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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡―πŸ‡² has shared:

Get off the apps. Sleep with someone in your friend group. Add an awkward tension every time you hang out with them.

Someone from πŸ‡¬πŸ‡Ό has bookmarked:

I refuse to take a single bite of my food until I find something good on TV.

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡» has downloaded:

You never realize how long a minute is until you’re exercising.

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡± has copied:

We hate the same people and it’s so romantic.

Someone from πŸ‡¬πŸ‡­ has viewed:

I was dismayed to hear the story of Rumpelstiltskin. I had no idea he was like that outside of work.

Someone from πŸ‡¦πŸ‡Ί has shared:

Interviewer: “What did you learn from your previous job?” Me: “That I need a new job.”

Someone from πŸ‡ΉπŸ‡· has shared:

When I say someone is a good doctor, it’s entirely based on the strength of their waiting room Wi-Fi.

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡Ώ has viewed:

My watch battery is fully charged. So I got some time.

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡¬ has bookmarked:

β€œYou win some. You lose some.” Me, after losing for the millionth time in a row.

Someone from πŸ‡¬πŸ‡Ύ has viewed:

Sometimes I think the subway rat is doing better than me. He has a routine, a social circle, and knows where to find the best pizza.

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

244 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,513

Funny Quotes Topics

17,581

Funny Quotes Images

15,513

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,490

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Going bananas on TikTok:

Hey, sorry I’m late, I didn’t want to come.

Shared recently on Slack:

Singing in the shower is fun until you get soap in your mouth. Then it’s a soap opera.

Going viral on Twitch:

I generally don’t know what the hell I’m doing, but I’m really good at it.

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

SomethΡ–ng wrong Ρ–n your lΡ–fe? There’s a nap for that.

Going viral on Telegram:

If I go quiet, it’s because I am plotting my escape or your demise.

Trending via Telegram:

Viewing someone’s LinkedIn after they’ve viewed yours to assert dominance.

Freshly posted on Slack:

Therapy isn’t enough, she needs to know people congratulated me when we broke up.

Trending via Telegram:

The phrase “don’t take this the wrong way” has a 0% success rate.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

I think nervous flatulence would be helpful if you were ever kidnapped.

Trending via TikTok:

Being single only sucks when you’re a little drunk and really want to flirt.

The most productive species of beaver is the Eager.

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The most productive species of beaver is the Eager.
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Commentary:
Well, it's no wonder the Eager beaver gets so much done – they're just way too eager to slack off! 🌟🦫 Keep calm and beaver on, the hustle is real for this ambitious little creature! πŸƒβ€β™‚οΈπŸ’Ό

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Welcome to Wordgag! πŸ˜‰βœŒοΈ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. πŸ˜‚πŸ’₯

Social Media Stars ⭐

59 shares on Slack this month:

Isn’t your email address beautifulgirl@mydreams.com?

54 shares on Twitch this month:

Yes, I do talk to myself, everyone else just wants to argue with me.

58 shares on YouTube this month:

Dates are weird, like, okay I guess I’ll dress up for my romantic interview.

85 shares on Facebook this month:

50 is the new 30. Because it takes 50 bucks to buy what 30 used to.

73 shares on Discord this month:

Met a microbiologist once. They’re a lot bigger than I imagined.

70 shares on Pinterest this month:

“Slipping in the shower and trying to hold on to the water jet…” Shall I tell you more about myself?

27 shares on Discord this month:

I miss my kids the most when they go to bed and the mosquitoes go after me because they have no other options.

17 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I’m nervous that my diet pill will stick in my throat, so I usually eat a few cookies after to help push it down.

86 shares on Snapchat this month:

It would be nice to see basic human decency make a comeback.

79 shares on Slack this month:

The easiest way to bundle your home and auto insurance is to live in your car.

Trending Topics πŸ“

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes πŸ’₯

5 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Taking a phone to school in primary was like smuggling drugs.

13 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

How do I gracefully leave this party early but also take the queso dip with me?

19 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

A babysitter is a teenager who acts like an adult while the adults go out to act like teenagers.

8 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Not to brag, but I’m on hold and my call is important to them.

9 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I was living in the moment until I was evicted.

25 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I will always be hotter than everyone who hates me.

9 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Good morning to everyone except the baristas who don’t tighten the lid.

15 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

My toxic trait is consistently cutting off the resealable part of the bag of frozen vegetables.

23 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

What do you mean a baguette isn’t a female bag?

5 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Talking to animals doesn’t make you crazy, hearing them talk back does.

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

244 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,513

Funny Quotes Topics

17,581

Funny Quotes Images

15,513

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,319

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡»πŸ‡Ί has copied:

A political guy who supports communism because he hates applying for jobs and just wants to be assigned somewhere.

Someone from πŸ‡³πŸ‡± has bookmarked:

Farting, but with eye contact.

Someone from πŸ‡°πŸ‡¬ has bookmarked:

Having a peanut allergy has to be so wild. Like, imagine you’re at a baseball game and there are people chucking bags of rattlesnakes past your head.

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡· has downloaded:

My favorite part about going camping is the part where I stay at home, and I don’t go camping.

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡¨ has viewed:

Stop giving kids Bible names but no Bible lessons. Moses tried to rob me last night.

Someone from πŸ‡¨πŸ‡· has bookmarked:

Being strange is exhausting.

Someone from πŸ‡ΊπŸ‡Έ has viewed:

Sundries sounds like something grandma would call scandalous underwear.

Someone from πŸ‡¦πŸ‡· has viewed:

Did it hurt, when my ice cream outlasted yours?

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡Ώ has copied:

Lies I tell myself: Just one more cookie. Just one more movie. Just one more minute.

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡Ί has copied:

I haven’t posted a selfie in a while, but I’m still very cute. Just to keep you updated.

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Seen just now on TikTok:

People singing Happy Birthday to you feels like a real-life unskippable ad.

Going viral on TikTok:

I’m not asking for a lot, I just want someone down to earth that’s gonna touch me all over like my shower curtain does.

Just shared via Pinterest:

Airplanes are so weird because how does a giant metal box stay in the air like that, and why am I craving tomato juice?

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Blocking him isn’t enough. I need to watch his hairline recede.

Broadcasted on Telegram:

The most annoying child in our house is that of my mother-in-law.

Trending via Pinterest:

Asking for a donation like Wikipedia every time someone asks me a question.

Spotted on YouTube:

If you relate to me, get some help!

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Got kicked out of reincarnation club for yelling yolo.

Going viral on Snapchat:

Breaking a heart is considered bad, but melting a heart is somehow good.

Going viral on Discord:

Me, waiting on an email: What the hell is taking so long, this is ridiculous. Me, sending an email: this can probably wait another three weeks or so.

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