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Commentary:
"Me checking my account balance is like opening Pandora's box – something I'd rather leave to mystery and imagination! 💸🔮 #FinancialMystery #NoBalanceNoProblem"

account, balance, business, check, denial, finance, God, humor, money, self-awareness

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I accidentally hit a parked car, so I left them a note that said “next time it will be you”.

0

2 months ago

accident, accidentally, car, driving, hit, humor, i, irony, joke, left, mishap, next, note, parked, parked car, time, warning
Being too stressed isn’t good for the baby. I’m not pregnant though, it’s just that I’m the baby.

0

2 months ago

baby, being, good, humor, joke, just, parenting, pregnant, self-deprecation, stress, too
Main difference between me and my jokes is that folks don’t laugh at my jokes.

0

4 weeks ago

difference, folks, humor, joke, jokes, laugh, main, me, self-deprecation
“Is there anything else I can assist you with today?” No, just that one thing you couldn’t assist me with, thanks.

0

4 months ago

anything, assistance, complaint, customer, customer service, else, frustration, humor, i, just, me, sarcasm, service, thanks, thing, today
People just don’t build cities on rock and roll anymore.

0

2 months ago

city, culture, humor, just, music, nostalgia, people, rock, roll
If I was an elephant, you’d all be sorry.

0

2 months ago

animal, elephant, exaggeration, humor, i, imagination, joke, sorry

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

21 shares on X this month:

I’m not lazy, I just really enjoy doing nothing.

10 shares on Facebook this month:

I concern myself with the opinions of sheep because they are cute.

68 shares on WeChat this month:

Best thing about TikTok is you literally don’t need to follow anyone to have a good time.

43 shares on LinkedIn this month:

The worst part of getting struck by lightning is everyone seeing your skeleton.

67 shares on Threads this month:

Somebody should market a beer called “Occasionally”. So when asked, I can say, “I only drink occasionally”.

67 shares on Instagram this month:

Gonna end every insult with “but in a good way”.

96 shares on TikTok this month:

Getting your hair washed by someone else is one of life’s greatest joys no one really speaks about often.

100 shares on Discord this month:

Staring sadly at the empty ice cream bowl that’s too small for licking.

28 shares on YouTube this month:

I don’t mind being the villain in your story because you’re a clown in mine.

55 shares on Snapchat this month:

Those astronauts that just landed? They should be greeted by chimpanzees on horses.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇪 has copied:

The only fantasy I have in the bedroom these days is getting 8 hours of sleep.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has viewed:

Bro, are you a black hole, because you suck energy and light?

Someone from 🇦🇿 has copied:

The folks who write fragrance commercials must be like “I had the weirdest dream, Imma put it on TV.”

Someone from 🇰🇪 has viewed:

Ever since I was a little girl, I knew I wanted to skirt the issue.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has viewed:

Shouldn’t it have been called the ‘not answering machine’?

Someone from 🇸🇹 has downloaded:

People should be allowed to leave work early if they want to go see a movie.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has viewed:

How my weekend was? Light, dark, light, dark, Monday.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has downloaded:

They should make a Wikipedia for normal people. I should be able to google my barista.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has shared:

I’m in favor of sticking an “out of order” sign on some people’s foreheads. As a warning.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has viewed:

I suffer from awesomnia.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Threads:

Learning to be Alpha from YouTube.

Just landed via Telegram:

The closest I have ever come to bungee jumping was when I was born.

Shared recently on Twitch:

Do you ever think about how many people squeezed the avocado that you’re eating?

Seen just now on Discord:

I support robot taxis. How else are robots supposed to get around?

Live now on Discord:

You want to know how old you really feel? Stop drinking caffeine and popping Ibuprofen. Then, just wait.

Just landed via Discord:

Being sleepy all day is just part of who I am.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Sorry I’m late, I was fighting for my right to party.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

My family passed down mood swings and anxiety instead of money or houses.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

How come all the single people don’t need no one, and all the married ones need two?

Making waves on Discord:

I don’t want to do exercise, but I want to have done exercise.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

“Would you like to check your account balance?” God no. My balance is none of my business.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I accidentally hit a parked car, so I left them a note that said “next time it will be you”.

Being too stressed isn’t good for the baby. I’m not pregnant though, it’s just that I’m the baby.

Main difference between me and my jokes is that folks don’t laugh at my jokes.

“Is there anything else I can assist you with today?” No, just that one thing you couldn’t assist me with, thanks.

People just don’t build cities on rock and roll anymore.

If I was an elephant, you’d all be sorry.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨