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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇭 has viewed:

Laziness is the art to rest before one gets tired.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has viewed:

After my death, I’ll be very busy. The list of people to whom I want to appear as a ghost is getting longer every day.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has copied:

It’s so hot, I just saw a squirrel fanning its nuts.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has bookmarked:

When you want to key his car, but he doesn’t have one, so you bend his bus pass.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has viewed:

When God closes a door, he opens a window. Unfortunately, we are in a submarine.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has copied:

Babe, wanna come over and watch me apply for jobs on Indeed until I start to cry.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has bookmarked:

The closest I’ve come to mastering a martial art is figuring out how to wash my feet in the shower.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has copied:

Why a bug would spend such a long fraction of its short life immobile on my ceiling beats me.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has shared:

Canadians are nice because they’re close to Santa.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has viewed:

Me and the fellas making welcome gift baskets for the aliens.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2320 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,482

Funny Quotes Topics

15,188

Funny Quotes Images

12,482

Updated

19 minutes ago

Users Online

3,459

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Snapchat:

I can’t believe she picked her husband, her boyfriend and her other boyfriend over me.

Spotted on Threads:

Insulting me won’t work. I already said that to myself earlier.

Seen just now on Facebook:

Life is so dull when you don’t have someone to flirt with.

Trending via WhatsApp:

I don’t care for the term drug mule, why can’t it be a drug unicorn.

Spotted on Facebook:

The Midwest urge to have a drink on a patio as soon as it’s nice out.

Just shared via Pinterest:

Most of my job is making things idiot proof, but they keep making better idiots.

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

Everyone is posting their vacation pictures and I’m like… I went shopping.

Freshly posted on Slack:

“I’m not afraid to admit when I’m wrong. For example, I thought it was a good idea to leave the house today, which, as it turns out, was a terrible mistake.”

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

Why is everyone mean to the kindest people for absolutely no reason?

Making waves on Pinterest:

I can’t wait for my mom to come to my new house so she can tell me how I organized the kitchen wrong.

The most difficult thing you’ll do as a parent is not rearrange the ornaments after the kids put them on the tree.
The most difficult thing you’ll do as a parent is not rearrange the ornaments after the kids put them on the tree.
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Commentary:
🤹‍♂️🎄Parenting is a true test of letting go – especially when those ornaments are hanging by a thread and your inner perfectionist is screaming! Just remember, it's all part of the holiday charm, right? Who knew that teaching patience could be so festive? 🤪🎅

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2320 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,482

Funny Quotes Topics

15,188

Funny Quotes Images

12,482

Updated

19 minutes ago

Users Online

3,448

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Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇪 has viewed:

I don’t always clear my calculator, but when I do, I hit both C and CE a bunch of times because I don’t know exactly what they do.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has shared:

I’ve never been to hell, but I once forgot to buy batteries for the toys on Christmas morning. The sound is still ringing in my ears.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has downloaded:

What beautiful weather outside. I’m gonna close the curtains.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has bookmarked:

I be skipping everyone’s stories but watch mine like 20 times.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has viewed:

The only thing worse than a nightmare is waking up from a great dream before you get to see how it ends.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has downloaded:

Men microdose bicuriousness by asking what you’d do for a million dollars.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has shared:

The night terrors don’t scare me half as much as the day terrors.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has shared:

Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it most never use it.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has viewed:

My superpower is holding onto stuff for years and throwing it away exactly one week before I need it.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has copied:

First you’re cringe, then you’re the blueprint.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Slack:

I kind of enjoy living in a world where I can end a conversation by simply not texting back.

Trending via Slack:

There are too many movies about vampire hunters and not enough about vampire gatherers.

Trending via Discord:

There’s someone in our team who behaves horribly to me and whenever I have to type his name, I’ve taken to using a slightly smaller font size than for everyone else’s.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

“Hey you!” is short for “I have no idea what your name is.”

Broadcasted on Slack:

I did some soul searching last night. I’m happy to report I still have one.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Love those deep burps that instantly make me feel like I lost 10 lbs.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

I’ve been in a bad mood since like 2010.

Just landed via Twitch:

The next time someone texts me “we need to talk,” I’ll reply, “Yes, we really need to talk,” so that I won’t be the only one stressing.

Going viral on WeChat:

“You look tired”. No, I’m just ugly.

Shared recently on Discord:

“It’s bikini season,” I whisper, eating another bikini.

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