You may find my attraction to Goofy weird, but I don’t give a hyuck.

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Feeling like Floyd in this May weather (illiterate and violent).

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I want to be so rich that when I see a spider in my house I won’t kill it, I’d buy another house.

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Babe, are you OK? You’ve barely touched your unread books.

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I sent you a message telepathically and you didn’t respond. Are you mad at me?

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God, please — if you don’t want someone to love me, at least make me a millionaire.

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People be like, “I’m a work in progress” and never make any progress.

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A word to the wise ain’t necessary, it’s the stupid ones who need advice.

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Taking a sip of beer and letting out a big “ahhhh” so the pregnant lady at the pool next to me knows what she’s missing.

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If only vehicles could be equipped with little blinky lights on the corners to alert other drivers the direction they wished to turn.

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It’s interesting growing up and discovering that most adults are not that clever. I had my suspicions as a kid but I didn’t think the situation was this dire.