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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇦 has downloaded:

If I sing “Hello” and you think of “Lionel Richie” and not “Adele,” then you can probably predict the weather with one of your knees.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has viewed:

Having a crush on a girl makes you think things like, yes, let me make more money.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has downloaded:

School reunion is a scam… nobody is missing anyone, they just want to know whether you have made it in life or not.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has bookmarked:

I bought a little notebook to keep track of who’s above the law.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has bookmarked:

I love all the Winter Olympic events, sliding downhill on a piece of wood, sliding downhill on two pieces of wood, sliding downhill in a piece of wood. All amazing.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has bookmarked:

When I was a child, my social network was called ‘outside’.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has shared:

This time last night, there was a spider so big in my bathroom it put me under a glass on a postcard and carried me out.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has copied:

That uncle who kept his distance from the rest of the family will start making more sense to you as you get older.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has copied:

I talk a lot of shit for someone who turns every black shirt into an abstract deodorant mural.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has bookmarked:

My kid asked me if I’ve ever experienced hallucinations, which is an odd thing to ask considering I don’t have any kids.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

531 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,124

Funny Quotes Topics

17,272

Funny Quotes Images

15,124

Dec 27, 2025

4,046

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Reddit:

Your pronouns should be get/help.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

If we were both crows, I’d bring you shiny things.

Breaking via Snapchat:

We are talking about how beautiful and cool you are behind your back.

Just shared via Snapchat:

I don’t think astronauts should be allowed to come back. You made your choice.

Making waves on Pinterest:

Catching me in person is rare. I move like a ghost.

Broadcasted on Reddit:

When my husband says, “Let me ask my wife,” he’s just using me as an excuse to get out of whatever you’re asking him to do.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

I noticed my mouse problem is back an I yelled at my cats for being lazy and not doing their job, like I was in a Tom and Jerry cartoon.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

It’s not even a crush. it’s just unsupervised hope.

Just shared via Slack:

I used an air fryer for the first time tonight, and I feel like I just discovered fire.

Going bananas on Snapchat:

My ducks are not even remotely in a row. My ducks are in places no duck has ever gone before.

There’s a rhyming Italian expression for saying “take it or leave it” that goes “o mangi questa minestra o salti dalla finestra”. It means “either eat this soup or throw yourself out the window”.

2 months ago

0

There’s a rhyming Italian expression for saying “take it or leave it” that goes “o mangi questa minestra o salti dalla finestra”. It means “either eat this soup or throw yourself out the window”.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Well, talk about drastic dinner decisions! 🍲😱 Italian expressions sure know how to keep meals interesting – nothing like a soup ultimatum to add some spice to your dining experience! Bon appétit or fly high, your choice! 🪂😄

eat, expression, food, humor, italian, language, leave, means, rhyme, saying, soup, take, take it or leave it, throw, window, yourself

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Did you ever stop to ask how Mercury feels about being in retrograde? No, because you only think about yourself.

0

2 months ago

ask, astrology, being, ever, feelings, humor, Mercury, only, perspective, reflection, retrograde, self-centered, stop, think, yourself
I do block people right away; you’re not going to stress me out on my own phone, with my own internet, and in my own house.

0

2 months ago

away, block, boundary, going, house, humor, i, internet, me, own, people, phone, right, self-care, stress
Do you think protein wants to be in all these things?

0

4 months ago

food, humor, nutrition, protein, question, science, things, think, wants
Am I just an Untitled Document to you?

0

2 months ago

am, computer, document, humor, i, identity, joke, just, question, tech, tech joke, untitled, Untitled Document
Not now darling, mummy’s influencing on the www.

0

2 months ago

distraction, humor, influencing, internet, mummy, not now, www
I may not understand women, but cheeseburgers have never sent me mixed signals, and for that they’ll always have my heart.

0

2 months ago

always, cheeseburger, food, heart, humor, i, love, me, mixed, mixed signals, relationship, signals, understand, women

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Social Media Stars ⭐

56 shares on Reddit this month:

Someone has left me a voicemail. I don’t know what to do. Open the phone app? The contacts? Do I turn on the TV?

80 shares on Snapchat this month:

Relationship status: I love my bed.

71 shares on WeChat this month:

Never get in between a girl and her fries. It’s just common sense really.

34 shares on Instagram this month:

Flour company: What if we sell it in a paper bag that’s not fully sealed at the bottom?

38 shares on WhatsApp this month:

The thumbs up emoji is a nice way to tell someone not only did you receive their message, you’re also done with the conversation.

43 shares on Telegram this month:

Men: Masters of multitasking – can watch sports, ignore laundry, and forget your birthday, all at once.

74 shares on Twitch this month:

Turning in bad essays to professors you have a personal relationship with is the most humiliating thing ever.

96 shares on Telegram this month:

You ever get road rage while walking behind someone moving slowly at the grocery store?

79 shares on Threads this month:

Every group chat has that one person who never replies, and it’s me.

39 shares on X this month:

I’ve had two glasses of wine and responded with “Omgggg congrats, sweet girl” on an engagement post of someone I haven’t spoken to in 5 years.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

19 folks are currently checking 👀

I hate it when what’s wrong asks me what’s wrong.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m about to start telling people, “As long as that makes sense to you,” when they say shit that doesn’t make sense to me.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

I composed this post in a way that only the sexy can read it, so congratulations.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Having sex with the same person gets freakier and nastier each time.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

I love to see “pan-fried” on a menu. I hate food that’s fried in a shoe.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

I love dogs with human names because you get to say things like Bob pooped on the rug again.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

If you burned CDs for the car so your original copies wouldn’t get scratched, it’s time to schedule your colonoscopy.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Of course I have critical thinking skills, I’m thinking critically of you right now.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Sane is boring.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m not saving daylight. I’m the one that needs saving.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

531 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,124

Funny Quotes Topics

17,272

Funny Quotes Images

15,124

Updated

Dec 27, 2025

Users Online

3,709

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇭 has viewed:

If I ever had to fight a bear, I hope it’s a gummy bear.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has downloaded:

He likes when I shakalaka, so, woop, there it is.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has shared:

Drinking coffee because throwing chairs at people is frowned upon.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has viewed:

Guys with grey in their beards will do that thing you like.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has shared:

German couples probably have less arguments because there’s an exact word for, “I’m fine, just annoyed you forgot the milk again”.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has bookmarked:

Be warned: I’m bored. This could get dangerous.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has copied:

I could be staring at my hand locking my front door, and I still won’t feel 100% sure my front door was locked.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has viewed:

It turns out when someone asks who your favorite child is, you’re supposed to choose from your own. I know that now.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has bookmarked:

My rock bottom keeps refreshing.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has viewed:

If you don’t believe aliens walk amongst us, who else could write such unnatural dialogue in pharmaceutical commercials?

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Reddit:

I’m not humiliating myself here for 3 likes. 10 maybe but not 3.

Going viral on Snapchat:

Please stop calling 911 when you see me dancing. I’m fine!

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

Girls know how to flirt until it’s with someone they actually like.

Shared recently on Telegram:

Zombies only eat brains, so you are safe.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

I hate being responsible for my own meals because I’ll either spoil myself or starve for most of the day.

Just shared via Threads:

How many of y’all are “burn a CD” and “lime wire” old?

Making waves on X:

Maybe the reason you haven’t found your soulmate is because you don’t have a soul.

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

iPad PR is so crazy because you think you absolutely need one until you get it.

Shared recently on X:

Sorry I can’t have a pleasant, safe and affordable life, my government said no.

Live now on Pinterest:

I smile at all animals, just not the human ones.

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