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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇫 has copied:

Got a botched circumcision, now my willy wonka.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has shared:

My boss just left which means I have finished all of my work for the day.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has copied:

Phone dry, no food in the house, I keep dying in my game. I’m such a loser.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has shared:

Every single bad day happened because I woke up.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has bookmarked:

Don’t worry, you’ll find the lost scissors when you’ll be searching for your glasses.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has downloaded:

You aren’t from the Midwest unless you can spin out in the snow, regain control and keep driving like nothing happened.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has copied:

“You don’t load the dishwasher right,” I said to my wife just before it permanently became my job.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has shared:

Alligators can live up to 100 years which is why there is an increased chance that they will see you later.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has downloaded:

Eating dark chocolate is practically eating vegetables.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has copied:

Are you the sun? Because you need to stay about 92,960,000 miles away from me.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

Users Online

3,691

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Slack:

I have consumed so much potato salad the last couple of days, I’m sweating mayo.

Shared recently on Telegram:

Not to brag or anything, but I can forget what I’m doing while I’m doing it.

Going bananas on Snapchat:

I always bring a glass of water to bed with me so I have something to knock over in the middle of the night.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

My southern family thinks my daily routine in NYC is that I wake up, try really hard not to get stabbed by a knife, and then I go see a musical.

Going bananas on Threads:

My neighbor won’t stop talking about his Rolex and I can’t believe someone stole it tomorrow.

Seen just now on Threads:

Maybe if we paid our streaming services even more, they could stop jacking up the volume on the commercials they make us watch, even though we are paying for the service.

Freshly posted on Threads:

It’s lowkey nothing else to do except become a better version of yourself, lol.

Going viral on Reddit:

Patience is something you admire in the driver behind you, but not in the one ahead.

Trending via Snapchat:

At the airport, and a wife asked her husband, “Where are our seats?” and he responds, “In the airplane.”

Just landed via Discord:

Name a better duo than sad and depressed.

Victor Frankenstein being only 23 years old when he made the monster is crazy to me, he should have been at the club.

Funny quote about Victor Frankenstein's youth and monster creation, playful and witty in tone.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Imagine the scene: 'Hey, Victor, wanna hit the lab or hit the club?' 🧟🎉 Maybe if he had spent more time on the dance floor, his monster would have had better moves! 💃🔬 #FrankensteinsGotTalent"

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Social Media Stars ⭐

56 shares on X this month:

I lied, there’s no sex. Can you tell me a bedtime story?

65 shares on TikTok this month:

Moving houses/apartments gotta be top 3 worst human experiences.

56 shares on Slack this month:

I’m so good at missing early morning meetings, I can do it with my eyes closed.

91 shares on YouTube this month:

The good old days, when you didn’t have to charge your watch and it didn’t constantly remind you how fat you were.

45 shares on TikTok this month:

December. The month at work where everything is January’s problem.

42 shares on Facebook this month:

We need a word for that weird feeling you get when you learn what a podcaster looks like.

80 shares on WeChat this month:

Watching a movie on the plane? No thanks. Watching my seatmate’s movie with no audio and not understanding what’s going on for over an hour? Yassss.

20 shares on Threads this month:

Stop blaming everyone for all of your problems. Pick one person you hate, and blame them for everything.

14 shares on Threads this month:

“I’m in a really good place right now, not mentally. I’m just indoors with air conditioning.”

75 shares on YouTube this month:

How does world hunger exist when we can fry air?

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

6 folks are currently checking 👀

The worst person you know is in therapy right now, being told they need to put themselves first.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Oh, I have Christmas spirit. The question is: Do I mix it with coke or do I drink it neat?

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Liking someone romantically is actually just a humiliation ritual.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m at the age where the first thing I do when I get somewhere is look for a place to sit.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

If swimming is such good exercise, explain whales.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

I hate that Al has now caused me to question the authenticity of cute animal videos online. I don’t even know if this baby penguin actually wore a beret to go buy a tiny baguette in Paris.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

That moment when you finish watching a TV series and you don’t know what to do with your life any more.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Nothing more humbling than being at a karaoke birthday party with a bunch of singers.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Just because talking is for you doesn’t mean that starting a podcast is.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s strange being the same age as old people.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

Users Online

3,306

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇷 has downloaded:

Mercury retrograde: because adulting is hard, and sometimes you just need a celestial excuse.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has shared:

Puberty was a hair-raising experience.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has shared:

Restaurants: put your phone down, live in the moment. Also, scan our QR code and browse our menu.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has downloaded:

Surround yourself with people who google the menu of the restaurant beforehand.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has viewed:

So cool that avocados come with those little wooden balls inside, I think I have collected the whole set.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has copied:

Before Google, if you didn’t know something you had to go ask someone and most of the time they couldn’t help you, and now that’s also how Google works.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has downloaded:

My boss denied me a raise before my shift today. What’s some music you have never wanted to hear in a coffee shop?

Someone from 🇺🇦 has downloaded:

If you put a pizza on top of a pizza, you have two pizzas. But if you stack two lasagnas, then you still have one lasagna.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has bookmarked:

I don’t think I’d get married again, but I would like to annoy someone until one of us is dead.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has viewed:

I don’t want to adult today, I just want to dog. I’ll be lying down on the floor in the sun, you can pet me and bring me some snacks.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on X:

I love spending my parents’ money, they must pay for bringing me into this world.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

“You never text back.” No, I be reading texts from the notification bar, then forget to text back.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Being able to tolerate the sound of your own voice in a video is probably the highest form of self-acceptance.

Shared recently on Reddit:

Hate when anxiety gives me stomach problems. Like, baby, you are supposed to be a mental disorder, please stay in your line.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

Why aren’t we using these t-shirt cannons for burritos?

Spotted on YouTube:

Not sure how to flirt, but I can make things awkward if you’re into that.

Shared recently on Messenger:

ADHD is: being pretty good at basically anything you want to be, and absolutely terrible at anything you need to do to live.

Going viral on Instagram:

At therapy, saying “Don’t worry about it” to every question.

Spotted on YouTube:

We all just kind of accept it as normal that we have a meat tentacle living inside of our mouth.

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

If you tell lies about me, I’ll tell the truth about you.

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