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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇨🇿 has shared:

Just accidentally closed a tab I’ve had been meaning to read for the past 2 years.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has copied:

Like most people my age, I’m 50.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has copied:

At my age, “getting lucky” means walking into a room and remembering what you came in there for.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has bookmarked:

Shout out to all the experts on the web who know everything there is to know about absolutely everything.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has bookmarked:

We get it, comma, you went to Oxford.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has bookmarked:

Letting my wife sleep in a little longer for Mother’s Day before we wake her up and ask what’s for breakfast.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has bookmarked:

A college education is one of the few things a person is willing to pay for and not get.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

330 this month

Funny Quotes Total

14,923

Funny Quotes Topics

17,095

Funny Quotes Images

14,923

Updated

Dec 12, 2025

Users Online

3,966

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

Telling my boss I wasn’t drunk really backfired. I probably should have waited until he asked.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

I don’t argue anymore. I just agree and let the plot unfold.

Trending via Twitch:

Even when I look up the slang of today’s kids, I still have no idea what it means.

Spotted on Telegram:

A credit card is kind of like a gift card to every store.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Just read the Ten Commandments for the first time and you can’t do shit with your neighbor.

Shared recently on WeChat:

It’s not my job to tell people where they’re failing in life. It’s just a hobby.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Putting a blanket over my boss so he thinks it’s night time and goes to sleep.

Worst fears: 1. being infertile 2. being pregnant.

1 month ago

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Commentary:
When your life plan is a plot twist even you didn't see coming 🤦‍♀️😂🤰❓

1, 2, being, contradiction, fear, fears, humor, infertility, pregnancy, pregnant, worst, worst fear

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Don’t talk to me unless you are a ham sandwich.

2 months ago
conversation, food, ham, ham sandwich, humor, me, preference, sandwich, talk
You couldn’t pay me to do this year again.

1 month ago
again, experience, humor, life, me, pay, year
When I’m president, I will add an additional hour between 6 and 7pm.

1 month ago
change, funny idea, hour, humor, i, idea, politics, president, time
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

2 months ago
beauty, beer, drinking, eye, holder, humor, perception, perspective
It is so weird that every single one of us is going to die, and we are not nicer to each other.

5 months ago
behavior, death, die, every, going, humanity, irony, kindness, mortality, nicer, single, social, social behavior, us, weird
People in NYC are like, let me know if you’re ever in NYC.

3 months ago
city, city life, ever, humor, interaction, invitation, know, let, life, me, NYC, people, social, social interaction

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇸 has copied:

I love when someone is like “I’m funny because I have trauma and it’s a coping mechanism” and it’s like “Okay, not to add to your trauma, but you’re not funny!”

Someone from 🇹🇱 has viewed:

Your annoying online persona has captured my heart.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has bookmarked:

You don’t scare me. You’re not a parking garage that I can’t figure out how to get out of.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has viewed:

Actually, no one sees you at your worst like your coworkers do.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has viewed:

About 40 muscles are activated when you eat just one donut. Follow me for more fitness advice.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has shared:

I hate it when some random company refers to me as their “customer.” I’m like, look, we had one night of drunken shopping, we are not in a relationship.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has shared:

This year felt like being awake during surgery.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Slack:

The only narcissist I allow in my life is my cat.

Seen just now on Discord:

Guys, please stop wearing NASA shirts, I bet you can’t even name one of their songs.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

My hair would never allow me to commit a crime. I really do leave my DNA everywhere.

Breaking via X:

They should let you spend one night in a house before you buy/rent it, just to make sure it’s haunted.

Spotted on WeChat:

But are we sure that stomachs are meant to be flat?

Live now on Facebook:

Introducing two cats is tedium. Not interested in your dumb politics just lick each other and be normal already.

Just shared via Twitch:

Be the reason why your local woods are haunted.

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Activity Log ✨

Worst fears: 1. being infertile 2. being pregnant.

Don’t talk to me unless you are a ham sandwich.

You couldn’t pay me to do this year again.

When I’m president, I will add an additional hour between 6 and 7pm.

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Every time I see an odd screw on the floor somewhere, I think one of my loose ones has finally come out.

People who remember to drink water, what’s that like?

Steve Jobs was a vibe coder. He just prompted Steve Wozniak.

Spending money is too easy. For my bank account’s sake, I need a bridge troll to ask me three riddles before I’m allowed to buy something.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Andrew Tate is what you’d get if Axe body spray gained consciousness.

The people who upload old movies to the internet are holding society together.

If a demon ever possessed me, I’d just sit back and say, “Your problem now.”

Nothing ruins your weekend faster than remembering Monday is lurking in the shadows.

Sorry I missed your call, I was staring in horror at the screen, wondering why on earth you couldn’t just text me.

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

My exorcist thinks we should see other demons.

You ever have your knees crack so good that you expect them to glow in the dark. Yeah, me too.

I have two dogs: one dominates, the other is a subwoofer.

The Cranberries. Great band name. You pick a fruit and you get to work.

No matter how old you are, when the kitchen roll is empty, you have a telescope.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Shoutout to my kids because they aren’t listening!

Candy cigarettes really used to be a thing and we really bought them and walked around like we were smokers at the tender age of 6.

(guy who’s not even that into you) I love you.

Every day, I’m gaslit into oblivion by beautiful women, and then I go to sleep.

The closer you are to nature, the further you are from idiots.

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Worst fears: 1. being infertile 2. being pregnant.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Don’t talk to me unless you are a ham sandwich.

You couldn’t pay me to do this year again.

When I’m president, I will add an additional hour between 6 and 7pm.

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

It is so weird that every single one of us is going to die, and we are not nicer to each other.

People in NYC are like, let me know if you’re ever in NYC.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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