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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇭 has viewed:

I’ve never wished a man dead, but I’ve read some obituaries with great pleasure.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has viewed:

Clubbing is a phase that you must go through and get over.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has bookmarked:

Marriages are like pancakes. Sometimes you gotta throw the first one out.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has viewed:

Forget Spotify Wrapped. How many minutes did you spend listening to your girlfriend this year?

Someone from 🇰🇳 has copied:

Instagram is just Twitter for people who go outside.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has viewed:

I don’t have red flags, I have fun facts.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has downloaded:

“I’ve tasted going back to an ex, and I’ve tasted trying to fix a relationship before it breaks. I highly recommend focusing on your career and going to sleep before 10 p.m.”

Someone from 🇳🇮 has viewed:

Monday: The only day when you can wear the same outfit from the day before without anyone noticing.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has bookmarked:

Men who tell their woman she’s pretty, for no particular reason, keep that shit up.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has shared:

I was at the cemetery when a little kid walked up to me and said she was afraid. I took her hand and told her that I used to be afraid too… when I was alive.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

234 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,503

Funny Quotes Topics

17,569

Funny Quotes Images

15,503

Updated

Jan 6, 2026

Users Online

3,342

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Had salad for the third night in a row and now I get why you’re so angry, vegans.

Making waves on Slack:

If I was an elephant, you’d all be sorry.

Trending via Threads:

Literally no one understands something more completely than a woman in a meeting who starts a question with “Just so I understand …”

Trending via Instagram:

Sometimes people just need you to be genuine with them, and I personally have no problem pretending to do that.

Spreading quickly via Threads:

If we start dating now, we could be arguing on a road trip by August.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

When I say “the other day”, it can be anytime between yesterday and my birth.

Just shared via YouTube:

Genies are a myth perpetuated by creepy lamps who just want to get rubbed more.

Making waves on Snapchat:

They should make you watch a training video and pass a little test before you’re allowed to touch the office coffee maker.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Wow, this person is full of shit. Oh, I’m on my own page.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Everyone hates drama, yet somehow the tabloids remain in business.

You wish you had this many chins.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Who needs a double chin when you can have a whole chorus line of them? 🎶 Chin chin, hooray! 🎉 #ChinsForDays"

body, body positivity, chin, funny remark, humor, positivity, remark, self-deprecation, wish

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I’m sorry you had a bad experience at our restaurant. To make it up to you, here is a coupon for more of our terrible, terrible food.

0

2 months ago

apology, bad, bad experience, coupon, customer, customer service, experience, food, here, humor, restaurant, service, sorry, terrible, terrible food
Start every meeting with, “Let’s just agree to disagree.”

0

2 months ago

agree, communication, conflict, disagree, every, humor, just, meeting, negotiation, start, workplace
A garlic a day keeps the doctor away.

0

2 months ago

away, daily, daily routine, day, doctor, food, garlic, health, humor, routine, wellness
Why can’t I explore the dentist’s mouth too?

0

2 months ago

curiosity, dental, dentist, explore, humor, i, joke, mouth, too, why
I have entirely too many new bruises for someone who isn’t getting laid.

0

2 months ago

bruise, dating, funny observation, getting, getting laid, humor, laid, new, observation, relationship, self-deprecation
People used to fly kites. Glad that’s over with.

0

5 months ago

activity, fly, fly kite, glad, humor, kite, nostalgia, over, past, past activity, people, sarcastic, sarcastic humor, used

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

24 shares on Messenger this month:

You ever have your knees crack so good that you expect them to glow in the dark. Yeah, me too.

98 shares on X this month:

Imagine earning a science degree then having to be a meteorologist who announces the prophecy of a groundhog.

83 shares on TikTok this month:

When I’m drafting a legal document, I’ll sprinkle the word “herein” all over that thing like it’s paprika.

68 shares on Twitch this month:

I can’t stop thinking about how a tanning bed really turns you into the human version of a gas station hot dog.

59 shares on Snapchat this month:

I’m often mistaken for an adult because of my age.

10 shares on X this month:

I love when dudes are named Guy. Like, yeah. Exactly.

12 shares on YouTube this month:

Roses are red, violets are blue. When I listen to rock music, my neighbors do too.

36 shares on Slack this month:

Damn, I just realized that the future idealized version of myself can’t exist without current me being the catalyst for change and doing hard things.

70 shares on Reddit this month:

Welcome to your 40s, you now don’t understand a single word anyone under 25 is saying.

51 shares on TikTok this month:

It’s not getting better or worse, but rather a third mysterious thing.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇳 has bookmarked:

Imagine being in the Trojan horse with the lads, pure darkness and giggling like hehehe

Someone from 🇸🇦 has viewed:

I’m not addicted to Twitter. I’m just a really good listener so I want to know what everyone has to say.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has bookmarked:

I woke up from a deep sleep in a panic thinking I was late for work. Thankfully, I was already there.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has viewed:

My friend and I had a running joke. She said, “Let’s do a marathon,” and then we both laughed.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has bookmarked:

And for my next trick, I will turn yesterday’s sweatpants into today’s sweatpants.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has downloaded:

I’ve just found my wide pants again. They weren’t gone at all, they’re just my tight pants now.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has copied:

Imagine sex with me. No, not like that, you’re doing it all wrong!

Someone from 🇼🇸 has copied:

I’m not lazy, I’m an inactivist.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has shared:

I’m one group chat away from vanishing into the woods to befriend forest creatures.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has copied:

Just eating the emotional support snickers bar in my purse. How about you?

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via TikTok:

That thing they say about getting drunk with the love of your life in a walkable city is no joke. It hits like crack.

Making waves on TikTok:

I hope Instagram is still active during the apocalypse, so the zombies can post pics of whose brains they’re currently eating.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

I’m always a little mean to men because, if you treat them like humans, they think you wanna sleep with them.

Live now on Facebook:

I need to be more disciplined and stop procrastinating, starting tomorrow.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Some people are living bowel movement to bowel movement.

Making waves on TikTok:

Follow your heart, but take your brain with you.

Seen just now on WeChat:

The only fantasy I have in the bedroom these days is getting 8 hours of sleep.

Seen just now on X:

To everyone I’ve wronged this year. Next year same time, same place.

Seen just now on X:

Life is really sucking the life out of me.

Going bananas on Messenger:

Doctors don’t really need to hit you with that rubber hammer, it’s just how they release a lil tension through the day.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

You wish you had this many chins.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

I’m sorry you had a bad experience at our restaurant. To make it up to you, here is a coupon for more of our terrible, terrible food.

Start every meeting with, “Let’s just agree to disagree.”

A garlic a day keeps the doctor away.

Why can’t I explore the dentist’s mouth too?

I have entirely too many new bruises for someone who isn’t getting laid.

People used to fly kites. Glad that’s over with.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨