Wordgag ツ

Commentary:
"Looks like disappointment can always count on you to show up right on schedule! ⏰😂 Maybe it's time to start making some positive appointments instead! 😉 #StayPositive"

appointment, disappointment, ever, expectations, humor, irony, life, time

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

A gentleman always straightens out the vending machine after shaking it.

0

2 months ago

activity, always, etiquette, fun, fun activity, gentleman, humor, machine, neatness, shaking, vending, vending machine
Grandparents were right. Sitting in a chair, doing nothing, and staring at nature is incredible.

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4 months ago

chair, doing, doing nothing, grandparent, grandparents, humor, incredible, nature, nothing, observation, relaxation, right, sitting, staring, wisdom
So. Fed the laundry and washed the cat. Showered the garbage and disposed of myself. Was there anything else?

0

2 months ago

absurdity, anything, cat, chores, disposal, else, garbage, humor, laundry, myself, shower, showered
Not to brag, but I drove and found a place I was looking for without turning down my music today.

0

2 months ago

accomplishment, brag, driving, found, humor, i, looking, multitasking, music, navigation, place, today, turning
My role at Thanksgiving dinner is to Blair Witch it alone in the corner.

0

1 month ago

alone, awkwardness, blair, Blair Witch, corner, dinner, family, humor, role, Thanksgiving, witch
Driving between speed cameras is called intermittent fasting.

0

2 months ago

camera, diet, driving, fasting, humor, intermittent, intermittent fasting, joke, speed, speed camera, traffic

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

24 shares on Facebook this month:

The idea that the zombies in the 28 Days series exist entirely in Britain is genuinely hilarious. The rest of the world saw that and was like, “Yeah, they can handle it on their own.”

12 shares on Slack this month:

I need to start hiding my money from myself.

20 shares on Reddit this month:

Sorry, I don’t think I can hang out this weekend, my 4-year-old is still telling a joke.

19 shares on Slack this month:

My apologies to the Goodreads reviewer who found my novel about vampires on a submarine, “unrealistic.”

96 shares on Discord this month:

Sometimes I don’t worry about things at all and other times I am awake.

75 shares on WeChat this month:

Chores give kids a sense of responsibility while teaching relevant life skills such as procrastination.

32 shares on Pinterest this month:

Eating rice with my hands, but not in a political way. In a lazy, fat guy way.

47 shares on Snapchat this month:

Every man learns for himself the uselessness of owning an iPad.

90 shares on WhatsApp this month:

College is not even mentioned once in the Bible. Somebody get me outta here.

57 shares on Discord this month:

This wouldn’t happen to me if I were a huge dragon.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇷 has bookmarked:

Breaking news: you’re way less interesting than you think you are.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has downloaded:

Calm yourself, Lucifer. You did the right thing coming to me for advice.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has shared:

Going out for two days in a row should really be considered an extreme sport.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has copied:

There’s something so romantic about getting McDonald’s with a lover. Intimate perhaps.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has bookmarked:

Welcome to your 50s… A new pain will be be assigned to you shortly.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has copied:

At my next job, I’m gonna lie about having a kid so I can leave the office anytime I want like everyone else with children.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has viewed:

People are like lottery tickets, most of them are losers.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has bookmarked:

A little time spent not acting your age is never a bad thing.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has bookmarked:

My yoga instructor was drunk today. Put me in a very awkward position.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has viewed:

Ever since I learned the show is called Suits because of lawsuits and not because they wear suits, I have harbored a hot white rage within me beyond anything mankind has ever known.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Straight man stuns they/them by ordering in fluent woke.

Live now on Messenger:

The laundromat should give you XP and ranks like “Slimelord” and “Glunkfather,” based on how dirty your clothes are.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Santa punched a hole in my wall because I left him soy milk.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Old people get so mad when you’re young and tired.

Seen just now on Messenger:

We’re in the middle of a snowstorm with no cake in the house. I never expected to perish like this.

Shared recently on Twitch:

Giving all the dogs in my neighborhood matching sweaters for Christmas so they can be in a gang.

Just landed via Slack:

The man who invented autocorrect walks into a barn. He orders a bear.

Just landed via Telegram:

As you get older, you suddenly realize that the Smurf who hates everything is the normal one.

Just landed via Messenger:

The sound of rain outside when you’re in bed is elite.

Spotted on WeChat:

Maturing is when you’d rather drink your bourbon half-naked on the couch than go out.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

The only appointment I’m ever on time for is disappointment.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

A gentleman always straightens out the vending machine after shaking it.

Grandparents were right. Sitting in a chair, doing nothing, and staring at nature is incredible.

So. Fed the laundry and washed the cat. Showered the garbage and disposed of myself. Was there anything else?

Not to brag, but I drove and found a place I was looking for without turning down my music today.

My role at Thanksgiving dinner is to Blair Witch it alone in the corner.

Driving between speed cameras is called intermittent fasting.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨