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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇿🇦 has downloaded:

Your pronouns are “side/chick”.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has viewed:

An apple a day keeps the doctor away, but if the doctor is cute, forget the fruit.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has bookmarked:

Whenever I get up my cat gets up too and then yells at me like it’s my fault she decided we have to do this together.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has copied:

Coffee should just be free for anybody over 30.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has shared:

When you have the money, you can go a whole day without eating. But when you’re broke, the dizziness starts at 6 a.m.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has viewed:

Not really into dating right now, but very into flirting, and that’s where things get complicated.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has viewed:

I have an addiction to pattern recognition.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has copied:

Toddlers be like, we can do this the hard way or the harder way.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has copied:

If I like you I keep you close, if not I keep you at a distance so I can mime squishing your head between my thumb and forefinger.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has copied:

Glory hole but for forehead kisses.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

216 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,485

Funny Quotes Topics

17,557

Funny Quotes Images

15,485

Jan 5, 2026

3,251

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on WhatsApp:

You’re an atheist? Well, I don’t believe you. See how you like it.

Trending via Telegram:

She asked to see where the magic happens, so I showed her my sandwich maker.

Spotted on Threads:

When I quit my job I’m setting one last OOO message that just says “your email will never find me again”

Just shared via YouTube:

How does spaghetti know that I’m wearing light-colored clothes?

Freshly posted on Telegram:

When I try to figure out rows vs. columns, I just row away in my boat of confusion!

Trending via Twitch:

I’m not worried about WWIII. I’ve been feeding a crow army for three years.

Spotted on Slack:

I could never abuse substances, they mean a lot to me.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Out of sheer boredom, I opened the front door and rang the doorbell. I was so happy.

Just landed via Snapchat:

I love single sign-on because you only have to sign on once, 8 times a day.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

After all the books are banned, they’ll move on to suggestive fruit.

The fatigue is reaching levels that shouldn’t even be possible.

4 months ago

0

The fatigue is reaching levels that shouldn’t even be possible.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
When "nap time" becomes an official part of your to-do list 😴🤣

burnout, energy, even, exhaustion, fatigue, levels, reaching, stress, tiredness

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Group projects in school weren’t meant to teach you teamwork, they were meant to teach you how to deal with the incompetence of your coworkers in the workplace.

0

2 months ago

coworkers, deal, group, group project, humor, incompetence, lesson, life, life lesson, meant, project, school, teach, teamwork, workplace
You can’t truly refer to yourself as an adult until you catch yourself getting really angry when the grocery store changes their layout.

0

4 weeks ago

adult, anger, angry, catch, change, changes, frustration, getting, grocery, grocery store, layout, maturity, store, truly, yourself
I see why grandmas used to cook dinner at 3 p.m. and sit down the rest of the day.

0

4 months ago

3, afternoon, cook, day, dinner, grandma, humor, i, old fashioned, relaxation, rest, sit, used, why
Weekends are getting shorter and shorter. You blink and it’s already Sunday 5pm.

0

2 months ago

5pm, blink, getting, humor, relaxation, short, shorter, Sunday, time, weekend
Sometimes a man’s purpose is to simply remind you again and again that you’d be just fine on your own.

0

2 months ago

again, fine, humor, independence, just, man, own, purpose, relationship, remind, reminder, self-reliance, simply, sometimes
Comments other people make during a movie are annoying. Comments I make during a movie enhance the experience.

0

2 months ago

annoying, comments, enhance, entertainment, experience, humor, i, movie, opinion, people

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

49 shares on WhatsApp this month:

In medieval Europe, it was pretty easy to amass vast armies eager to go into battle and have their heads chopped off because no one wanted to be alive in medieval Europe.

54 shares on Discord this month:

Happiness is having a large, caring, close-knit family in another city.

80 shares on Slack this month:

Whenever someone says “Per ChatGPT” or “ChatGPT says,” I look at them like they just consulted a magic 8 ball because, please, stop playing with me.

13 shares on Messenger this month:

You don’t scare me. You’re not a parking garage that I can’t figure out how to get out of.

19 shares on X this month:

Born to be a hater but forced to understand where you’re coming from.

69 shares on Facebook this month:

Cigarettes are a better networking tool than LinkedIn could ever dream of being.

71 shares on Discord this month:

Refusing to make eye contact with anyone while I eat my banana.

47 shares on Telegram this month:

If David Bowie taught us anything, it’s that being a little weird is better than being forgettable.

48 shares on Threads this month:

People will think you know what you’re talking about if you give your opinion while cleaning a pair of reading glasses.

38 shares on LinkedIn this month:

It’s exciting to receive a Valentine’s Day card and not know who it’s from. A Father’s Day card, not so much.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

6 folks are currently checking 👀

I’ve already broken all my resolutions and like four commandments.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

When you’re two beers in, and you realize she looks like God.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

If two witches watched two watches, which witch would watch which watch? Each witch would watch which watch belonged to which witch’s wrist.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

At this point, the only thing that can heal me is memory loss.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Whoever named the grapefruit when there was already a fruit named grape. Incompetent legend. I wish we could hang out.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

So many people to disappoint, so little time.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Being married means mostly shouting “What?” from other rooms.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Come on, brain, release the happy chemicals.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

“You’re so quiet.” Thanks, I’m not comfortable around you.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

I hate when someone on a magazine cover stares at me while I eat.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

216 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,485

Funny Quotes Topics

17,557

Funny Quotes Images

15,485

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,377

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇷 has copied:

If you ever need me, I’m always just a couple missed calls and text messages away.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has viewed:

The collective noun for a group of narcissists should be an ‘egosystem’.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has bookmarked:

You look like you can go as yourself for Halloween.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has bookmarked:

Authenticity is whispered, but bullshit is broadcasted.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has viewed:

I thought my mixed signals were perfectly clear.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has bookmarked:

I’ve shouted so much sporting advice from my sofa already this summer. It’s very tiring but hopefully it’s helping.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has bookmarked:

Taking a dog named shark to the beach is a bad idea.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has copied:

I bring a very “are you going to eat your pickle” vibe to lunch meetings.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has viewed:

Not now, I’m busy doing tax crimes on my abacus.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has copied:

I came up with my passwords when I was 12, and never looked back.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Facebook:

If you need me, I’ll be in the shower pretending I can sing.

Just shared via Facebook:

No one told me adulthood would require this much multi-factor authentication.

Just shared via Telegram:

Welcome to your parents’ house, where the wifi password is fEtbqP2LVp3U6Hkh

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Nurse: “This may hurt.” Me: “My life hasn’t been much fun either.”

Trending via TikTok:

The existence of raw sexuality implies the existence of medium sexuality, but also well-done sexuality.

Freshly posted on Threads:

“God has a plan for you!” Okay, well, I have some notes for him.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

My kids couldn’t care less about personal hygiene unless we are running late somewhere.

Just shared via Instagram:

I’m old enough to remember when the hole in the ozone layer killed us all off.

Spotted on Discord:

I hope I don’t die of something stupid like old age, I want a piano to fall on my head.

Just landed via Snapchat:

Some people pack their lives so full of activities, appointments and people that I get exhausted just reading about it.

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