Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇾 has viewed:

My doubters will become my grouters when I remodel the bathroom of success.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has viewed:

Waiting for the websites to start offering pizza instead of just cookies.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has viewed:

No, don’t worry about him, babe. That’s just my soulmate.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has viewed:

Imagine you’re on jury duty and the courtroom sketch artist draws stink lines above you.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has copied:

Our parents just don’t know how far we rode them bikes when we were younger.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has copied:

You couldn’t pay me to do this year again.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has bookmarked:

How would someone cancel an appointment at a sperm bank? Do you just call them and say you can’t come?

Someone from 🇬🇶 has shared:

Sometimes I delete a post because I remember I’m too old for it.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has viewed:

Finally my winter fat has gone. I now have spring rolls.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has copied:

Please don’t leave me to my own devices. They’re all out of batteries.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

240 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,509

Funny Quotes Topics

17,577

Funny Quotes Images

15,509

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,383

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Pinterest:

Please be nice to me. I’m in my twenties. Do you know what that does to a person?

Vaginally speaking, he seems nice.

3 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Sounds like first impressions can come from unexpected places! 😄🙈

dating, humor, nice, relationship, seems, speaking, vaginal

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Having a sore throat as a giraffe must really suck.

0

2 months ago

animal, giraffe, having, humor, neck, pain, sore, sore throat, suck, throat
“November Rain” is just 9 minutes of me realizing I’m too dramatic to date someone with healthy coping skills.

0

2 months ago

9, coping, coping skill, date, dramatic, emotional, healthy, humor, just, me, minutes, November, November Rain, rain, relationship, self-awareness, skill, skills, someone, too
The fake cough I use when calling in sick is now available on iTunes.

0

2 months ago

calling, cough, excuse, fake, fake cough, humor, i, iTunes, sick, work
Bank account nice and empty. Starting the new month on a clean slate.

0

2 months ago

account, bank, bank account, budgeting, clean, clean slate, empty, finance, humor, money, month, new, new month, nice, slate, starting
My attempts to purge my possessions always seem to result in me rediscovering that I have lots of nice things, after which I lie happily on my hoard like a dragon.

0

2 months ago

after, always, attempt, dragon, happiness, hoard, i, lie, me, nice, nice thing, possessions, purge, rediscover, thing, things
I don’t want to brag but I walked into a room and remembered why I walked in.

0

2 months ago

brag, forgetfulness, humor, i, joke, memory, room, self-deprecation, walking, want

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

85 shares on Discord this month:

Sometimes I’ll call in, disguise my voice, and insist on speaking to me, or I’ll take my business elsewhere.

87 shares on Twitch this month:

Politicians and diapers must be changed often, and for the same reason.

67 shares on WeChat this month:

My New Year’s resolution will be to stop chasing waterfalls, and stick to the rivers and the lakes that I’m used to.

57 shares on Discord this month:

When the blood pressure machine comes out for one person, the whole family has to get involved.

33 shares on WeChat this month:

Good morning to everyone who doesn’t get on my nerves.

75 shares on YouTube this month:

Don’t forget to tell yourself more lies today.

89 shares on Messenger this month:

Texting a man first feels like I’m on my hands and knees begging him to talk to me.

45 shares on Telegram this month:

Worst part of being in my 20’s is to be reminded that I’m actually in my mid-40’s.

90 shares on LinkedIn this month:

My dating era has come to an end. I’d like to thank those who participated.

15 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I wish berries were the size of apples. Just imagine for a second.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇶🇦 has copied:

Hardly a day goes by without me being reminded that an academic degree has nothing to do with intelligence.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has viewed:

Saving up ketchup packets in the fridge so I can one day open my own restaurant.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has downloaded:

Just because I’m awake doesn’t mean I’m ready to do things.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has viewed:

There’s nothing like sitting by an open fire and watching the evidence burn.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has viewed:

I slept like a baby, knowing I’m a burden to everyone around me.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has bookmarked:

Someone from 🇨🇺 has viewed:

I want to clarify that what I publish on social media does not define me as a person; I am worse.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has bookmarked:

It is very hard to set aside the time to do your taxes when you are really busy doing other things like eating a snack or looking around the room.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has bookmarked:

I’m glad I have boobs. The last thing I need is people making eye contact with me.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has viewed:

The oceans are rising because no one is drinking their recommended 8-12 glasses of water per day.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Snapchat:

I said it was my favorite show, I didn’t say it was good.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Every time someone tries to fight with me online, a middle finger gets its wings.

Going viral on Reddit:

Actually, men should take the pill. It makes more sense to unload the gun than to shoot at a bulletproof vest.

Spotted on Twitch:

You’ll be having a good day and then someone your age says they’re buying a house.

Just shared via Twitch:

Sometimes being alive feels like being a pornstar who is asexual.

Seen just now on Threads:

Bag of salad is the boxed wine of vegetables.

Spreading quickly via Discord:

Doctors diagnosed me as your future wife.

Going viral on WeChat:

Every time I stand up, my dog gets excited as hell. He understands that I’m a real man who can make shit happen at any given moment.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

My mom and all her opinions are visiting this weekend.

Just shared via Telegram:

Not to brag, but my date returned after using the restroom.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Vaginally speaking, he seems nice.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Having a sore throat as a giraffe must really suck.

“November Rain” is just 9 minutes of me realizing I’m too dramatic to date someone with healthy coping skills.

The fake cough I use when calling in sick is now available on iTunes.

Bank account nice and empty. Starting the new month on a clean slate.

My attempts to purge my possessions always seem to result in me rediscovering that I have lots of nice things, after which I lie happily on my hoard like a dragon.

I don’t want to brag but I walked into a room and remembered why I walked in.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨