Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇼 has bookmarked:

If they treat you like an option, leave them like a choice, and make your exit as dramatic as a Netflix season finale.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has copied:

I drink so much coffee, people feel jittery when they see a picture of me.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has viewed:

We’re limited only by our imagination and some federal agencies.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has copied:

Someone told me I wasn’t thinking clearly, as if that’s even an option.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has viewed:

I suck at flirting. I be like “is that so?”

Someone from 🇪🇹 has downloaded:

Offering people sitting on the bus my standing room. Like it’s better.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has shared:

My phone is like my lover, it’s the last thing I see at night, and the first thing I wake up to every morning.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has downloaded:

I would like to thank my arms for always being by my side. My legs for always supporting me. And my fingers because I can always count on them.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has viewed:

The sole purpose of some household items is to make it impossible for you to open the damn drawer.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has shared:

Don’t hate me, date me!

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,549

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on TikTok:

Just know that somebody out there is thinking of you, and you should really lock your doors.

Live now on Instagram:

Life hack: You can turn your ordinary sofa into a sofa bed by simply forgetting your wife’s birthday.

Making waves on Snapchat:

Turns out, sitting on the porch, feeding birds and squirrels, is a pretty good treatment for depression.

Seen just now on Facebook:

My body is like an elastic band – no matter how I stretch it, it goes back to the nap position.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

I now have Taylor Swift as my alarm. Now I always wake up five minutes earlier so I don’t have to listen to it.

Seen just now on YouTube:

If at first you don’t succeed, the internet will let you know immediately.

Seen just now on Discord:

Croutons feel like an apology. “Sorry we gave you salad. Have some consolation toast.”

Just landed via Instagram:

It’s always fun listening to someone’s lie when you already know the truth.

Just landed via Telegram:

Grok, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

Seen just now on WeChat:

Euthanizing my Tamagotchi.

The toughest part of being a vegan is keeping it to yourself.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Vegan superpower: the nearly impossible mission of staying silent about it! 🤫🥦😆"

being, diet, humor, joke, lifestyle, secrecy, vegan, yourself

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I’m so grateful when people tell me to drive safe, cause then I remember not to drive off that cliff.

0

2 months ago

cause, cliff, comedy, drive, driving, grateful, gratitude, humor, i, irony, me, people, reckless, remember, safe, safety, sarcasm, tell
I will never be the person this serving size suggestion wants me to be.

0

2 months ago

expectations, food, humor, i, individuality, me, never, person, self-acceptance, serving, serving size, size, suggestion, wants
I’m just going to be hotter. It’s easier than being nicer.

0

4 months ago

appearance, attractiveness, being, easier, going, hotter, humor, just, motivation, nicer, personality, sarcasm, self-confidence
As a Dad, you always want your kids to be prepared for real life, that’s why trolling them is so vital.

0

2 months ago

always, dad, family, family fun, fun, humor, kids, lessons, life, life lessons, parenting, preparation, prepared, real, real life, trolling, want
Babe, are you okay? You’ve barely responded to my telepathic messages.

0

4 months ago

babe, communication, concern, humor, message, messages, okay, partner, relationship, telepathic, telepathic message, texting
Imagine hating me, and I’m just here unloading my dishwasher.

0

2 months ago

attitude, chore, daily, daily chore, dishwasher, hate, here, humor, imagine, just, me, sarcasm, unloading

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

14 shares on Instagram this month:

The people that ask Grok everything are the same people that follow Google Map directions straight into a lake.

85 shares on YouTube this month:

In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra.

61 shares on WhatsApp this month:

My New Year’s resolution is to procrastinate. I’Il start tomorrow.

83 shares on Facebook this month:

Just caught a moth and sent it back outside. Feeling like Mr. Miyagi.

74 shares on Reddit this month:

The me who snips coupons needs to communicate better with the me who walks into the stores.

36 shares on Reddit this month:

I’m sorry for setting the impossible standards that the rest of you try to live up to.

66 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I got a bumper sticker that says, “Honk if you think I’m pretty.” Sometimes I just sit at green lights until I feel better about myself.

78 shares on YouTube this month:

We can’t use nicknames at work anymore, and I blame Teletubby.

56 shares on Slack this month:

People my age are raising children, and I’m just here trying to bribe myself with treats into doing my own chores.

94 shares on X this month:

Still don’t understand how girls with no jobs be holding iPhones.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇾 has copied:

I’m the guy at Apple who makes sure all your featured photos are your exes and your dog that died.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has downloaded:

Instead of studying, I like to stay on my phone and worry about how I’m going to pass.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has downloaded:

Sitting in a room with my husband and kids… Suddenly I realize everyone here has been in my vagina. Wow.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has bookmarked:

If someone texts “Do you have a minute,” it’s a trick. Don’t fall for it.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has copied:

Laziness is the art to rest before one gets tired.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has shared:

Seeing an animal sigh is so funny to me. Like, what happened, buddy?

Someone from 🇰🇮 has bookmarked:

Going to the beach the day after watching Jaws hits different.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has viewed:

I already know how it will end. One of my children will unplug my life support to charge their phone.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has copied:

Grocery shopping while hungry feels like online shopping while drunk.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has bookmarked:

Eating cookies left for Santa because the cowboy was a no show.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Time needs a speed limit.

Just shared via Telegram:

I don’t like being asked “are you at home?” Please expand further so I can know whether I’m at home or not.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

I taught my kids about democracy tonight by having them vote on which movie to watch and pizza to order. I then picked the movie and pizza because I’m the one with the money.

Shared recently on Twitch:

Is it a good sign when your therapist keeps saying Ka-Ching?

Broadcasted on YouTube:

I like driving by myself. I just played the same song 36 times.

Trending via Instagram:

I already know how it will end. One of my children will unplug my life support to charge their phone.

Spotted on Reddit:

Men become instantly more attractive when they wear aviators; it’s science.

Making waves on Reddit:

Are you telling me these billionaires don’t have my best interests at heart?!

Broadcasted on Slack:

About 40 muscles are activated when you eat just one donut. Follow me for more fitness advice.

Making waves on Facebook:

First date idea: unlock and switch phones with the other person for exactly two minutes and if no one is horrified then the date continues.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

The toughest part of being a vegan is keeping it to yourself.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I’m so grateful when people tell me to drive safe, cause then I remember not to drive off that cliff.

I will never be the person this serving size suggestion wants me to be.

I’m just going to be hotter. It’s easier than being nicer.

As a Dad, you always want your kids to be prepared for real life, that’s why trolling them is so vital.

Babe, are you okay? You’ve barely responded to my telepathic messages.

Imagine hating me, and I’m just here unloading my dishwasher.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨