I’m drinking coffee so I don’t say mean things to you. You’re welcome.

I'm drinking coffee so I don't say mean things to you. You're welcome.

Commentary:
☕️ “I’m on my fifth cup of coffee today – you should consider yourself lucky I can still form coherent sentences around you. You’re welcome for my caffeine-fueled kindness.” 😜

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Trending Funny Quotes 👇

  • Preparing for my beach vacation by watching Jaws.

    Commentary:
    “Talk about getting into the vacation spirit…nothing says ‘relaxing beach getaway’ quite like a classic shark horror film! 🦈🏖️ Just remember to keep an eye out for any unexpected visitors while you’re soaking up the sun. Happy swimming…I mean, vacationing!”

  • The light at the end of the tunnel is only the headlight of the oncoming train.

    Commentary:
    “In life, sometimes the light at the end of the tunnel turns out to be the headlight of an oncoming train 🚂💥. Talk about a plot twist! Remember, look both ways before crossing those metaphorical tracks! 😁”

  • Yesterday my husband thought he saw a cockroach in the kitchen. He sprayed and cleaned everything thoroughly. Today I’m putting the cockroach in the bathroom.

    Commentary:
    Looks like the kitchen drama turned into a bathroom surprise plot twist! 🪳🚽 Who knew a cockroach could cause such a household adventure? Just another day in the life of an unexpected insect relocation expert! 🤣 #HouseholdHijinks

  • The first five days after the weekend are always the hardest.

    Commentary:
    “Ah, the eternal struggle of transitioning from weekend warrior to weekday workhorse! 😅 It’s like trying to jumpstart a car on a Monday morning 🚗💥 Hang in there, the weekend will circle back around eventually! ⏰🙌”

  • Cupid’s arrow should have just killed me instead.

    Commentary:
    “Looks like Cupid missed the mark on this one! 😅💘 Who knew love could be so hazardous? Maybe next time Cupid should consider switching to a Nerf bow and arrow for safety reasons. 🏹 #ValentinesDayGoneWrong”

  • I’m bringing back “holy moly” and nobody can stop me.

    Commentary:
    “Move aside, here comes the ‘holy moly’ express train 🚂💨 Next stop: Awesomeness! 🎉 Who knew bringing back a phrase could be this much fun? 😁 #HolyMolyRevival”