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Commentary:
"Looks like New Year's resolutions are already testing the bonds of marriage! 🙈💍 Who knew being independent could be so risky? 😂 #MarriageStruggles"

approval, decision, decisions, humor, independent, independent decision, making, new, new year, resolution, waiting, wife, year

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I just want peace, not a notification every time someone breathes.

1 month ago
breath, detox, digital, digital detox, every, health, i, just, media, mental, mental health, mind, notification, notification overload, overload, peace, peace of mind, privacy, social, social media, someone, time, want
I talk to my dog like she’s human and, like most humans, she looks at me like I’m an idiot.

1 month ago
communication, dog, human, humans, humor, i, idiot, looks, me, pet, relationship, talk
The secret to being a private person is to overshare dumb shit so people think you are an open book but then not tell them any of the important details of your life.

1 month ago
being, book, details, dumb, dumb shit, humor, important, important details, life, open, open book, overshare, people, person, private, private person, secret, shit, tell, think
Some people get weird as they get older. Not me, though. I’ve always been weird.

1 month ago
age, always, humor, me, older, people, personality, weird
“Hope you’re enjoying the sunshine!” No, I’m at a desk reading your email.

1 month ago
desk, email, enjoying, hope, humor, irony, reading, sarcasm, sunshine, work
When I get the vibe from someone that fitting in is super important to them my first instinct is to bite them.

1 month ago
bite, fitting, fitting in, humor, i, important, individuality, instinct, interaction, social, social interaction, someone, super, vibe

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Someone from 🇬🇦 has copied:

I don’t have a yoga mat, but I have a Twister mat, and it’s the same thing.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has copied:

Is it stupid and irresponsible? Yes. Will it make me happy? Also yes.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has bookmarked:

Welcome to Twitter, where everyone is an expert on everything.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has viewed:

Shout-out to my embarrassingly squeaky ass bed frame that makes me sound more popular than I actually am to my neighbors.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has copied:

Anyone still shut off lights when leaving a room because their parents used to say, “Don’t waste electricity!”

Someone from 🇵🇾 has shared:

Please have a seat and witness my self-destruction firsthand.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has shared:

They should let you spend one night in a house before you buy/rent it, just to make sure it’s haunted.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Snapchat:

Are you there, bathroom walls, ceiling, floor, mirror, sink, and towels? It’s me, the kids toothpaste.

Just landed via X:

I’m only here while I wait for that Nigerian prince to follow through on his end of the bargain.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Replying to all emails with “ya think?”.

Live now on TikTok:

There is certainly no life on other planets. Otherwise our government would have sent money there long ago.

Just landed via TikTok:

Great minds think alike, but so do stupid ones.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

The real flex is how many wounds you can turn into wisdom.

Live now on Telegram:

Nowadays you don’t even have to go to the zoo. A trip to the mall is enough.

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Activity Log ✨

Waiting for my wife to approve my new year’s resolution of making independent decisions.

I talk to my dog like she’s human and, like most humans, she looks at me like I’m an idiot.

The secret to being a private person is to overshare dumb shit so people think you are an open book but then not tell them any of the important details of your life.

Some people get weird as they get older. Not me, though. I’ve always been weird.

“Hope you’re enjoying the sunshine!” No, I’m at a desk reading your email.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

She was rare. Like a meth head with good teeth.

I don’t want to sound controversial, but having Monday off is great. We should do this every week.

Awesome that January is over, but rude that our reward for getting through it is February.

Imagine if all the money spent on AI was spent on trains.

Everybody looks like a criminal on the self-checkout camera.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Being a toddler’s favorite person is what real love actually looks like.

Staring at the sky for answers, nothing new.

Imagine working at Pornhub. At like the corporate office as a developer or whatever. White collar. That’s gotta be a weird job. Working there has gotta be bloody weird.

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Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

My first rodeo and my last rodeo were the same rodeo.

Me, when someone’s obsessed with me: Yikes! Me, when someone’s not obsessed with me: WTF?

Forget tequila, I’m at the age where you can wake up with a hangover from Netflix.

Forgetting to put jewelry and perfume on is literally the worst feeling.

Your twenties are for working towards a life you later won’t want.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

I’m at the age where a house arrest no longer sounds like the worst thing.

Any time I throw up, I stare at it like I’m getting a message from the past.

If I were God, I’d tell everyone that I created the animals and that I don’t know what happened after that.

I like to think of myself as an onion. Peel back the many layers and deep down inside you’ll find a smaller, more anxious onion.

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Waiting for my wife to approve my new year’s resolution of making independent decisions.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

I just want peace, not a notification every time someone breathes.

I talk to my dog like she’s human and, like most humans, she looks at me like I’m an idiot.

The secret to being a private person is to overshare dumb shit so people think you are an open book but then not tell them any of the important details of your life.

Some people get weird as they get older. Not me, though. I’ve always been weird.

“Hope you’re enjoying the sunshine!” No, I’m at a desk reading your email.

When I get the vibe from someone that fitting in is super important to them my first instinct is to bite them.

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