Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇺 has shared:

If you pretend you’re erasing the evidence of a murder while cleaning the bathroom, you’ll do a better job, and it actually becomes fun!

Someone from 🇩🇴 has viewed:

Some people you look at or hear talking and think to yourself, the wheel may be turning, but the hamster is dead.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has downloaded:

Yeah, no worries, man. You just showed everyone that you have a lot of resentments bubbling underneath, but otherwise, it was a cool evening.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has shared:

I SAID YES!!!!!! after I asked myself if I wanted a breakfast burrito.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has shared:

He’s making a list, he’s checking it twice, he’s leaving the store, he still forgot milk.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has downloaded:

I love chatty cats like, yeah, bro, meow meow, you’re so right.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has downloaded:

I want to be a garbage man, so I only have to work one day a week.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has shared:

I wish we were cats so you could just randomly slap co-workers for no reason.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has downloaded:

I need a vaccine against overthinking.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has bookmarked:

To bed then. To bed with you! Guards, take him to my bed!

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

243 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,512

Funny Quotes Topics

17,578

Funny Quotes Images

15,512

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,337

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Twitch:

What did people do before alarm clocks? Just go to bed like, “Hope I wake up in time for work tomorrow.”

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Psychiatry is crazy because they’re just like… Oh, you’re really depressed? Would being on a pill that makes you fat help?

Shared recently on X:

Bold of me to constantly use the phrase “no worries!” when I am, in fact, constantly full of many worries.

Live now on Slack:

Annoyed because I want to live my life without a job.

Shared recently on Slack:

I was always told to eat all my food so that I’d grow to be big and strong. When exactly does the strong part kick in?

Seen just now on Snapchat:

People who take two steps on the stairs are both active and lazy at the same time.

Just landed via Reddit:

Ok. I blinked 182 times. What happens now?

Making waves on Telegram:

Welcome to your 40s: you get tired from sleeping now.

Just shared via Threads:

Growing up, I always knew I was gonna be the distant family member.

Shared recently on Instagram:

I love surprising my girl, today she woke up single.

That one friend who has a dangerously loose grasp on food safety.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Here's to that friend who thinks "expiration dates" are just "mild suggestions." 😂🥴🧀

dangerously, food, food safety, friend, grasp, humor, loose, loose grasp, safety

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I love how unforgiving soy sauce is. Cause you know immediately when you did too much with her.

0

4 months ago

condiment, cooking, exaggeration, food, humor, i, kitchen, know, love, much, sauce, seasoning, soy, soy sauce, taste, too
My summer body has been pending for about ten years.

0

2 months ago

body, fitness, humor, pending, procrastination, self-deprecation, summer, summer body, ten, ten years, year’s
He’s making a list, he’s checking it twice, he’s leaving the store, he still forgot milk.

0

2 months ago

checking, forgetfulness, forgot, holiday, humor, leaving, list, making, milk, shopping, still, store, twice
Today my coworker asked if I wanted to hold her new baby and neither of us were prepared for me saying why?

0

2 months ago

asked, baby, coworker, hold, humor, i, me, new, prepared, question, saying, today, unexpected, wanted
This summer I’m going cicada mode: emerging briefly from my house and being really loud until I find a mate.

0

2 months ago

activity, being, cicada, emerging, fun, fun activity, going, house, humor, i, loud, mate, mode, nature, summer
Thought you guys should know this was only Monday. It’s also still Monday.

0

2 months ago

anticipation, guys, humor, know, Monday, only, procrastination, should, still, thought, weekday, weekend, weekend anticipation, workweek

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

88 shares on Pinterest this month:

I could have done without braces back then. What’s the point of having perfect teeth if I have no reason to smile?

49 shares on Instagram this month:

Me, seeing a man proposing to a woman in public: Hey, this guy bothering you?

47 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Sometimes I feel like I’m cheating on my recliner with my loveseat, in case you were wondering how emotionally invested I am in laziness.

86 shares on Instagram this month:

College core: you sit in the class for attendance, then go home and teach yourself.

70 shares on Threads this month:

Everyone wants the bagel to be everything, but no one asks if the bagel needs anything.

49 shares on Facebook this month:

I don’t drink coffee all the time. I take breaks in between to make another one.

48 shares on WeChat this month:

I love cute tiny purses, but I’m sad to say I can never be a cute tiny purse girl. I need to haul my hoard of objects everywhere I go, because what if….

50 shares on LinkedIn this month:

My goal was to look good in a bikini this summer, but the call of the barbecue is stronger.

76 shares on Threads this month:

Before sleeping, most people will imagine stuff they want to happen. Like sleeping.

78 shares on YouTube this month:

Asking people their favorite color and then calling them liars.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇼 has viewed:

Pretending I’m asleep so my boss has to carry me to the meeting.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has shared:

I’m saving money on rent by moving into an abandoned cobweb.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has downloaded:

I hate when the lotion bottle pump squirts the hardened remains of its mucus plug into the palm of your hand.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has bookmarked:

You can tell a lot about someone by the stuff you make up in your head about them.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has downloaded:

The phone is the most evil screen. The computer is somewhat evil, but less so than the phone. The TV is benevolent.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has viewed:

It’s almost bed time, so I’ll just check my e-mail, Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, and watch a season of my favorite show on Netflix real quick.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has viewed:

I’ve discovered I have a logic fetish, I just can’t stop coming to conclusions.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has bookmarked:

I actually check my emails every day in hopes I’m going to get some life-changing news someday.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has downloaded:

Cats must think we’re so weird for constantly harvesting their poop.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has bookmarked:

I’ve had so much tea trying to get rid of this cold that I’m now speaking with a British accent and am fascinated with the Royal family.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Twitch:

People that I dislike shouldn’t be allowed to consume the media that I like.

Spotted on YouTube:

Best time to reach me is when I’m at work. Don’t bother me when I’m at home.

Seen just now on TikTok:

Nobody should be blowing up Teslas. If you just wait a bit, they’ll probably do it by themselves.

Just shared via TikTok:

I can sing all the words to the intro song of DuckTales, what’s your flex?

Shared recently on Slack:

The opposite of “taking candy from a baby” is “putting sunscreen on a toddler.”

Going viral on TikTok:

I hate when the iPhone corrects ‘Omw’ to ‘On my way!’. Man, I am not that excited.

Live now on WeChat:

Ever since I was little, I knew I wanted people to watch how they speak to me.

Just shared via Reddit:

Evenings after work finish too quickly, one meal, one show, and it’s already tomorrow morning.

Making waves on TikTok:

Parents be like, “I gave you everything I had,” and by everything, they meant the collector’s edition boxed set of mental illness.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Once your parents move from “What time are you coming back” to “Are you coming back today,” you have won the war.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

That one friend who has a dangerously loose grasp on food safety.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

I love how unforgiving soy sauce is. Cause you know immediately when you did too much with her.

My summer body has been pending for about ten years.

He’s making a list, he’s checking it twice, he’s leaving the store, he still forgot milk.

Today my coworker asked if I wanted to hold her new baby and neither of us were prepared for me saying why?

This summer I’m going cicada mode: emerging briefly from my house and being really loud until I find a mate.

Thought you guys should know this was only Monday. It’s also still Monday.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨