Trending Funny Quotes 👇

  • Today in who needs an alarm: my kid woke me up early by scream-whispering WHAT IS DUST?
  • Lifting my wife’s wedding veil and finding out she’s Darth Maul.
  • I’m only here while I wait for that Nigerian prince to follow through on his end of the bargain.
  • I usually decompose after work rather than decompress.
  • Today I bought a doughnut without sprinkles. This diet thing is hard.
  • If you want your teen to finish her homework, tell her to fold the laundry.