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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇦🇬 has viewed:

Why does everyone always think that I know what I’m doing? Most of the time I watch myself in amazement and am curious to see what happens.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has shared:

When younger I would walk up to the counter and the bartender would know me by name. Now it’s my pharmacist.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has viewed:

In every imagination I have pictured myself in, I’m never poor.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has downloaded:

Politicians and diapers must be changed often, and for the same reason.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has viewed:

Everyone is gangster until they’re asked to reveal a “fun fact” about themself as part of a work event icebreaker.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has viewed:

I miss being able to study with complete focus for hours. Now I read one sentence and check my phone to see if penguins have legs or just feet.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has shared:

Every time a bird poops on my car, I eat a plate of wings on the front porch to show them what I’m capable of.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has copied:

Everyone is all “love is patient” during the wedding, but when there’s a long line for the open bar, not so much.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has copied:

I swear people go to Starbucks and just say random words. “Lemme get a grande iced mocha no foam quad soy hexagon vortex hypothesis with steamed ice”.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has viewed:

Elect a clown, expect a circus.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,722

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Slack:

Almost fell asleep while putting on the sweater because it got dark for a moment. That’s all you need to know about my morning state.

Making waves on Messenger:

One thing I miss about the pandemic is getting to rip my mask off like I just botched a surgery.

Going bananas on X:

Curly fries are my favorite as they’re salty and spiraling, like me.

Going viral on X:

I’m a fully functional adult with the energy levels of a hibernating bear.

Live now on Discord:

On my way to HR again for nicknaming my coworker “Mastercard” because they take credit for other people’s work.

Making waves on Discord:

Aliens are coming to Earth, people are going to the Moon, and I am still pushing on a door that says pull.

Just landed via X:

Dogs have two jobs: calm their humans when they are stressed. Stress their humans when they are calm.

Trending via Slack:

Netflix had enough cash to buy Warner Bros., but cried poor when we shared passwords with our mom.

Seen just now on X:

College is literally just you, your laptop, and your water bottle against the world.

Shared recently on YouTube:

If you’re thinking what I’m thinking, you need professional help.

When you are a leg-bouncer and someone asks you to stop, it’s like they’re asking you to stop your own heart.

2 months ago

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The struggle of not bouncing is real—it's like asking a fish not to swim! 🐟🤷‍♂️💥

asking, heart, humor, leg-bouncer, metaphor, own, someone, stop

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10 shares on Telegram this month:

My spirit animal is that bird that knocks itself unconscious flying into windows.

66 shares on Discord this month:

Person: gives compliment. Me: let me give you a brief synopsis of why you are sorely mistaken.

15 shares on Reddit this month:

There are two quantities of popcorn: not enough and what have I done

63 shares on WeChat this month:

Overthinking should at least burn calories.

18 shares on TikTok this month:

I don’t have a new year resolution, you don’t need that when you’re perfect.

30 shares on X this month:

The Bloodhound Gang were very special because its music for 12-year-old boys, but every reference requires you to be 40 years old.

98 shares on Threads this month:

People who talk about fruit having too much sugar scare me so bad. Please get back, you wicked witch!

50 shares on Messenger this month:

True romantics have made peace with the possibility of lifelong solitude.

85 shares on Telegram this month:

Winnie the Pooh had the right idea in this goddam heat. Crop top with his honey pot facing the world.

84 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I have browser tabs open that are older than you.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇫 has viewed:

It can be so healing to stay up until 3am. Unfortunately, it will also completely ruin your life.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has copied:

Someone needs to invent a kid that listens the first time.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has viewed:

I swear people go to Starbucks and just say random words. “Lemme get a grande iced mocha no foam quad soy hexagon vortex hypothesis with steamed ice”.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has shared:

“Gen Z is having less sex.” It’s always sex, sex, sex with these people.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has copied:

I know how to use an abacus as a tambourine.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has shared:

“Oh, I’d love to but I can’t.” Translation: I don’t want to so I won’t.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has bookmarked:

I love my bodyguard. I would take a bullet for him.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has downloaded:

Hey man, be careful on the trampoline, one of my buddies never came back down.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has shared:

Doctors don’t really need to hit you with that rubber hammer, it’s just how they release a lil tension through the day.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has shared:

The book characters may be fictional, but my emotional instability over them is real.

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Telegram:

I love how women can go from obsessed to not interested at all when a man makes that one wrong move.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Bro, you will never rewatch that 7-minute video you took of fireworks. Just live in the moment.

Just landed via Telegram:

I have been putting a lot of thought into it, and I just don’t think being an adult is going to work for me.

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

Yes, I’m full of microplastics, but it’s actually been helpful. It’s given me superpowers. I can communicate with Tupperware.

Going viral on Twitch:

Hello 911? Yes, my wife is forcing me to walk over to meet the neighbors.

Just landed via Reddit:

If your store’s bowl of water is just for pets, you should really put up a sign.

Seen just now on Instagram:

Women are obsessed with Love Island, but when me and my boys do it in real life, we’re disgusting cheating dogs?

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Hello darkness, my old friend. Why are you here? It’s 6:00 pm.

Spotted on Slack:

I need to drink less water. This peeing situation is out of control.

Just shared via Reddit:

Whoops, lost myself for about eight years there.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

When you are a leg-bouncer and someone asks you to stop, it’s like they’re asking you to stop your own heart.

My toxic trait is that I give my friends mental health advice when I belong in an asylum.

Never trust people who smile constantly. They’re either selling something or not very bright.

If you’re the type of person who likes to be left alone, I’m with you. Better yet, I’m not with you.

Fancy restaurants are self-esteem destroyers because good luck not leaving an embarrassing stain on the white table cloth. Ever.

Please twerk; I have just days left.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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Activity Log ✨

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

When you are a leg-bouncer and someone asks you to stop, it’s like they’re asking you to stop your own heart.

Keep the laugh going 😂

My toxic trait is that I give my friends mental health advice when I belong in an asylum.

Never trust people who smile constantly. They’re either selling something or not very bright.

I can’t flirt, but I’ll awkwardly giggle at everything you say.

If you’re the type of person who likes to be left alone, I’m with you. Better yet, I’m not with you.

Fancy restaurants are self-esteem destroyers because good luck not leaving an embarrassing stain on the white table cloth. Ever.

Please twerk; I have just days left.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨