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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇹 has downloaded:

There should be a socially acceptable way to say, “I’m not sure what to say to that. Can you please say something different?”.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has copied:

If you don’t know how many x-rays it takes before a person develops super powers, should you really be in a medical profession?

Someone from 🇩🇪 has viewed:

Imagine not sighing when you think about your life.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has bookmarked:

It’s legally required that you lose a frisbee onto the roof within one week of purchase.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has shared:

I am on my second week of biweekly pay so today I will be showing you how to make a quesadilla out of paper towels.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has downloaded:

I don’t need a New Year’s resolution, it’s the year’s turn to be better.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has shared:

Hate it when my mouth says something my brain was trying to keep quiet.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has bookmarked:

I’m going to be real pissed if I get my shit together and the world ends.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has viewed:

My wife has a weird habit of starting conversations by saying, “Are you even listening to me?”

Someone from 🇹🇯 has bookmarked:

Someone was saying that social media makes you miss out on your real life, but have you seen real life?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

1753 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

11,915

Funny Quotes Topics

14,731

Funny Quotes Images

11,915

30 seconds ago

3,453

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on LinkedIn:

You know what goes great with helping your kid with math homework? Vodka!

Going viral on WhatsApp:

I decided to be me and now we have a problem.

Just shared via Telegram:

Seize the day! Unless it sucks. Then seize the next one.

Making waves on WeChat:

My favorite body lotion is Voltaren.

Spotted on Pinterest:

Drinking coffee because throwing chairs at people is frowned upon.

Just landed via Snapchat:

I’ve learned a lot over the years, but the best advice I can ever give someone is never buy a used harmonica.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

My daughter asked me what it’s like to be a parent, so I woke her up at 3 AM to let her know that I couldn’t sleep.

Going viral on Instagram:

I could never be in the mafia, those guys stay up way to late.

Freshly posted on X:

April Fool’s next week and still no one has asked me to be their fool.

Just landed via Instagram:

The only thing I gained so far this year is weight.

The goose: Canada’s most violent saxophone.

6 months ago

The goose: Canada’s most violent saxophone.

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Commentary:
Ah, the majestic goose – known far and wide for its melodious honks and smooth saxophone skills! 🎷🇨🇦 Just imagine a goose soloing on a saxophone, causing chaos and mayhem all around it. It's a unique blend of music and mischief that only our Canadian goose friends can provide! 🦢🎶 #GooseSymphony

animal, Canada, comedy, goose, humor, music, saxophone, violent

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

1753 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

11,915

Funny Quotes Topics

14,731

Funny Quotes Images

11,915

30 seconds ago

3,448

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇹 has downloaded:

Oh, sorry, I can’t right now. I’m imagining some things and worrying about them.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has shared:

If I had today’s mind, I wouldn’t have made yesterday’s mistake. But if I hadn’t made yesterday’s mistake, I wouldn’t have today’s mind.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has viewed:

Good morning only to those who duel at dawn, drink at dusk, and haunt their lovers in between.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has shared:

I’m glad I have boobs. The last thing I need is people making eye contact with me.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has shared:

David Attenborough narrating my life: “He’s still sleeping.”

Someone from 🇿🇲 has copied:

My nephew asks so many questions that Alexa just told him it’s okay to bathe with the toaster.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has copied:

Guys only want one thing and it’s my grandmother’s meatball recipe.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has downloaded:

Sometimes I do something completely out of character, like say no to a slice of pizza, or trust someone.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has viewed:

Agriculture can’t possibly be a dying industry. Bot farms are booming.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has downloaded:

Everyone hates on Gollum but he had the right idea: become a hermit, collect jewels, swim naked in lakes and pools, occasionally hiss at people who try to make you go places.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Slack:

You only live once and thank God for that.

Just shared via Discord:

You can always tell when someone is on a diet by how they scrape every last bit from that yogurt container.

Seen just now on Twitch:

Men make it so easy to hate them.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Today, I’m wearing pink to raise awareness for people like me who forget to separate their red laundry from their whites.

Broadcasted on Facebook:

My cats won’t talk to me because I came home late from work.

Spotted on Messenger:

I don’t have read receipts on my phone because why would I tell on myself like that?

Going viral on Messenger:

If nothing lasts forever, will you be my nothing?

Making waves on Facebook:

People who quit their jobs before having a backup job lined up ain’t scared of nothing.

Spotted on Instagram:

Everyone thinks they won’t be that couple that goes from ‘everything you do is a turn-on’ to ‘you’re breathing too loud,’ but they will be, oh, they will be.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

My favorite dance move is trying to get out of my own way.

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