Wordgag ツ

Commentary:
"Who needs friends when you have mold, am I right? 🤣🍄 It will always be there to keep you company, silently judging your snack choices and flourishing in the damp corners of your life. #FungusFriendsForever"

alone, companionship, humor, loneliness, mold, never

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Christmas adverts: “Eat all the food! Drink all the drink! Spoil yourself! It’s Christmas!” New year adverts: “Look at what you’ve done to yourself, you fat sack of shit!”

0

2 months ago

adverts, celebration, Christmas, contrast, done, drink, eat, fat, food, guilt, holiday, humor, irony, new, new year, sack, self, shit, spoil, weight, year, yourself
The date didn’t go well but she was nice enough to send a PDF of everything I did wrong afterwards.

0

2 months ago

awkwardness, critique, date, everything, expectations, feedback, humor, i, nice, PDF, relationship, send, well, wrong
I’m a multi-tasking procrastinator. I can put off multiple things at once.

0

2 months ago

distraction, humor, i, management, multi-tasking, multitasking, procrastinator, put, put off, things, time, time management
It’s like 10,000 yawns when all you need is a nap.

0

2 months ago

exhaustion, fatigue, humor, nap, need, rest, sleep, yawn
As long as I can dip something in something, I’m happy.

1

2 months ago

activity, dip, food, happy, i, joy, snack, something
At the art museum walking slower and observing more than anyone else.

0

2 months ago

activity, appreciation, art, art appreciation, date, else, fun, fun activity, humor, museum, observing, pace, slow, slow pace, walking

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

72 shares on TikTok this month:

My brain has too many tabs open and one of them is playing music I can’t find.

54 shares on TikTok this month:

Stop rushing in the morning. You’re starting your day in panic mode.

47 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I’m not saying I’ve aged like fine wine, but I am currently being stored in a dark place and avoiding sunlight at all costs.

73 shares on Messenger this month:

They should invent a second airport for people who have been in public before.

100 shares on Instagram this month:

Being a consultant would be fun. Like “hmmm… maybe! Here’s your invoice.”

81 shares on X this month:

The neighbor girl told my kids she wouldn’t come over until they cleaned their rooms, so I guess I do have a favorite child.

59 shares on Reddit this month:

The first person to see a peacock spread his tail probably had a heart attack.

74 shares on Slack this month:

Did you guys hear about the “internet”? Apparently, you can say literally anything there.

26 shares on Discord this month:

We should make a new internet that’s as hard to use as the old internet was, so anyone that’s too stupid to have used the internet 20 years ago can’t get on it.

20 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇳 has viewed:

Most of Twitter could probably use a good bop on the nose with a rolled-up newspaper.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has bookmarked:

I drink my coffee black because I like to save my calories for alcohol.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has downloaded:

Stop asking people over 40 what we like to do for fun. You’re not gonna like the answer.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has downloaded:

I need to have a ginger ale about this.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has downloaded:

Why is bacon called bacon and cookies called cookies if you cook bacon and bake cookies?

Someone from 🇹🇱 has shared:

Gnocchi: The small, chubby children of spaghetti and potatoes.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has viewed:

Always be kind. You never know who has subscriptions to your favorite streaming apps.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has copied:

The trick of life is to get the sports car before you have to grunt getting in and out of it.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has downloaded:

If I had today’s mind, I wouldn’t have made yesterday’s mistake. But if I hadn’t made yesterday’s mistake, I wouldn’t have today’s mind.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has viewed:

As parents we have to make sacrifices all the time. Today, I had to eat my kid’s ice cream because she couldn’t finish it.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Pinterest:

I love being home and doing absolutely nothing and never contributing to society.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

It actually is crazy how many people I know would benefit from being visited by three ghosts.

Spotted on Threads:

I like to put “No DMs” in my bio to pretend that I’m attractive.

Trending via Facebook:

Boy, did The Shining nail what it’s like being an only child.

Going bananas on Snapchat:

Me (young, naive): “I hope something good happens.” Me (now): “I hope whatever bad happens is at least funny.”

Freshly posted on YouTube:

If you’re out shopping this week, be nice to the retail workers. It’s not their fault you waited to shop until Mary’s water broke.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

You ran a half marathon? That’s really cool, I’ve almost finished a bunch of things, too.

Just landed via Threads:

I forgot how to panic. Help!

Just shared via Pinterest:

Why do fish stink so much even though they bathe their whole lives?

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

During winter, it’s either lazy starvation or eight thousand calories in one sitting.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

You’re never alone. There’s mold.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Christmas adverts: “Eat all the food! Drink all the drink! Spoil yourself! It’s Christmas!” New year adverts: “Look at what you’ve done to yourself, you fat sack of shit!”

The date didn’t go well but she was nice enough to send a PDF of everything I did wrong afterwards.

I’m a multi-tasking procrastinator. I can put off multiple things at once.

It’s like 10,000 yawns when all you need is a nap.

As long as I can dip something in something, I’m happy.

At the art museum walking slower and observing more than anyone else.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨