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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇿🇼 has shared:

Hey girl, are you an extraterrestrial? ’Cause your husband’s out here acting like you don’t exist.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has viewed:

The only thing I gained so far this year is weight.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has bookmarked:

How do they know an animal is extinct? Like, have you really looked everywhere?

Someone from 🇲🇰 has downloaded:

People who remember to drink water, what’s that like?

Someone from 🇰🇭 has shared:

Evenings after work finish too quickly, one meal, one show, and it’s already tomorrow morning.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has copied:

Every Reddit relationship post is like “My husband dropped a big piano on my head and when I emerged from the rubble my teeth had been replaced by the keys. Am I in the wrong?”

Someone from 🇨🇳 has downloaded:

Duolingo does everything except actually teach you the language.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has copied:

Your annoying online persona has captured my heart.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has bookmarked:

Blocking him isn’t enough. I need to watch his hairline recede.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has viewed:

Oh great, you brought your ancient ancestors with you.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

219 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,488

Funny Quotes Topics

17,559

Funny Quotes Images

15,488

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,402

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Telegram:

A little sign under the doorbell that says, “think twice, adventurer.”

Shared recently on Threads:

If you have any questions or concerns please don’t. Hesitate to ask.

Breaking via WhatsApp:

The most incredible thing about James Bond is the way he can walk into any hotel room and immediately know how to use the shower.

Making waves on Telegram:

It’s funny how our brains remember that we have forgotten something, but not what we have forgotten.

Just landed via Pinterest:

Interpretive dance is the best way to answer stupid questions.

Going viral on Facebook:

Congratulations on getting to the red light first. You’re special.

Just landed via Pinterest:

The closest I get to a spa day is when I’m draining pasta, and the steam smacks me in the face.

Just shared via Pinterest:

Real yearners know yearning is not actually fun.

Making waves on Snapchat:

No one declines an incoming call faster than a 3-year-old watching YouTube.

Spotted on Instagram:

Going to ask seven friends for advice and then execute my original plan.

You can’t ’48 Laws of Power’ me.

21 hours ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Trying to outsmart me, huh? Good luck, I'm still trying to outsmart my autocorrect! 😜📚💡

48, 48 Laws of Power, book, humor, laws, me, power

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

My retirement plan is 100% contingent on me finding a buried treasure at some point.

0

2 months ago

adventure, buried, buried treasure, contingency, financial, financial security, finding, humor, hunt, me, plan, point, retirement, retirement plan, security, thinking, treasure, treasure hunt, wealth, wishful, wishful thinking
I ghost family members too, so believe me, bro — it’s not personal.

0

2 months ago

believe, bro, communication, family, ghost, ghosting, humor, i, joke, me, personal, relationship, sarcasm, social, too
After 25, you’re pretty much 30.

0

2 months ago

25, 30, age, humor, life, milestone, perspective
Toys R Us went out of business because their mascot was a stupid giraffe when it could’ve been a toy dinosaur called the Toysaurus. It was right there man.

0

2 months ago

branding, business, dinosaur, giraffe, humor, man, mascot, r, right, stupid, toy, toys, Toys R Us, Toysaurus, us
Iced coffee and crying, the most Californian afternoon.

0

4 months ago

afternoon, beverage, california, coffee, crying, emotions, humor, iced, iced coffee, most
Sane is boring.

0

2 months ago

boring, fun, humor, personality, sane

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

28 shares on LinkedIn this month:

“I’ll see” = not coming, never was coming, never even considered it.

97 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Basically a lot of my problems boil down to me being really bad at waking up, and also really bad at going to sleep.

47 shares on Threads this month:

Every time I want to use a big word that I just know the meaning of, I Google it first, just in case.

72 shares on Facebook this month:

“You never text back.” No, I be reading texts from the notification bar, then forget to text back.

26 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Wish I came with subtitles because I mumble a lot.

74 shares on Twitch this month:

A big shout-out to all the beekeepers. Our unstung heroes.

40 shares on Discord this month:

Cicadas are all like, “Y’all mind if I scream?”

90 shares on Facebook this month:

“The average CEO reads 52 books a year.” Yeah, because they’ve got nothing else to do.

11 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Just because the deodorant says 48 hrs, it does not mean you have to challenge it.

60 shares on Twitch this month:

I have a date and nothing to wear. Or as Nietzsche said: If you stare into a closet long enough, the closet stares back at you.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇦 has downloaded:

You want to go out in the sun and then you can’t get the couch through the door.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has downloaded:

Why is the Formula 1 so afraid of rain? Just drive with more caution. That’s what I always do when it rains.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has copied:

80 years from now, this comment section will be full of dead people. Write anything you want.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has shared:

Nothing prepares you for the day you wake up and realize you have a favorite cardigan.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has bookmarked:

Not to be dramatic, but learning how to read has ruined my life.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has viewed:

Gosh, being a princess is exhausting.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has downloaded:

Even my imaginary friend got bored and left me a note saying ‘we should see other people’

Someone from 🇱🇾 has bookmarked:

Good news: I set an all time high today! Bad news: It’s my cholesterol.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has downloaded:

“This too shall pass.” And then some other bullshit will come and take its place. It never f**king ends.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has bookmarked:

Why are plane tickets so expensive? You’re going that way anyway, just give me a ride.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Slack:

Once I matched with a guy and ended up finding out he lived in my neighborhood, so I told him to go outside and scream, and he did. And I heard it.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

I get sad when I see how old people my age are.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Wine must breathe. I always hear that wine needs to breathe. I want to drink it and not revive it.

Broadcasted on Telegram:

Perks of dating me: you will be the hot one.

Shared recently on Reddit:

Someone should bite my inner thighs just to see what type of noises I make. For science.

Shared recently on Discord:

Whoever has my voodoo doll, please make it study.

Shared recently on Instagram:

If my wife doesn’t win anything on this $2 scratch ticket, it’s going to go down as one of the worst birthday presents ever.

Spotted on Pinterest:

Manipulative people really be like “oh, so now I’m the bad guy for being the bad guy?”

Spotted on Facebook:

I noticed you haven’t posted in a few weeks, and just wanted to thank you.

Seen just now on Threads:

Your boos don’t mean anything to me. I’ve seen what you people cheer for!

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

You can’t ’48 Laws of Power’ me.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

My retirement plan is 100% contingent on me finding a buried treasure at some point.

I ghost family members too, so believe me, bro — it’s not personal.

After 25, you’re pretty much 30.

Toys R Us went out of business because their mascot was a stupid giraffe when it could’ve been a toy dinosaur called the Toysaurus. It was right there man.

Iced coffee and crying, the most Californian afternoon.

Sane is boring.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨