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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇪 has bookmarked:

You’ve never burned music to a CD, and it shows.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has copied:

Having a job ruined my life.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has downloaded:

If you’re not in my circle of trust, you’re probably in my triangle of suspicion or rhombus of doubt.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has bookmarked:

You had me at “We’ll make it look like an accident.”

Someone from 🇱🇮 has copied:

For the record, I use a turntable.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has shared:

I hate being in that mood where nothing’s really wrong but nothing feels right either.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has bookmarked:

“You’re a cougar!” God forbid a woman gives back to the youth.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has bookmarked:

I will always be hotter than everyone who hates me.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has bookmarked:

I don’t want to party like it’s 1999, I want to go grocery shopping like it is.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has downloaded:

I only trust people who give off unemployable energy.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

94 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,363

Funny Quotes Topics

17,479

Funny Quotes Images

15,363

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,417

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Facebook:

Getting tipsy at a dimly lit restaurant with good conversation would heal me right now.

Spotted on Discord:

If you’re riding in my car, that little middle piece is for my elbow — not yours.

Spotted on Threads:

Being an adult is getting excited about buying new appliances.

Spotted on Discord:

Statistically speaking, on average, a person has two arms, two legs, one testicle, and one ovary.

Broadcasted on TikTok:

When you realize your punishments as a kid (stay home, take a nap, no junk food, go to bed early) are now your goals as an adult.

Seen just now on Telegram:

One of my greatest strengths is appearing busy so people don’t try to speak to me.

Trending via Messenger:

Does the HDMI cord have the most dominant run of any cord ever?

Trending via Reddit:

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but throw away your disgusting dish sponge.

Trending via X:

Not now, I’m befriending a crow and teaching it how to deliver handwritten love notes.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Two things I learned yesterday: I’m not too old to sit in a beanbag chair, but I’m too old to get out of one.

The most difficult thing you’ll do as a parent is not rearrange the ornaments after the kids put them on the tree.

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The most difficult thing you’ll do as a parent is not rearrange the ornaments after the kids put them on the tree.
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Commentary:
🤹‍♂️🎄Parenting is a true test of letting go – especially when those ornaments are hanging by a thread and your inner perfectionist is screaming! Just remember, it's all part of the holiday charm, right? Who knew that teaching patience could be so festive? 🤪🎅

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

42 shares on X this month:

Some people avoid bacon for the sake of religion. I avoid religion for the sake of bacon.

31 shares on Discord this month:

“You’re an adult, maybe it’s time to stop fighting with people on the internet.”

23 shares on LinkedIn this month:

If you lift the cat off the couch and it sounds like Velcro, then it didn’t want to leave.

73 shares on Facebook this month:

It’s okay, wobbly chair, I’m unstable too.

30 shares on Snapchat this month:

This post ain’t gonna like itself, damn.

93 shares on Messenger this month:

Career anxiety hitting at random hours of the day.

62 shares on YouTube this month:

I try to shoot all of my garbage into outer space, but usually it just lands in my neighbor’s backyard.

74 shares on Instagram this month:

If you don’t believe aliens walk amongst us, who else could write such unnatural dialogue in pharmaceutical commercials?

28 shares on Discord this month:

“What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger!” Oh, it’s ok, you can just kill me next time.

85 shares on Telegram this month:

If you see me out running, you should run too, because something is definitely chasing me.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

25 folks are currently checking 👀

They should invent a Twitter where the timeline doesn’t refresh against your will.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Netflix should’ve just maybe mailed us all this fight on DVD.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Tired of my landlord depending on my rent. Bro, get a job.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

The feminine urge to start a coven.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

I put on my Godzilla costume, then go to the miniature golf course to beat up the windmill.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

I tiptoe near my medicine cabinet because I don’t want to wake my sleeping pills.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s like ten thousand tweets when all you need is a life.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Accidentally falling asleep is always the best sleep — and that’s so irritating.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Life is short, unless you’re listening to a kid describing an episode of PAW Patrol.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

I hope all of you get laid and not laid off this year. Amen.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

94 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,363

Funny Quotes Topics

17,479

Funny Quotes Images

15,363

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,560

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇫🇷 has bookmarked:

My grandmother is a shining example of how you can live until 90 years of age, sustained by nothing but spite and biscuits.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has shared:

A shark could swim faster than me, but I could probably run faster than a shark. So, in a triathlon, it would all come down to who is the better cyclist.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has shared:

Good morning to the wind beneath my wings only.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has downloaded:

Mornings would be fine if they started later.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has viewed:

People just don’t stop, collaborate, and listen like they used to.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has viewed:

She was unique, like a millennial that could drive a stick shift.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has copied:

My favourite animal is me when I have money.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has shared:

My toxic trait is consistently cutting off the resealable part of the bag of frozen vegetables.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has viewed:

Went to HR to complain about my coworkers but my mom said she can’t fire my kids.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has copied:

Gonna take the kids to the planetarium so they can watch YouTube on their phones.

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

A hot tub is basically a big bowl of human soup.

Seen just now on Facebook:

It’s leg day. No, not at the gym, dummy. I’m shaving them.

Just shared via Slack:

Love it when you say or do some common sense thing and the other person has “file not found” written all over their face.

Spotted on Threads:

“Are you ok?” Of course not. Next question!

Breaking via Reddit:

I really feel like we need to have more fun in life, because literally nothing matters.

Broadcasted on Telegram:

I, unfortunately, was born without any interest in Avatar.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

Hello taxi, off to Friday please. Money doesn’t matter!

Seen just now on Threads:

The longest and most adventurous journeys begin with the words: “I know a shortcut.”

Just landed via Reddit:

Say what you want about online meetings, but there are few things more liberating than attending a disciplinary hearing naked from the waist down.

Spreading quickly via X:

I don’t want to party like it’s 1999, I want to go grocery shopping like it is.

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