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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ท๐Ÿ‡ด has viewed:

The phrase “Treat yourself” has ruined my bank account and waistline.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฒ๐Ÿ‡ญ has copied:

Some people avoid bacon for the sake of religion. I avoid religion for the sake of bacon.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฌ๐Ÿ‡ณ has shared:

Carrying my phone from room to room like a Victorian woman and her lantern.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฎ๐Ÿ‡น has viewed:

Pizza rolls are comfort food because they look like little pillows.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ช๐Ÿ‡ช has shared:

Got out of jury duty yesterday by confessing to the crime.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฆ๐Ÿ‡ฑ has viewed:

Why are moths always out at night when they like light so much? Wait til y’all find out about the sun.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡น๐Ÿ‡ฌ has bookmarked:

“Do not touch” must be one of the scariest things to read in braille.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡จ๐Ÿ‡บ has downloaded:

Everybody looks sexier when they are happy.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ง๐Ÿ‡ฉ has shared:

The dildo of consequences rarely arrives lubed.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡จ๐Ÿ‡ฆ has shared:

Just as “magic spells” use special rhymes and archaic terms to signal their power, the convoluted language of legalese acts to convey a sense of authority.

Funny Quotes Data ๐Ÿค“

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,461

Social Media Log ๐Ÿ’ซ

Freshly posted on Threads:

Horror movies have ruined the joy of skinny-dipping for me.

Shared recently on Reddit:

This family has a lot of nerve wearing all these clothes after I just did laundry.

Seen just now on TikTok:

Women donโ€™t pretend anymore to dig for something in their purse and then pull out their middle finger.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

If you need me, I will be at the library sniffing old books.

Making waves on Slack:

I can melt an ice cube just by staring at it. It takes a while, but I can do it.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

I will never forget how to spell bananas, thanks to Gwen Stefani.

Just shared via Twitch:

You should be able to like an email instead of replying to it.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

If I text you an accordion emoji, it means you better start acting accordingly.

Making waves on Discord:

Half of my problems are because I said “sure” instead of “no.”

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Commenting โ€œThis could be usโ€ on her pics with her boyfriend.

The elder Zoomer speaks of the Wii with reverence.

Witty text highlighting an elder Zoomer's humorous admiration for the Wii gaming console.
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Commentary:
When Grandpa starts telling tales about the legendary Wii, you know you're in for a saga longer than any Zelda game! ๐ŸŽฎ๐Ÿง“โœจ

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Social Media Stars โญ

10 shares on YouTube this month:

Have you ever wanted to grab somebody by the shoulders, give them a good shake and whisper “Nobody cares!”

74 shares on Reddit this month:

Glory hole but for forehead kisses.

38 shares on Messenger this month:

Quitting my job to focus on watching YouTube.

78 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Probably the most depressed Iโ€™ve ever been in my life, except for a bunch of other times.

59 shares on WhatsApp this month:

FOMO is a summer thing. Winter is all about FOGO (fear of going out).

34 shares on Telegram this month:

Sheep to the left of me. Cows to the right. Here I am. Stuck on a bus with a view.

12 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I’ve deleted enough tweets to know that I should never get a tattoo.

78 shares on Pinterest this month:

To steal from one is plagiarism, to steal from many is research.

95 shares on YouTube this month:

I’m so sick of these little 30-minute weekends.

60 shares on WeChat this month:

Guys love being called โ€œdaddyโ€ until the pregnancy test comes back positive.

Trending Topics ๐Ÿ“

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Hot Jokes ๐Ÿ’ฅ

12 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

My couch better stop looking at me like that, it knows exactly what itโ€™s doing.

22 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

My New Year’s resolution is to procrastinate. I’Il start tomorrow.

16 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Giving out false information so I know who the leak is.

19 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Iโ€™ve decided that I need to eat more vegetables, so Iโ€™m gonna make a carrot cake later.

16 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Having an empty laundry basket is the best 5 seconds of my life.

13 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

A guy waited exactly 3 days to text me. Someoneโ€™s been studying the ancient scrolls of 1980s dating advice.

5 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

I think my wife has got early Alzheimer’s. Every day she tells me that she has no idea what she first saw in me.

5 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

He was clicking his pen 137 times a minute, Your Honor.

13 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Please stop fighting with each other on the internet and start fighting with each other in real life. Life is short.

8 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Shazam, but for the name of the person who literally just introduced themself to me.

Funny Quotes Data ๐Ÿค“

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,392

Activity Log โœจ

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ต๐Ÿ‡ผ has copied:

For someone who is afraid of failure, Iโ€™m very unmotivated.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฒ๐Ÿ‡ฐ has copied:

Men call us โ€œgold diggersโ€ when we expect them to pay for a meal. Honey, a gold digger goes after yachts, not a piece of chicken.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ช๐Ÿ‡ท has viewed:

People aren’t so bad if you stay indoors and don’t talk to them.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฎ๐Ÿ‡ฉ has viewed:

Dear food, either stop being so delicious or stop making me fat.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฎ๐Ÿ‡น has copied:

Arkansas is just Kansas for pirates.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡น๐Ÿ‡ฟ has downloaded:

You’re always bitching about your alarm clock, but put yourself in his shoes. The first thing he sees in the morning is your face.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ณ๐Ÿ‡ฑ has viewed:

As long as you donโ€™t ever give them your real name, they canโ€™t accuse you of not keeping the mystery alive in your relationship.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฌ๐Ÿ‡ช has bookmarked:

Just got hired at Five Guys as the guy who punches the burger before they put it in the bag.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡จ๐Ÿ‡ด has viewed:

Unfair that the older I get, the clearer photo quality gets.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ง๐Ÿ‡ฌ has shared:

All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height.

Social Media Log ๐Ÿ’ซ

Just shared via YouTube:

Vegetables are actually pretty good when theyโ€™re fried.

Live now on Pinterest:

They’re selling me on Temu tomorrow.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Some people pack their lives so full of activities, appointments and people that I get exhausted just reading about it.

Spotted on Reddit:

Donโ€™t go keto, go pirate. Rum, fish and beef jerky diet.

Going viral on Twitch:

This cucumber Gatorade got me quenched in an unprecedented manner.

Just shared via Reddit:

Oh no, we donโ€™t go in there. That room belongs to the spiders.

Shared recently on Slack:

I’m pretending to be a hot girl on Tinder so I can match with my roommate and tell him I’m coming over, so he’ll clean the apartment.

Going viral on Facebook:

Update on my fitness journey: My wife just handed me a bag of apples at the market and said, “careful, it’s heavy.”

Breaking via Threads:

According to the BMI chart, I am too short.

Broadcasted on Twitch:

I called the cops on my own party once because I was ready to go to bed.

ยฉ 2026. All rights reserved.

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