too bad they only produce this oxygen thing.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has copied:

It’s weird how the UFO’s always seem to crash in places that only the government and military have access to.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

233 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,502

Funny Quotes Topics

17,569

Funny Quotes Images

15,502

Updated

Jan 6, 2026

Users Online

3,337

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Threads:

If you love something, set it free. If it comes back to you, then you love a boomerang.

Breaking via Threads:

I’ve discovered that my visiting family members leave crumbs in the butter. Please keep me in your thoughts during this difficult time.

Just shared via Twitch:

The children seemed disappointed when I told them the best part about being an adult is going to bed early.

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

Having a horse run off on you in medieval times must have been crazy. Imagine if your car got scared and ran away, and you found it a day later by itself at a gas station.

Going viral on Facebook:

I followed a diet but it didn’t follow me back, so I unfollowed it.

Just landed via X:

She was rare, like a shopping cart at the grocery without a wobbly wheel.

Just landed via Pinterest:

Dogs are like chicken nuggets; every time I see one, I want it.

Breaking via X:

I’d rather be spotted in a strip club than a Subway.

Spotted on Instagram:

Are you my appendix? Cause you seem kind of useless to me.

Source??? Pattern recognition.

3 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Who needs a fortune teller when I've got my own brain playing detective! 🔮🧠😂

analysis, data, data analysis, humor, logic, pattern, pattern recognition, questioning, recognition, science, skepticism, source

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Girl, if the moon can block the sun, then you can definitely block your ex.

0

2 months ago

block, breakup, empowerment, ex, girl, humor, moon, relationship, sun
If I were a billionaire, I wouldn’t build rockets to escape to Mars. I would build rockets to make everyone else leave Earth.

0

2 months ago

billionaire, Earth, else, escape, everyone, humor, i, leave, Mars, rockets, satire, space, space travel, travel, wealth
Nothing bad can happen while you’re under a blanket. Just remember that.

0

1 month ago

bad, blanket, comfort, cozy, happen, humor, just, nothing, protection, remember, safety, under, while
First date idea: we walk around a graveyard and guess how people died.

0

2 months ago

activity, around, date, death, died, fun, fun activity, ghost, graveyard, guess, humor, idea, people, playful, playful idea, spooky, unconventional, unconventional date, walk
I have many talents, all equally un-monetizable.

0

2 months ago

comedy, humor, i, sarcasm, self-deprecating, talent, un-monetizable
Hiring a mortician to do my makeup while I sleep.

0

2 months ago

death, hiring, humor, i, irony, joke, makeup, mortician, sleep

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

65 shares on Twitch this month:

Enjoy your time with me, because I love to disappear.

96 shares on Snapchat this month:

I drink so much coffee, people feel jittery when they see a picture of me.

89 shares on Snapchat this month:

I miss whatever age I was when I thought five dollars was a lot of money.

37 shares on TikTok this month:

Accordion to a recent survey, inserting musical instruments into sentences largely goes unnoticed.

83 shares on TikTok this month:

I don’t like violence, but I don’t mind if I get hit by luck.

90 shares on Threads this month:

Someone told me I’ve gained weight. I told them it was for a part in a movie. I’ve never acted in my life. Until that moment.

36 shares on Snapchat this month:

Do people with lip filler know that they look like that?

39 shares on TikTok this month:

If your boyfriend insists he rolls everywhere because it’s ‘faster than walking’, you may be dating a gamer.

76 shares on WeChat this month:

“AI is coming for your jobs”. I’d like to see AI show up drunk on Fridays and sexually harass my coworkers.

25 shares on X this month:

Men be like, “I want you.” Yeah, to suffer.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇱 has shared:

The man who invented the Ferris wheel never met the man who invented the merry-go-round. They traveled in different circles.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has copied:

Home is where you can walk around like a bum.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has downloaded:

“AI is coming for your jobs!” I’d like to see AI get absolutely no work done and then throw their coworker under the bus as soon as their boss asks about it.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has bookmarked:

Noam Chomsky sounds like the legal name of the very hungry caterpillar.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has copied:

Money will not leave you on read for 9 hours.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has copied:

The ’90s were a time of blissful ignorance where we expected rock stars to sleep with groupies.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has downloaded:

Everyone who dramatically ‘quits’ social media is back in 48 hours like it was just a trial separation.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has shared:

Married life: Telling your partner the same sentence 7 days in a row, only for him to say, “You definitely never told me that!”

Someone from 🇦🇺 has downloaded:

In honor of the fall equinox, I will also be cold, distant and filled with darkness.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has viewed:

I love saying “You’re welcome!” really loudly when someone hasn’t thanked me.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on LinkedIn:

If you respond to emails and Teams messages quickly, you can get away with basically anything at work.

Shared recently on Twitch:

I’m old enough to remember when the hole in the ozone layer killed us all off.

Going viral on Threads:

I don’t care if it’s cliché, I will always enjoy a ‘small town but something messed up is happening’ story.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Wild Friday night, and by wild, I mean me and the other psychopaths at the gym.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

I don’t understand why “family-run” should be a sign of quality. North Korea, for example, is also family-run and doesn’t convince me at all.

Just landed via YouTube:

My pronouns are she/her and my adjectives are problematic/overwhelmed.

Seen just now on Slack:

Sex in the snow is wintercourse.

Live now on X:

Sometimes, I feel like I need love, but the moment I finish eating, I realize I was just hungry.

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

Newborns cry because they’re being evicted.

Trending via Threads:

If I were a mouse, I’d say things like “cheesed to meet you”.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Source??? Pattern recognition.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Girl, if the moon can block the sun, then you can definitely block your ex.

If I were a billionaire, I wouldn’t build rockets to escape to Mars. I would build rockets to make everyone else leave Earth.

Nothing bad can happen while you’re under a blanket. Just remember that.

First date idea: we walk around a graveyard and guess how people died.

I have many talents, all equally un-monetizable.

Hiring a mortician to do my makeup while I sleep.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨