Trending Funny Quotes 👇

  • Teens be like, “You know that crumbled up piece of paper that’s been on the table all week? I need it for school.”
  • A two-step guide to warning someone not to hit their head: 1. Wait until they’ve hit their head. 2. Say “Ooh, mind your head!”
  • 75% of being a divorce lawyer is just answering emails from clients saying, “No. No. No. You absolutely cannot do that, no.”
  • Never eat more than you can lift.
  • Letting my wife sleep in a little longer for Mother’s Day before we wake her up and ask what’s for breakfast.
  • Girl, are you an Uber driver? Because you are driving me to drink.