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Commentary:
"Looks like someone is feeling a bit short-changed on their mid-life crisis opportunities! 🙈 Time to start planning for that extended edition crisis package! 🎉🚗💥 #MidLifeCrisisGoals"

aging, crisis, existential, existential humor, expectancy, humor, i, life, life expectancy, mid-life, mid-life crisis, need, time

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

“I’m not short. I’m just more down to earth than most people.”

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3 months ago

confidence, down to earth, Earth, height, humor, just, most, people, personality, short
My Native American name would be Smokes Cigarettes.

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2 months ago

American, cigarette, cigarettes, culture, humor, identity, name, native, Native American, smoke
I’m going spiraling, do you need anything?

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2 months ago

anything, casual, casual inquiry, funny situation, going, humor, inquiry, need, situation, spiraling
Avoid calls from pesky bill collectors by not paying your phone bill.

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2 months ago

advice, avoid, avoid calls, bill, bill collector, calls, collector, funny advice, humor, phone, phone bill
But if i put my laundry away, the laundry chair will be out of a job.

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2 months ago

away, chair, clean, clean clothes, clothes, household, humor, i, job, laundry, procrastination, put, satire
Apologize for the job that you do. It would be nice if you were talented too.

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2 months ago

apologize, apology, comedy, critique, humor, job, nice, sarcasm, talent, too, workplace

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

52 shares on Messenger this month:

All my small talk is done with a car horn.

85 shares on Threads this month:

This is my emotional support online shopping cart.

76 shares on Telegram this month:

What’s a girl gotta do to feel a dopamine high around here?

86 shares on X this month:

If I’d married a wealthier man, I’d be lying on a fancier couch right now refusing to clean bigger rooms.

80 shares on Discord this month:

The Airbnb reviews never tell you how comfortable the toilets are for falling asleep on.

77 shares on YouTube this month:

“I’m just playing devil’s advocate here.” Ok, why are you helping the devil?

83 shares on YouTube this month:

A dating app that matches people by the conspiracy theories they are interested in.

51 shares on Threads this month:

To all of you who have never tried blindfold archery: You don’t know what you’re missing!

60 shares on Twitch this month:

My only knowledge of animals is that turtles like pizza and cats like lasagna.

67 shares on Twitch this month:

Is 27 a good age to leave everything you know and love, and start over?

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇽 has copied:

I don’t want to be dramatic, but the work week continuously restarting is literally ruining my life.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has downloaded:

Jewelry stores should just be like: Whether you’re trying to be nice or trying to get laid, we got you covered.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has downloaded:

Boyfriends come and go… reply guys stay forever. Against your will, even.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has copied:

The next time someone texts me “we need to talk,” I’ll reply, “Yes, we really need to talk,” so that I won’t be the only one stressing.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has copied:

Bro, did you really just mix up e.g. and i.e. in front of the hoes?

Someone from 🇭🇹 has bookmarked:

Bro, you’re not allowed anymore to have your tongue drop out of your mouth and form a stair case when you see my wife.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has bookmarked:

And for my next trick, I will appear to know what I’m doing.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has shared:

Money can’t buy happiness, until you’re on vacation and then you realize it definitely can.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has downloaded:

Sorry I didn’t respond to your message, I got stuck in a cloud while skydiving and lived for 72 days by drinking rain and eating birds that flew too close.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has shared:

There is no bigger lie than “fun for the whole family”.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Snapchat:

The only thing I don’t miss about the 90s is people smelling like cigarettes.

Just shared via Snapchat:

We should start referring to age as “levels.” So when you’re level 80, it sounds a lot cooler than just being an older person.

Live now on Pinterest:

The nice thing about wintertime is that it’s darker for longer, so you see a lot less people.

Trending via Messenger:

That one person who has zero concept of what an indoor voice is.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Just as “magic spells” use special rhymes and archaic terms to signal their power, the convoluted language of legalese acts to convey a sense of authority.

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

We are talking about how beautiful and cool you are behind your back.

Freshly posted on Discord:

If you accuse me of yelling, you will start to hear yelling so you can note the difference in the future.

Seen just now on Instagram:

When women get to a certain weight, you’ll notice they change their social media profile pictures to flowers, cats, or dogs.

Trending via Pinterest:

“Who does she think she is?” Well, it appears she is someone living her life unconcerned with who you think she is.

Shared recently on Facebook:

Me: This is my favorite. I would like to buy this exact same item of clothing again. The fashion industry: No.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

They need to increase life expectancy so I can squeeze in another mid-life crisis.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

“I’m not short. I’m just more down to earth than most people.”

My Native American name would be Smokes Cigarettes.

I’m going spiraling, do you need anything?

Avoid calls from pesky bill collectors by not paying your phone bill.

But if i put my laundry away, the laundry chair will be out of a job.

Apologize for the job that you do. It would be nice if you were talented too.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨