Trending Funny Quotes 👇

  • Can you imagine how hot I’d be if I ate right and took care of my body? I’m not gonna do it, but can you imagine?
  • When I tell a joke that doesn’t land, I follow up with a worse one to make my audience realize how good they had it with the first joke.
  • Returning to Twitter is like coming back to a dysfunctional family.
  • Some people stay longer in a toilet than in a relationship.
  • I don’t just hold a grudge; I love it, pet it, feed it and take it for long walks on the beach.
  • January 1st: anything is possible. January 2nd: but not today.