Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇪 has downloaded:

I’m planning to eat the rich, but can I sub out fries for a salad?

Someone from 🇲🇻 has viewed:

Tequila won’t fix your life, but it’s worth a shot.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has bookmarked:

Nobody sighs louder than an unemployed, debt-free dog who spends at least 16 hours a day sleeping.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has bookmarked:

The spelling of “bourgeoisie” was intended as yet another means of oppression.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has viewed:

Sometimes after sex, I wonder what it would be like to have sex as a couple.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has downloaded:

Unloading the dishwasher in the opposite direction just to feel something.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has viewed:

Outlook just asked me if I’m “enjoying” Microsoft Outlook. As if it’s not the Torment Portal.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has downloaded:

It sucks when you realize it’s only Thursday, until you realize it’s Wednesday.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has bookmarked:

The reason I stay up late is because I don’t want my free time to end, and tomorrow to start.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has shared:

Thought getting captured by cannibals would be terrifying, but they’re actually feeding me really well.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

676 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,934

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Threads:

My five-year plan is to just see what happens.

Freshly posted on Threads:

Name something cuter than a baby in a bucket hat on the beach.

Going bananas on X:

Men used to send love letters in the middle of wars, and now they think reassurance is too much effort.

Just landed via Messenger:

Tried Adderall to help my productivity but now I’m just intensely aware of all the things I should be doing.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

Stay humble, you are someone’s weird coworker.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

I wish my wife’s sighs came with subtitles.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

I have my own hand stamper at home so my coworkers will think I went someplace fun the night before.

Just shared via Instagram:

Are people born with photographic memories or do they take time to develop?

Spotted on WhatsApp:

Voice messages. Just call, goddamnit!

Breaking via Discord:

Commenting “Obviously AI” on pictures of happy couples.

When you are a leg-bouncer and someone asks you to stop, it’s like they’re asking you to stop your own heart.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
The struggle of not bouncing is real—it's like asking a fish not to swim! 🐟🤷‍♂️💥

asking, heart, humor, leg-bouncer, metaphor, own, someone, stop

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

When I’m on hold and the song ends, I always expect someone to pick up the phone.

0

2 months ago

always, call, call center, center, customer, customer service, expectation, hold, humor, i, on hold, phone, pick, service, someone, song, waiting
You can have glossy lips or you can have a cat. You can’t have both.

0

2 months ago

beauty, cat, choice, dilemma, glossy, glossy lip, humor, lip, lips, pet
“I asked ChatGPT.” Okay, well, I asked Jesus Christ of Nazareth.

0

2 months ago

asked, ChatGPT, christ, conversation, humor, i, Jesus, Jesus Christ, joke, okay, religious, technology, well
Steve Jobs was a vibe coder. He just prompted Steve Wozniak.

0

2 months ago

apple, coder, humor, jobs, just, prompt, steve, Steve Jobs, Steve Wozniak, technology, vibe, wozniak
Can you imagine how hot I’d be if I ate right and took care of my body? I’m not gonna do it, but can you imagine?

0

5 months ago

body, body care, care, eat, eat right, health, hot, humor, i, ID, imagination, imagine, right, self, self-care
Once I matched with a guy and ended up finding out he lived in my neighborhood, so I told him to go outside and scream, and he did. And I heard it.

0

5 months ago

dating, finding, funny story, guy, humor, i, interaction, lived, match, neighbor, neighborhood, once, outside, scream, social, social interaction, story, told

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

50 shares on Pinterest this month:

Downloading the Titanic soundtrack. It’s syncing right now.

82 shares on Snapchat this month:

If you don’t buy any snacks, you’re proud for a moment and then incredibly sad.

14 shares on Messenger this month:

Taylor Swift should write a song about people who don’t return their shopping carts to the corrals.

96 shares on Pinterest this month:

Your brain automatically translates WTF but not LOL.

95 shares on Snapchat this month:

Never miss a good chance to shut up.

37 shares on X this month:

Me to alien: I, too, try to live among people undetected.

21 shares on X this month:

Too many losers and not enough people telling them they’re losers.

86 shares on Slack this month:

I haven’t posted a selfie in a while, but I’m still very cute. Just to keep you updated.

67 shares on WeChat this month:

Toddlers negotiate like tiny mob bosses: it’s the hard way or the harder way.

25 shares on WeChat this month:

Friendly reminder to drink your water and mind your business this week.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇭 has viewed:

Went to the gym two days in a row. This is a fitness account now.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has downloaded:

Meds have done more for me than any man ever could.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has bookmarked:

I hope you catch the bouquet at my funeral.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has downloaded:

“Dress for the job you want, not for the job you have” is all well and good until you’re rocking a tutu.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has shared:

Hardest part of beekeeping is thinking of all the names.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has viewed:

I like that blood pressure kits come with a free, handy zip-up bag that your stuff will never fit in again once you take it out.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has bookmarked:

I end all my sentences with “Just saying..” because ending them with “You bonehead..” would probably be considered offensive.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has bookmarked:

Coke Zero sounds like a government pledge to eliminate fizzy drinks by 2030.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has copied:

If you’re a squatter, every day is leg day.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has shared:

Still hard to believe that access to infinite information made us dumber.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Discord:

I actually think it’s quite beautiful that you have to be the one to save yourself.

Spotted on Pinterest:

Life tip: If all of your bathrooms are full and you’re waiting for someone to finish, just turn off the WiFi in the house.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Relationships are only serious when photos are posted by a man.

Going viral on Messenger:

There’s some gifs that I’ve started to act out in real life as responses to situations.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Maybe God will gift me a boyfriend for my birthday this year.

Trending via Threads:

She was rare, like a shopping cart at the grocery without a wobbly wheel.

Breaking via X:

It’s not magic, but I bet you are reading this post with one leg on top of the other.

Spotted on YouTube:

Reverse cowgirl so I can post selfies.

Just landed via Instagram:

How did they get kids to pose for oil paintings? Mine won’t sit still for 4 seconds for a family photo.

Spotted on Reddit:

Home: Where I can look ugly and not care.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

When you are a leg-bouncer and someone asks you to stop, it’s like they’re asking you to stop your own heart.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

When I’m on hold and the song ends, I always expect someone to pick up the phone.

You can have glossy lips or you can have a cat. You can’t have both.

“I asked ChatGPT.” Okay, well, I asked Jesus Christ of Nazareth.

Steve Jobs was a vibe coder. He just prompted Steve Wozniak.

Can you imagine how hot I’d be if I ate right and took care of my body? I’m not gonna do it, but can you imagine?

Once I matched with a guy and ended up finding out he lived in my neighborhood, so I told him to go outside and scream, and he did. And I heard it.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨