Wordgag ツ

Commentary:
"Valentine's Day approaching! Quick, if you have a crush on me, there's still time to get cards and shave… well, at least the cards are easier to find! 😂💘 #LastMinuteLove"

cards, crush, dating, day, humor, love, me, romance, shave, still, time, valentine’s, Valentine’s Day, week

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I need someone to wring out my brain like a dishrag.

2 months ago

brain, dishrag, health, humor, i, mental, mental health, need, someone, thoughts, wring
Just walked by an empath and his head exploded.

2 months ago

empath, exploded, explosion, head, humor, just, reaction, walking
If you’re riding in my car, that little middle piece is for my elbow — not yours.

2 months ago

boundary, car, comfort, driving, elbow, humor, little, middle, passenger, personal, personal space, piece, riding, space, yours
By the time my CVS receipt finished printing, I was eligible for another prescription refill.

2 months ago

another, CVS, finished, humor, i, joke, pharmacy, prescription, receipt, refill, shopping, time, waiting
Who called it a deep freeze instead of ice-o-lation?

2 months ago

cold, deep, deep freeze, freeze, humor, ice-o-lation, winter, wordplay
Has anyone else noticed that it’s hard to do things when you don’t want to?

1 month ago

anyone, effort, else, hard, humor, motivation, noticed, observation, procrastination, reluctance, task, things, want

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

98 shares on TikTok this month:

Have you tried making guacamole about it?

35 shares on Slack this month:

Confuse your doctor by putting on rubber gloves while he does.

67 shares on Instagram this month:

Whoever has designed parking garages is either an architectural genius or an evil sadist.

79 shares on YouTube this month:

All these laws are really getting in the way of my driving.

99 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I ordered one of those Tempura mattresses. Way too crunchy.

71 shares on Facebook this month:

I’ve got midlife crises older than you.

23 shares on X this month:

I run every day for 30 minutes. If I miss a day, I add 30 minutes to the next day. This has truly been a game changer. Tomorrow I’m supposed to run for 3 weeks.

99 shares on Slack this month:

Tonight we shall read a passage from the old testicle.

66 shares on LinkedIn this month:

My favorite emails are the ones that say your order has shipped.

51 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I eat cake every day because somewhere out there it’s someone’s birthday and I like to celebrate.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇿 has shared:

A gentleman always straightens out the vending machine after shaking it.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has copied:

A real smartphone would cut you off.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has shared:

Are you spaghetti because I want you to meat my balls?

Someone from 🇲🇰 has copied:

What must a pancake think when it’s being flipped? Doubtless something jolly.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has downloaded:

One thing I miss about the pandemic is getting to rip my mask off like I just botched a surgery.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has copied:

Jewelry stores should just be like: Whether you’re trying to be nice or trying to get laid, we got you covered.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has copied:

I’m officially at the age where going out on the weekend just means I’m running errands.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has downloaded:

Someone needs to invent a kid that listens the first time.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has shared:

We decided to have money instead of children.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has shared:

This could have been an email. Me, while attending a wedding ceremony.

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Twitch:

You’re an adult. You can do what you want. Wait…You have kids? Never mind.

Just landed via WeChat:

Unfortunately, a great many problems in life can be solved by just being hotter.

Shared recently on YouTube:

Every app is a dating app if you are creepy enough.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

Whether you rip off a bandaid quickly or slowly, I find it’s best to ask the wearer’s permission first.

Spotted on Reddit:

Rudolph, with your nose so bright, help me find my phone tonight.

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

I can’t date until the curse is lifted.

Making waves on Slack:

You don’t use a semicolons correctly; you use a semicolon confidently.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

When I was young, I was afraid of the dark. Now, these bills got me afraid of the light.

Just landed via Twitch:

My default setting is sexual energy.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Normalize saying, “Just as the oracle foretold,” when things go your way.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Valentine’s Day this week. If you have a crush on me we still have time to get cards and shave.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

I need someone to wring out my brain like a dishrag.

Just walked by an empath and his head exploded.

If you’re riding in my car, that little middle piece is for my elbow — not yours.

By the time my CVS receipt finished printing, I was eligible for another prescription refill.

Who called it a deep freeze instead of ice-o-lation?

Has anyone else noticed that it’s hard to do things when you don’t want to?

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨