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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇫🇯 has copied:

People really be like, “I would never do that to you,” and then do it with a remix.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has bookmarked:

I used to think that the older you get, the wiser and more self-confident you become. I now know that you just get tired more quickly.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has copied:

When I like a song, I repeat it until the artist comes out and ask for water.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has shared:

Corporate life requires an ass-licking skill set I simply wasn’t born with.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has downloaded:

How dare my boss set up a meeting for the time I sneak off early?

Someone from 🇸🇦 has viewed:

I have neither the patience nor the crayons to show you why this is a bad idea.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has downloaded:

Parenting is cheering on your kid’s winning softball team all weekend and then cheering on the Sunday rain for cancelling the rest of the games.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has copied:

Due to unforeseen circumstances, I will be acting weird today.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has viewed:

I don’t have bad handwriting, I’m just using my own font.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has shared:

Relationships: Because sometimes destroying your life is a two person job.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Dec 31, 2025

3,563

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Slack:

I could never be an Instagram mom influencer. For starters, I wouldn’t be able to give my kids a name like Banjo or Parmesan or Chandelier.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

I have my own hand stamper at home so my coworkers will think I went someplace fun the night before.

Live now on Reddit:

Relationship status: my sex robot filed a restraining order.

Seen just now on Threads:

Person in murder documentary: This is a small town. Things like this don’t happen here. Me: Um, based on the shows I watch, that’s all that happens in small towns.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Dissecting an alien and getting bitterly jealous at their crazy organs.

Just shared via Reddit:

I hate that Al has now caused me to question the authenticity of cute animal videos online. I don’t even know if this baby penguin actually wore a beret to go buy a tiny baguette in Paris.

Trending via Snapchat:

The gap in my resume is because I was trying to reach enlightenment for 5 years.

Seen just now on Discord:

Be the reason someone burns sage.

Trending via LinkedIn:

Kiss me like you’re trying to damn my soul and save it in the same breath.

Seen just now on X:

If I ever experience an earthquake, my first thought will probably be it’s Godzilla.

Therapy isn’t enough. I need to be electrocuted and get my memory erased.

2 months ago

0

Therapy isn’t enough. I need to be electrocuted and get my memory erased.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Sounds like someone is looking for a shocking solution to their problems! ⚡️😂 Maybe they've been binging too many sci-fi movies where memory wipes are the ultimate quick fix! 🎬💥 Just don't go sticking your finger in the electric socket, okay? It's not the zap you're looking for! 😉🔌

electrocution, enough, health, humor, i, joke, memory, mental, mental health, need, therapy

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

The gossip in my town is faster than the Wi-Fi.

0

2 months ago

communication, faster, gossip, humor, speed, technology, town, Wi-Fi, wifi
All the world’s a stage, and I always forget my line.

0

6 months ago

acting, always, forget, humor, i, line, performance, stage, world
I was born a boy, but according to the packaging, I identify as a family of four.

0

2 months ago

born, boy, family, humor, i, identify, identity, packaging
If ads were a person, it would be that one neighbor who won’t stop talking to you at the most inconvenient of times.

0

2 months ago

ads, annoyance, communication, humor, inconvenient, neighbor, person, personification, stop, talking, times
Nothing bad can happen while you’re under a blanket. Just remember that.

0

1 month ago

bad, blanket, comfort, cozy, happen, humor, just, nothing, protection, remember, safety, under, while
Adult friendships are difficult. The people I get on best with never want to leave the house either.

0

2 months ago

adult, adult friendship, best, best friend, difficult, friend, friendship, get on, homebody, house, i, leave, never, people, socializing, want

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

27 shares on Discord this month:

Honestly, will never top the year I told everyone I was going to be Amelia Earhart for Halloween, and then didn’t show up to the party.

82 shares on Instagram this month:

Googling symptoms until you cry.

59 shares on X this month:

Am I the only person who would rather almost fall over carrying the shopping than walk a second time?

85 shares on WeChat this month:

Only difference between me and someone in a psych ward is I’m outside.

26 shares on Twitch this month:

Girls know how to flirt until it’s with someone they actually like.

18 shares on YouTube this month:

Any tips on being smart? For someone just getting into thinking.

58 shares on Messenger this month:

We argue about where to go for dinner for so long, it eventually becomes an argument on where to go for breakfast.

90 shares on Pinterest this month:

I hate when my kids ask me impossible questions like: What day is it?

89 shares on Telegram this month:

My superpower is giving you the middle finger using my eyes only.

78 shares on TikTok this month:

Not to brag, but I’ve seen Barbie naked.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Not to brag, but I skipped my mid-life crisis and went straight to cranky old man.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m that person who will restart a song because I got distracted and wasn’t appreciating it enough.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

He’s making a list, he’s checking it twice, he’s leaving the store, he still forgot milk.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Do you laugh at your own jokes, or are you emotionally stable?

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Weed smokers be like, “Hold up — before we go to the store, I have to get scared.”

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Oops, I think I’ve had a little too much to think.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Men become instantly more attractive when they wear aviators; it’s science.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Am I just getting old or are people getting more annoying?

22 folks are currently checking 👀

If you inject Botox into a raisin, does it turn back into a grape?

16 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t care if I’m standing in the window, if I said I ain’t home, I ain’t home.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,545

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇳 has downloaded:

It’s cool that women want me, but it makes me sad that fish fear me.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has downloaded:

It’s truly insane when bosses assume their employees are working for any reason other than a paycheck.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has copied:

If parallel universe exist, I hope the other me is doing well.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has downloaded:

Why’s it always “NYC smells like pee” and never “my pee smells like the greatest city in the world”?

Someone from 🇱🇻 has shared:

You now have the chance to be the first person to send me nudes.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has bookmarked:

Why is it called “free time” when I use it to spend all my money?

Someone from 🇲🇳 has bookmarked:

A dating app that matches people by the conspiracy theories they are interested in.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has viewed:

Just saw a bird run across the street if you were wondering if anyone else is wasting their gifts.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has viewed:

My favorite yoga pose is the one where you eat a sandwich.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has shared:

The only function of a middle name is so a child can assess how much danger they’re in.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Threads:

God, is there anything worse than when someone wants to show you a video?

Broadcasted on Telegram:

Every room is a panic room if someone farts.

Going viral on Slack:

I don’t like how monkeys have taken ownership of the whole banana thing. I bet I like bananas almost as much as they do.

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

My sleeping cycle is completely backwards. In the morning I feel sleepy and at night I can’t fall asleep.

Spotted on Telegram:

I’m going to break into your house and steal that thing with the little wheels on it under the plate in your microwave.

Live now on Snapchat:

A real smart TV would increase the volume when you started eating chips.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

Don’t even get into my car if you’re just gonna scream every time I hit something.

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

“You don’t look 40.” How am I supposed to look?

Live now on Slack:

It’s funny how cats have ears on top of their head, but don’t use them.

Freshly posted on Slack:

Amazon cart: Order now and it will arrive today. Amazon confirmation email: LOL, just kidding, it’ll be a week from tomorrow.

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