Someone from 🇨🇦 has copied:

A fitness trainer showed me the proper way to inhale and exhale and then got pissed when I told her she had nice breaths.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has viewed:

Love is not pushing them down the stairs when you have the opportunity.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has bookmarked:

Receipts are like: Take this tiny piece of paper home with you and throw it away.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has viewed:

I be like, “Who’s praying on my downfall?” as if I don’t make self-destructive life decisions.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has downloaded:

Let the good times roll. Let the bad times crawl. Let the acceptable times do the hopscotch.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has copied:

If the line at the grocery store takes longer than 10 minutes, the candy beside the checkout should be free.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has bookmarked:

When you really want to slap someone, do it and say, “Mosquito!

Someone from 🇧🇾 has shared:

Hey man, just wanted to reach out and say I loved how much you drank at my wedding last night.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has downloaded:

Lord, please take this gas out of my stomach and put it in my car.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has downloaded:

All the best memories with my dad start with “Don’t tell your mom about this.”