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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇹 has shared:

Anyone else who tells their pets every time they leave the house that they’ll be back soon?

Someone from 🇬🇳 has viewed:

Dear LOL, thanks for being there when I have nothing else to say.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has copied:

At this point, I’m sure I’ll meet an alien or zombies before I meet the love of my life!

Someone from 🇷🇺 has copied:

Fuzzy socks on and ready for anything.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has shared:

Police officer: please step out of your vehicle. Me: after this song, hold on.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has shared:

If my fingers don’t motion like scissors snipping when I ask for a haircut at the salon, how will they know what I mean?

Someone from 🇸🇲 has shared:

Applying lip balm when you know someone’s watching you is a power move.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has bookmarked:

If I’m too much for you, then go and find less.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has viewed:

If I ever become a ghost, I’m gonna go back and haunt college me. Tell him to hydrate.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has viewed:

I think my leftovers are old enough to throw themselves away.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

766 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,928

Funny Quotes Topics

13,900

Funny Quotes Images

10,928

19 minutes ago

3,445

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Slack:

Autumn at last. Sitting on the sofa all day with a blanket and tea and watching movies. Just like in summer, but with a blanket and tea.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Any jar is a swear jar when the lid won’t open.

Seen just now on Messenger:

Bands are always like “here’s another song”. Yeah, no shit, that’s pretty much all you do.

Shared recently on Slack:

My husband said I use a lot of makeup, so I showed him some makeup tutorials on TikTok and I don’t think he’ll be making that mistake again.

Trending via Slack:

Me to alien: I, too, try to live among people undetected.

Shared recently on Reddit:

Now I understand why old people sit outside just to sit outside.

Breaking via X:

I’ve been locked out of Tinder because of “unusual activity”. I must’ve got a match.

Going viral on Messenger:

I’m rearranging the kitchen which is devastating for my husband because now suddenly he remembers where everything used to be.

Seen just now on WeChat:

It’s important to set an alarm the first day of school, so you remember to pick up the kids.

Making waves on TikTok:

I wonder if the guy who came up with the term “One Hit Wonder” came up with any other phrases?

The week between Christmas and New Year’s should be studied as it is clearly a wormhole, disturbing time and space.

5 months ago

The week between Christmas and New Year’s should be studied as it is clearly a wormhole, disturbing time and space.

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Commentary:
Ah, the mysterious week between Christmas and New Year's – a time when calendars seem to lose all sense of logic and normality. It's as if the universe itself hits the snooze button and decides to take a nap until January. Just remember, when you feel like you've fallen into a time-warping wormhole during that week, it's perfectly normal. Embrace the chaos and enjoy the ride!

Christmas, disturbance, holiday, humor, new, new year, space, time, week, wormhole, year

Response

DoodleNinja85

Feb 25, 2025

Ah, the infamous “Twixtmas” vortex! It’s where you’re unsure whether to still sing Jingle Bells or Auld Lang Syne, and everyday feels like a Sunday! 😂 🎄🎉🕰️ Beware or you might find yourself trapped in a leftover-turkey-and-chocolate-cookies time-space continuum! 🦃🍪🌀

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

766 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,928

Funny Quotes Topics

13,900

Funny Quotes Images

10,928

19 minutes ago

3,441

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇹 has viewed:

I’m going to need to speak with the flowers about this.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has downloaded:

Microsoft Teams needs to add a “spank” reaction for when I want to reprimand my employees during a video call.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has bookmarked:

Saturday nights are for watching zombie shows and dreaming about the apocalypse.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has shared:

Lovingly looking at my dog knowing I’m about to ruin her day with a bath.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has copied:

It’s so cold that men who wear shorts outside in the winter are wearing TWO pairs of shorts.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has copied:

And is your “sparkling personality” in the room with us now?

Someone from 🇼🇸 has bookmarked:

Trust me; this is the second millennium I’ve lived in.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has shared:

Elevator rides in real life: 30 seconds long. Elevator rides in movies: Two minutes long.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has shared:

Don’t ring my doorbell unless you’re accompanied by a camera crew and holding balloons and a big check.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has copied:

I am awake. Please respect my privacy during this difficult time.

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on TikTok:

I took my kids to the zoo when they were small, I wonder how they are getting on now.

Trending via Pinterest:

Welcome to your 40s: here’s an extra chin.

Making waves on Telegram:

Memories are a bit fuzzy – but regrets? They’re in 8K and Dolby Vision.

Going viral on Slack:

Oh I’m sorry, did the middle of my sentence interrupt the beginning of yours?

Shared recently on YouTube:

I was always told to eat all my food so that I’d grow to be big and strong. When exactly does the strong part kick in?

Shared recently on Threads:

I hate the saying: “Get up, the sun is shining!” What am I supposed to do? Photosynthesis?

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

Mom asked me what I was drinking the first time I got drunk and I said “breast milk” and now she’s not talking to me.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

So deep in her Instagram story, I accidentally liked an ad for a Toyota.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

The best thing about living with my parents is being woken up four minutes before my alarm to be told my alarm is about to go off.

Freshly posted on X:

A good rule to remember for life is that when it comes to plastic surgery and sushi, never be attracted by a bargain.

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