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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇦 has bookmarked:

You know what I never see anymore are those old alcoholics with the weird noses.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has bookmarked:

Follow me on Instagram if you want to see me post absolutely nothing for weeks.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has bookmarked:

Oh, you drink black coffee? Tell your ulcer I said good morning.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has downloaded:

Tonight, my poor liver has to pay again for what went wrong during the week.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has downloaded:

It’s really hard to come back after a poorly executed high five.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has shared:

This is not what adulthood looked like in the brochure.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has viewed:

Am I the only person who would rather almost fall over carrying the shopping than walk a second time?

Someone from 🇬🇧 has downloaded:

I’m just going to be hotter. It’s easier than being nicer.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has downloaded:

This post is highly top-secret. You need to forget that you’ve seen it immediately.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has bookmarked:

Pornhub should do a wrap-up of your year like Spotify does.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,408

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via WeChat:

They lie on the job descriptions, so lie on your resume.

Making waves on WeChat:

As I get older, I’m understanding why everything needs to be done before 12 p.m.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Why be just a part of the solution when you can be the whole problem?

Trending via Facebook:

Seeing an animal sigh is so funny to me. Like, what happened, buddy?

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

These days I just accept the website cookies without any protest. Website is like Grandma, I’m not gonna fight with you.

Spotted on Twitch:

Imagine being a bald vampire and every time you walk by a mirror your toupée is just floating.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Men be like, “Ok, you wanna know the truth,” and lie even harder.

Trending via Reddit:

I’m clumsy but there are upsides. For example, if I finish my chips and I’m sad there’s no more chips, I look in my lap and I always find chips.

Shared recently on Slack:

Nothing you want to do has a timeline.

Spotted on Slack:

Sometimes the universe puts you in the same situations again to see if you’re still an idiot.

The feelings I have for Tom Cruise are the closest approximation I have to what patriotism must feel like.

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The feelings I have for Tom Cruise are the closest approximation I have to what patriotism must feel like.
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Commentary:
"Just made eye contact with Tom Cruise in my dreams and I'm pretty sure the national anthem started playing. 🎶🇺🇸😂"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Social Media Stars ⭐

63 shares on Pinterest this month:

Some people aren’t just missing a screw, the whole toolbox is gone.

12 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I don’t jump to conclusions, I cannonball into them like a boss.

76 shares on Discord this month:

Remember before social media you would have to pick up the phone and call someone to tell them how much you love bacon?

60 shares on Threads this month:

My parents told me Santa wasn’t real when I was 16. Jokes on them, because I’m at the mall right now, and guess who’s here.

59 shares on Discord this month:

Maybe Baby wants to be put in the corner.

48 shares on Telegram this month:

Dear God, make me a bird so I can fly. Fly far, far away and also so I can poop on people.

99 shares on Threads this month:

Maturing is when you’d rather drink your bourbon half-naked on the couch than go out.

55 shares on Facebook this month:

My bathroom mirror after a long party weekend: “Girl, those vitamins can’t help you now.”

61 shares on Discord this month:

I composed this post in a way that only the sexy can read it, so congratulations.

71 shares on Telegram this month:

Why are plane tickets so expensive? You’re going that way anyway, just give me a ride.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

7 folks are currently checking 👀

This tape doesn’t even taste like scotch.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Someone needs to invent a kid that listens the first time.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

All the clouds have come out to play today.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Lazy is such an ugly word. I prefer to call it selective participation.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Shout-out to my embarrassingly squeaky ass bed frame that makes me sound more popular than I actually am to my neighbors.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Maybe somewhere in a parallel universe, I wake up feeling refreshed and energetic each day.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

“I asked ChatGPT.” “I asked Grok.” Yeah, well, I just analyzed it from a Marxist perspective, and it was pretty obvious.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

One day you’re young and carefree and the next you sneeze too hard and hurt your neck.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Just remembered why I went upstairs yesterday.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Glad to be born at a time when I got to see what life was like before the internet, and will be dead before AI completely destroys humanity.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,498

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇾 has bookmarked:

Some people are wise, some folks are otherwise.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has viewed:

The sun is so successful because it has the perfect bedtime and morning routines.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has copied:

If you relate to me, get some help!

Someone from 🇹🇬 has copied:

Yesterday I really wanted tacos and now I’m eating tacos. Follow your dreams!

Someone from 🇺🇸 has bookmarked:

Based on the amount of laundry I wash each week, I’m starting to think there are people who live here that I haven’t met yet.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has bookmarked:

My favorite part of Spring is its rolls.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has downloaded:

Your 20s are for developing attachments to people who will haunt you for the rest of your life.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has viewed:

If you ever need nothing, I’m here for you.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has downloaded:

I wish there was a nicer way to say “my natural tendency to spot patterns is making me feel very uncomfortable about you”.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has downloaded:

Take me back to the night we met so I can never give you a chance.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Instagram:

I consider the second page of Google results the dark web.

Making waves on X:

Please don’t use fear to manipulate me. Much more effective to use cake.

Going viral on Instagram:

Get in loser, we’re going overthinking.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

I tried counting sheep so I can fall asleep but that got boring, so I started talking to the shepherd instead.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Glasses don’t make you look smart, everyone knows you had to fail a test to get them.

Going viral on Slack:

Taylor Swift is a psyop designed to get my wife to hum little tunes here and there.

Going viral on Reddit:

Dear nurses, you don’t have to announce my weight, just write it down. That’s why I have my eyes closed when I’m on the scale.

Making waves on Threads:

The dumbest people have the loudest opinions on politics.

Live now on Slack:

One year older today, and still no closer to growing up.

Trending via Telegram:

When a girl is done with you, she talks to you like she’s in HR or something.

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