Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇻🇳 has bookmarked:

Whitening my teeth by getting a tan.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has shared:

“Are you okay?” No, it’s literally Monday every 15 minutes.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has downloaded:

And is your “sparkling personality” in the room with us now?

Someone from 🇨🇿 has copied:

If you keep your AC any higher than 75, please don’t invite me to your terrarium, you lizard.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has bookmarked:

Jan 1st: Avocado on whole grain toast with a protein shake. Jan 20th: Syrup comes from a tree so technically it’s a vegetable.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has copied:

I drive like I’m immortal.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has viewed:

50 is the new 30. Because it takes 50 bucks to buy what 30 used to.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has bookmarked:

Twitter is evidence that insane people can be extremely entertaining from a safe distance.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has downloaded:

Of course, because I’m wearing a white shirt, my coffee chose violence.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has shared:

Lord of the Rings is a story about a brave little Hobbit on a mission to destroy a ring and save the world, and his annoying friend Frodo.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

218 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,487

Funny Quotes Topics

17,559

Funny Quotes Images

15,487

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,642

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Threads:

Drinking 3L of water daily helps you avoid other people’s drama because you’re too busy peeing. Stay hydrated.

Making waves on Reddit:

I have a lot to offer! Most of it’s bad, but it’s still a lot.

Breaking via WeChat:

I think they’ve made more Kung-Fu Panda movies in the last 20 years than they’ve made actual pandas.

Just landed via Instagram:

It’s so hot to me when a man has a poorly run Instagram account.

Shared recently on Discord:

I didn’t buy that thing I wanted but didn’t need, so I celebrated by buying a different thing I wanted but didn’t need.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

Light is faster than sound. That’s why people seem so bright until you hear them talk.

Live now on Facebook:

I don’t understand people who forget to eat. I’m already planning lunch while chewing breakfast.

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

Sometimes I just want a man to talk to me in the same voice he uses to talk to his dog.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Who’s going to run in movies when Tom Cruise retires?

Live now on Snapchat:

Everyone has that one friend they’ve known for years and still have no idea what they actually do for a living, but it’s too late to ask.

There is no physiological reason to yell when you sneeze. People who do that are simply weak and rude.

5 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Can't tell if it's allergy season or if someone's testing their lung capacity! 🤧💨😆

humor, people, physiology, reason, rude, rudeness, simply, sneeze, weakness, yell

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

How about hold me as tight as you’re holding onto that grudge?

0

2 months ago

affection, feelings, grudge, hold, holding, humor, irony, me, relationship, tight
I remember when I was broke… I’m still broke, that’s why I remember so well.

0

2 months ago

broke, financial, financial struggle, humor, i, joke, memory, money, remember, self-deprecating, self-deprecating humor, still, struggle, well, why
Do we barbecue with women or without salad?

0

2 months ago

activity, barbecue, cooking, fun, fun activity, humor, salad, women
Statistically speaking, people don’t object enough at weddings.

0

2 months ago

celebration, enough, event, humor, marriage, object, people, speaking, statistic, statistically, wedding
What’s a positive thought for beginners? I’ve been getting into optimism lately.

0

3 days ago

beginner, beginners, getting, humor, mindset, motivation, optimism, positive, positive thought, self-improvement, thought
The quality of clothing at retail stores today is quite literally the quality that Halloween costumes used to be.

0

3 weeks ago

clothing, comparison, costume, fashion, Halloween, Halloween costume, humor, literally, quality, retail, retail store, shopping, store, stores, today, used

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

55 shares on Instagram this month:

75% of being a divorce lawyer is just answering emails from clients saying, “No. No. No. You absolutely cannot do that, no.”

67 shares on Instagram this month:

It’s been so long since I had sex last, went jogging in flip flops just to remember the sound.

84 shares on Instagram this month:

I’m only here while I wait for that Nigerian prince to follow through on his end of the bargain.

34 shares on Slack this month:

A toddler in their “why” phase makes you realize how little you know.

49 shares on WeChat this month:

That was pointless, we could’ve just stayed strangers.

71 shares on Telegram this month:

The amount of inappropriate thoughts I have is a little concerning.

25 shares on Messenger this month:

My toxic trait is consistently cutting off the resealable part of the bag of frozen vegetables.

14 shares on Messenger this month:

My body is like my phone battery. Usually drained by 4pm.

45 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Would it kill the makers of avocados to put a different toy inside?

13 shares on X this month:

Hiring a mortician to do my makeup while I sleep.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇳 has copied:

I went from dancing with myself in the 80s to talking to myself now.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has downloaded:

Forget all this adulting stuff, let’s bring back Saturday morning cartoons.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has bookmarked:

90% of the ocean is unexplored, which means there could be a McDonald’s down there.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has shared:

Sometimes I tell myself I should stop drinking so much, but I’m not about to listen to a drunk who’s talking to himself.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has downloaded:

Incorrectly is the only word that, when spelled correctly, is still spelled incorrectly.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has viewed:

It’s actually quite simple: I don’t want to eat less, I just want to weigh less.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has copied:

People found guilty of not using punctuation deserve the longest sentence possible.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has bookmarked:

Googling phone numbers you don’t recognize instead of actually answering the phone.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has shared:

“I’m going to try underthinking about a situation, and see if that works.”

Someone from 🇲🇭 has copied:

Heard a recording of my own voice, and now I can never speak again.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Twitch:

Hangman is so great. No better way for a child to learn how to spell than by having to save a man from hanging to death.

Live now on Facebook:

Being gracefully insane is the secret to a happy life.

Seen just now on Instagram:

January 1st: anything is possible. January 2nd: but not today.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Everybody in the grocery store is my enemy, and I will not be elaborating.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Hey boy, are you my washing machine? Because neither of you know how long 10 minutes last.

Freshly posted on Slack:

I just need to lie down for a couple of years.

Breaking via Messenger:

I think nervous flatulence would be helpful if you were ever kidnapped.

Shared recently on WeChat:

Sometimes I can’t believe people have had the honor of experiencing my love and chose to hurt me instead.

Seen just now on Facebook:

Of course, because I’m wearing a white shirt, my coffee chose violence.

Trending via Telegram:

Being famous on social media is like being rich in Monopoly. It’s not real, so calm down.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

There is no physiological reason to yell when you sneeze. People who do that are simply weak and rude.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

How about hold me as tight as you’re holding onto that grudge?

I remember when I was broke… I’m still broke, that’s why I remember so well.

Do we barbecue with women or without salad?

Statistically speaking, people don’t object enough at weddings.

What’s a positive thought for beginners? I’ve been getting into optimism lately.

The quality of clothing at retail stores today is quite literally the quality that Halloween costumes used to be.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨