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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇷 has copied:

I bet the inventor of the cannon would be relieved to know that they’re mostly about t-shirts now.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has shared:

I assume my soulmate has sold his soul to the devil.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has downloaded:

Next time I die, I’m going to make sure I’m reincarnated someplace other than Earth.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has bookmarked:

I might be late to a lot of places, but the airport is not one of them.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has downloaded:

I remember when a computer didn’t automatically connect to the internet, it used to make a screaming noise. We should have listened.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has copied:

Don’t hate me because I can fall asleep within seconds; hate me because I can sleep through the night without having to get up to go to the bathroom.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has shared:

“Would you like to check your account balance?” God no. My balance is none of my business.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has shared:

If I had a wife, I’d text her things like, ‘What’s your full name?’ and ‘When’s your birthday?’

Someone from 🇵🇦 has bookmarked:

My theory is that women’s voices contain frequencies that men simply can’t hear.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has viewed:

Betrayal is when you’re holding a baby, and they put their arms out for someone else.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

299 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,568

Funny Quotes Topics

17,624

Funny Quotes Images

15,568

Updated

Jan 11, 2026

Users Online

3,270

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Do you ever find yourself just thinkin’ about bread?

Trending via Telegram:

I just got lied to by 3K+ people. That recipe was awful.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

I love all mythical creatures. Vampires, werewolves, unicorns, kids who listen.

Just shared via Telegram:

I need an Apple Watch that tracks when my patience runs out.

Just shared via Twitch:

I have a very particular set of useless skills.

Going viral on Twitch:

I keep myself humble by messing up all the time.

Making waves on Telegram:

“Angry on the internet” is such an unfortunate personality.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

What if your dog one day just randomly said “Nobody is going to believe you” and never spoke again.

Live now on Facebook:

My CV is so good, companies are still reading it for 9 months.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

Why does everyone always think that I know what I’m doing? Most of the time I watch myself in amazement and am curious to see what happens.

The most dangerous drinking game I play, is seeing how long I can go without coffee.

1 month ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Trying to dodge the caffeine monster, but it keeps finding me ☕️😅🔍

coffee, dangerous, drinking, game, i, most, play, seeing

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

And to my great-grandchildren, I leave 48,567 screenshots.

6 months ago

family, great-grandchild, humor, i, inheritance, leave, legacy, screenshot, screenshots, technology
Nothing is complicated when you’re simple-minded like me.

4 months ago

complicated, humor, me, nothing, self-deprecating, simple-minded, simplicity
Having a girlfriend is insane because you can literally text them, and they will respond.

5 months ago

communication, girlfriend, having, humor, insane, insanity, literally, relationship, respond, text, texting
I see stand-up comedy as a stepping stone to television. A few more paid gigs and I’ll be able to afford a television.

2 months ago

afford, aspiration, comedy, entertainment, gigs, humor, i, paid, stand-up, stepping, stone, television
At my age, you check a friend’s Facebook page to make sure they’re still alive before wishing them a happy birthday.

2 months ago

age, alive, before, birthday, check, Facebook, friend, friends, happy, humor, page, still, sure, wish
My friends wife threatened to leave him over his Star Wars collectibles and I was like “divorce is strong in this one”.

2 months ago

collectibles, divorce, friends, humor, i, leave, over, relationship, star, Star Wars, strong, threat, wars, wife

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

64 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Just because I loved you at one point doesn’t mean I will always love you. I’m not Whitney Houston.

39 shares on Pinterest this month:

I love rap beefs, it’s so romantic when two guys sing songs to each other.

80 shares on Messenger this month:

I’m currently trying not to read anything about carbohydrates after 4pm.

45 shares on Slack this month:

Been whispering “I like invented her” about my newborn every few hours.

73 shares on Slack this month:

Sometimes I feel like my life is being written by someone who isn’t sure if they like me or not.

45 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Last year I had no valentine, this year I also have no valentine. Consistency!

42 shares on YouTube this month:

I know sacrifice. I’m willing to pluck a few extra hairs to get to the white ones.

46 shares on Reddit this month:

Petition to make check-in at hotels 11am and check-out 3pm, not the other way around. Like, WTF?

69 shares on WeChat this month:

Finally figured out why I look so bad in pictures – it’s my face.

90 shares on YouTube this month:

Babies first steal your glasses and then bite your nose. I don’t know where they get their reputation.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇷 has viewed:

Worst part of being in my 20’s is to be reminded that I’m actually in my mid-40’s.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has downloaded:

It doesn’t matter how old you are, when it starts thundering and lightning, you go and sit at the window to watch.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has copied:

Here’s a question for all the mind readers out there.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has shared:

Just remember, you don’t need a special reason to buy a cake.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has viewed:

The echo in my house when it’s clean is unsettling. Better order more stuff.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has viewed:

To everyone who wrote “stay cool” in my year book, I have some devastating news.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has copied:

Who needs therapy when you can just cry in a fast-food parking lot.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has viewed:

Her heart is a combination of wildflowers and wildfires, delicate, yet so fierce.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has shared:

Self-awareness is such a two-edged sword. Like, yay, I know myself better, but at what cost?

Someone from 🇭🇳 has viewed:

“I’m not short. I’m just more down to earth than most people.”

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Discord:

My shadow quit because I’m too boring.

Breaking via Twitch:

I’m at the age where I have to warm up first before jumping to conclusions.

Going viral on YouTube:

Being sober would be a lot easier if I liked myself.

Live now on Messenger:

When I gain weight, I should get to designate where on my body it goes.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

I wish I had the determination of my wife, who’s still flipping through radio stations as we pull into our driveway.

Making waves on Facebook:

They all cheat, lie and manipulate. Just pick the pretty one.

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

I’m not joining no alternate Twitter app. If this gets taken down, I’m starting a family.

Trending via Snapchat:

Can you imagine if AI ever evolves into trying to kill us, and the thing that saves us is one of Cloudflare’s outages?

Making waves on LinkedIn:

It’s comical when I lean back in my chair only to realize it’s a stool.

Just landed via Messenger:

I have a very active anti-social life.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

The most dangerous drinking game I play, is seeing how long I can go without coffee.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

And to my great-grandchildren, I leave 48,567 screenshots.

Nothing is complicated when you’re simple-minded like me.

Having a girlfriend is insane because you can literally text them, and they will respond.

I see stand-up comedy as a stepping stone to television. A few more paid gigs and I’ll be able to afford a television.

At my age, you check a friend’s Facebook page to make sure they’re still alive before wishing them a happy birthday.

My friends wife threatened to leave him over his Star Wars collectibles and I was like “divorce is strong in this one”.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨