Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇮 has viewed:

Dear brain, please finally learn the difference between hunger and boredom. I’m getting fat.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has shared:

Get a Ring camera so you can yell at your kids when they’re out front and freak them out.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has shared:

I disagree with my politics.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has shared:

There’s something fundamentally wrong with the way people interact with each other on LinkedIn.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has viewed:

I cannot hear a word you are saying if your hoodie strings are uneven.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has copied:

I’m an adult, but not the ‘makes positive life choices’ kind.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has viewed:

My phone and it’s charger are in a situationship and sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has bookmarked:

How great is it to do absolutely nothing and follow it up by taking a rest.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has shared:

Bag of flesh that acts weird when another bag of flesh doesn’t send symbols on glowing screen.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has copied:

At least 80% of my day is spent holding back my inappropriate thoughts.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

55 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,324

Funny Quotes Topics

17,443

Funny Quotes Images

15,324

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,678

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Slack:

No more relationships for me, the last one was an embarrassment to my gangsta.

Freshly posted on Discord:

God created childbirth so women could know how men feel when we have a cold.

Going bananas on Telegram:

Before you call me an idiot consider this: I know!

Freshly posted on TikTok:

You’re a “haha” girl, and I’m an “lol” guy. It just wouldn’t work.

Seen just now on WeChat:

How did we decide to go with cockpit?

Just shared via WhatsApp:

I downloaded a meditation app. Now I’m stressed about missing sessions.

Seen just now on Slack:

Yeah, I’ll get up soon, I just need to look at the internet first. Yes, the whole thing.

Spotted on Reddit:

I don’t get involved in anyone’s business, let alone their drama. You should try it.

Trending via Pinterest:

In America we have marijuana. In France they have oui’d.

Going bananas on WeChat:

Good things take time, that’s why I’m always late.

Totally forgot my demands now that I’ve strapped this ticking bomb to my chest.

3 hours ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Guess I'm the bomb at forgetting things! 💣😅

anxiety, bomb, chest, demand, forgot, humor, panic, strapped, stress, ticking, ticking bomb

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

My husband accidentally locked himself out of the house, and I didn’t hear him knocking until I finished eating the rest of his cheesecake. So weird.

0

2 months ago

accident, accidentally, cheesecake, dessert, eating, finished, funny situation, hear, house, humor, husband, i, knocking, locked, locked out, marriage, marriage humor, rest, situation, weird
Your honor, I was under the impression it was hammer time.

0

5 months ago

courtroom, culture, dance, defense, hammer, honor, humor, i, impression, joke, legal, misunderstanding, pop, pop culture, time, under
Church should be less preachy and more eat-y.

0

2 months ago

church, eat, food, humor, joke, less, preachy, religion, satire, should
Don’t even get into my car if you’re just gonna scream every time I hit something.

0

2 months ago

car, driving, even, every, hit, humor, i, just, passenger, reaction, scream, something, time
Can’t be sexting when you’re somewhat articulate. You just sound like a vampire.

0

2 months ago

articulate, communication, humor, just, sexting, sound, texting, vampire
I’m really looking forward to another exciting year staring at my phone.

0

2 months ago

another, anticipation, exciting, exciting year, forward, humor, life, looking, modern, modern life, phone, staring, technology, year

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

91 shares on Threads this month:

Hate when I have to be mean. Why would you push a sweet girl this far?

25 shares on Threads this month:

Wearing white pants today, so it’s really just a matter of time before I spill something on myself.

69 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Karma not moving fast enough for me. I would hate to handle it myself, Lord.

10 shares on Twitch this month:

Relationship tip: Make sure you’re the crazy one.

66 shares on Reddit this month:

British people be like “I’m Bri ish” cause they drank the “T”

13 shares on Twitch this month:

Why the hell did they name them ‘Soldier ants’ and not ‘Combatants’?

86 shares on Slack this month:

Why do they call it a garage sale instead of a garbage sale?

51 shares on Threads this month:

When you’re feeling down, just turn up the music a little louder.

49 shares on Threads this month:

Waitress: “Do you have any questions about the menu?” Me: “What kind of font is this?

40 shares on WeChat this month:

Old Spice doesn’t sound like something you wanna smell.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇲 has bookmarked:

Dating someone from Twitter is like believing a stripper loves you.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has bookmarked:

Any room can be a panic room if you just give me a few minutes.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has viewed:

My ex thinks I’m with someone else, someone else thinks I’m with my ex, everyone wonders where I am. Here I am. Just enjoying my own life.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has viewed:

Apple want $3,500 for their Vision Pro. No thanks. I can look like a dork for free.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has copied:

I think it’s sad that getting married is one of the only ways to guarantee somebody will be forced to make a speech about how great you are.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has downloaded:

My train of thought derailed. There were no survivors.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has bookmarked:

Today I couldn’t find a parking space at work, so I drove back home. Looks like they have enough people there.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has bookmarked:

My credit score is a family of raccoons hissing over a McRib.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has copied:

Rule number 1 at a concert: Don’t sing while filming!

Someone from 🇨🇬 has shared:

Unlike the brain, the stomach alerts you when it’s empty.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Threads:

Haircuts should be covered by insurance.

Making waves on TikTok:

There should be a calorie refund for food that didn’t taste as good as you expected.

Shared recently on Twitch:

Not to be a nerd, but a well-placed semicolon is hot as hell.

Spotted on Pinterest:

Let the example of my fluke success guide nearly all of you to crushing disappointment.

Just landed via Slack:

What if all the ancient Greek sculptures are actually victims of Medusa?

Just shared via Facebook:

Yesterday I went to a fight and a baseball game broke out.

Trending via Snapchat:

I’m broke — I got money, but it’s for responsibilities.

Just landed via Reddit:

That’s me in the corner, that’s me using Microsoft Word, losing my revision.

Seen just now on Instagram:

Every time you rub your eyes, they should change color a little.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

We went on a family vacation and it was a terrible experience. It was all whining, complaining, and tantrums. And don’t get me started on what my kids did.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Totally forgot my demands now that I’ve strapped this ticking bomb to my chest.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

My husband accidentally locked himself out of the house, and I didn’t hear him knocking until I finished eating the rest of his cheesecake. So weird.

Your honor, I was under the impression it was hammer time.

Church should be less preachy and more eat-y.

Don’t even get into my car if you’re just gonna scream every time I hit something.

Can’t be sexting when you’re somewhat articulate. You just sound like a vampire.

I’m really looking forward to another exciting year staring at my phone.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨