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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇫 has shared:

My stress stresses me out to the point where I’m too stressed to deal with my stress.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has downloaded:

Sparkling water tastes like that feeling when your foot falls asleep.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has downloaded:

In a job interview, you can always respond to an awkward question with a deep gaze and parted lips, followed by “You complete me.”

Someone from 🇲🇻 has bookmarked:

I’ve walked the walk, but nowadays I just sit the sit.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has copied:

Anyone else think it’s weird how cancer kills more people than any other astrological sign.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has viewed:

It’s funny how cats have ears on top of their head, but don’t use them.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has bookmarked:

Alcohol is actually a performance-enhancing drug, but you’re not gonna like the performance.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has viewed:

Forget sexy talk. I want breakfast talk. Describe those waffles to me nice and slow.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has copied:

Thinking about writing my own eulogy because I don’t want my loved ones to say I’m a control freak.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has shared:

Never in the history of calming down has anyone calmed down after being told to calm down.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

809 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,971

Funny Quotes Topics

13,936

Funny Quotes Images

10,971

6 minutes ago

3,432

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on YouTube:

I’ll stop being so lazy when being so lazy stops being so awesome.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

I’ve reached the age where my train of thought often leaves the station without me.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Hey man, just wanted to reach out and say I loved how much you drank at my wedding last night.

Freshly posted on Discord:

Imagine how loud a centipede would be if they wore tiny little flip flops.

Seen just now on Threads:

Willem Dafoe gets to be in two different Nosferatu movies, whereas the average person doesn’t even get to be in one.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Objection your honor, if the prosecutor doesn’t have anything nice to say then he shouldn’t say anything at all.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

Went to an antique show and people started bidding on me.

Seen just now on TikTok:

I’m officially at the age where I’m not upgrading my phone until it stops working.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Welcome to your 40s, you now don’t understand a single word anyone under 25 is saying.

Shared recently on Telegram:

In other news, congrats to my therapist for securing a 4 year contract with me.

Your honor, I was in my villain era at the time of those incidents.

3 months ago

Your honor, I was in my villain era at the time of those incidents.

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Commentary:
Ah, so it appears that the infamous "villain era" defense is making a comeback in today's courtroom drama! 🦹‍♂️🕵️‍♀️ We can only wonder what mischievous deeds were carried out during this questionable phase. Your honor, could it be that the defendant's cape and twirling mustache were mere fashion statements of the times? 🎩👀 #VillainEraChronicles

confession, courtroom, defense, era, honor, humor, i, incident, time, villain

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

809 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,971

Funny Quotes Topics

13,936

Funny Quotes Images

10,971

6 minutes ago

3,445

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇧 has downloaded:

Okay, seen enough, someone put a blanket over my cage.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has copied:

They invented the word metallic, because irony was already taken.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has shared:

Some people can eat anything they want and stay slim. I put on weight just by reading the recipe.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has copied:

Sorry to any bands who see me yawn during their show. It’s not you, it’s just past 10pm.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has viewed:

Out of all my body parts, I’m sure my eyes are in the best shape. I do at least 463 eye rolls a day.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has copied:

It’s funny how when you’re at work, “Go to hell” comes out as “No problem.”

Someone from 🇲🇪 has bookmarked:

There’s nothing worse than accidentally becoming an important person at your job.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has copied:

I got my patience from waiting half the day to download a song from Limewire.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has copied:

I’ve never seen a McDonald’s or a Burger King under construction. They just show up.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has shared:

If someone steals your joke, you have to file a LOLsuit.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Reddit:

If you think someone has put a spell on you, send me $500 and I’ll get rid of it.

Trending via Pinterest:

Spring is what we call the time in between complaining about the cold and complaining about the heat.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

The rainforest cafe won’t be authentic enough for me if they don’t bulldoze 40% of the restaurant while I’m there.

Seen just now on WeChat:

Ever look at someone and think you could spend the rest of your life saying “What?” to this person?

Breaking via Instagram:

Being too stressed isn’t good for the baby. I’m not pregnant though, it’s just that I’m the baby.

Trending via Pinterest:

All billionaires must submit a list of five things they did for society in the last week or their wealth shall be confiscated.

Just shared via Telegram:

Before I drink, I eat liver so the liquor won’t know which liver to attack.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Every morning when that damn alarm clock goes off, I just feel it so much: A million-dollar inheritance suits me much better than an office job.

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

Watching a movie on the plane? No thanks. Watching my seatmate’s movie with no audio and not understanding what’s going on for over an hour? Yassss.

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

Them: I haven’t seen you in a long time. Me: You’re welcome.

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