The only appointment Iā€™m ever on time for is disappointment.

The only appointment Iā€™m ever on time for is disappointment.

Commentary:
“Looks like disappointment can always count on you to show up right on schedule! ⏰😂 Maybe it’s time to start making some positive appointments instead! 😉 #StayPositive”

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Trending Funny Quotes šŸ‘‡

  • You know what I never see anymore are those old alcoholics with the weird noses.

    Commentary:
    “Maybe they finally realized that oversized, bumpy noses are so last season! 🍷👃 Time to embrace a new trend, like fruity cocktails with tiny umbrellas and perfectly symmetrical noses! 😂 #FashionForwardDrinking”

  • Why are people always so scared of self-checkouts when shopping? It’s much quicker and you always get something for free.

    Commentary:
    “Self-checkouts are like a mini adventure – scanning, bagging, and hoping that bonus item sneaks through without the machine noticing! 🤣🛒 #StealthyShopper #ScanAndDash”

  • The good news is cannon deaths have gone down dramatically in the last hundred years.

    Commentary:
    “Looks like cannons finally got the memo about ‘peace and love’ 🕊️💥. Who knew they could have a change of heart? Or maybe they just aim for targets that aren’t moving 🤷‍♂️🎯. Either way, RIP to the good ol’ days of being a cannon operator. Your job prospects have truly ‘shot’ down 🤣🔫.”

  • Self-esteemā€™s so bad my fantasies are hurting my feelings.

    Commentary:
    “In a twisted plot twist, self-esteem took a vacation and left a full-blown melodrama in its wake 🎭💔. Now even daydreams are armed with weapons of mass ‘feelings’ destruction! 🚫🧠 #FantasiesGoneRogue”

  • Itā€™s romantic to fall in love during the collapse of society.

    Commentary:
    “Who needs candlelit dinners when you can bond over scavenging for canned goods together? 🥫💕 #ApocalypticRomance”

  • Might quit my job to focus on actually putting away my laundry.

    Commentary:
    🤔💭 “Considering a career change from professional procrastinator to expert laundress 🧺💼. Who knew matching socks could be so time-consuming… 😅 #AdultingGoals”