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Someone from has bookmarked:

So you mean to tell me a stress ball isn’t for throwing at people who stress you out?

Someone from has viewed:

If stress burned calories, I’d be a supermodel by now.

Someone from has viewed:

Some days you are the table and some days you are the toe.

Someone from has downloaded:

I never knew how fast I could write until the teacher said pencils down.

Someone from has shared:

Yes officer, I’d like to file a restraining order against my dentist’s appointment reminder system.

Someone from has downloaded:

All of my passwords are protected by short-term memory loss.

Someone from has downloaded:

I tell people I rearrange my furniture to change things up, but we all know it’s to annoy my husband.

Someone from has shared:

It’s crazy I need a certificate to prove I was born when you can literally just look at me.

Someone from has copied:

We went on a family vacation and it was a terrible experience. It was all whining, complaining, and tantrums. And don’t get me started on what my kids did.

Someone from has viewed:

Justice is a dish best served cold. If it were served warm, it would be justwater.

Funny Quotes Data

New Funny Quotes

703 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,865

Funny Quotes Topics

13,843

Funny Quotes Images

10,865

7 minutes ago

3,435

Social Media Log

Freshly posted on Slack:

If you want to know what God thinks of money, look at the people he gave it to.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

I am so tired ever my tiredness is tired.

Spotted on Messenger:

Is ChatGPT down for anyone else? I’m a neurosurgeon in the middle of brain surgery.

Shared recently on TikTok:

The problem with rich people is that I am not one.

Making waves on Reddit:

Do married people watch Gen Z dating and feel like they caught the last chopper out of Nam?

Reported on Instagram:

I wonder what other animals we tried to ride before discovering that horses were cool with it.

Just shared via Slack:

You can’t scare me; you’re not my credit card bill.

Going viral on Snapchat:

How did they get kids to pose for oil paintings? Mine won’t sit still for 4 seconds for a family photo.

Shared recently on Threads:

I like how “energy bars” are really just candy bars, and we all pretend to not notice.

Seen just now on Facebook:

I’m just impressed by how ugly I’m willing to look in public these day.

Attention: will the owner of a small blue planet with tectonic plates please attend to your vehicle. It is overheating.

5 months ago

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Attention: will the owner of a small blue planet with tectonic plates please attend to your vehicle. It is overheating.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Oh dear, it seems like Mother Earth is feeling a bit overheated from all that tectonic plate activity! Maybe it's time for a planetary pit stop and some cool-down time in the cosmic garage. Attention, dear planet owner – your ride needs some TLC! #EarthMaintenance #CosmicCarTroubles

attention, blue, galaxy, humor, overheating, owner, planet, plate, small, tectonic, tectonic plate, vehicle

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Tonight I wanted to stop drinking but then I remembered the owner of the pub has a family to feed.
I love my cat, but I hope in her next life she’s reincarnated as the owner of a very whiny cat.
My laptop is overheating because I am doing a really good job.

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Share → : I bet oiling and wrapping potatoes in aluminum foil feels so good for the potato.

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New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up.

Trending Funny Quotes

If you think swimming with dolphins is expensive, you should try swimming with sharks. It cost me an arm and a leg!
Go ahead. Order anything you want. Money is no object when we dine at IKEA.
Age is just a number that you keep off of Facebook after 35.
“Be the bigger person” sounds too much like “accept the disrespect”.
We are both insane on the web, I think we can make it work.

Hot Funny Quotes

Forget sexy talk. I want breakfast talk. Describe those waffles to me nice and slow.
One of the benefits of being my friend is that you can come to my house in your pajamas, no make-up, and look like crap and I won’t judge you.
Remember when we had to smack the TV because the channel wasn’t coming in clearly? I feel that way about far too many people.
Group projects in school weren’t meant to teach you teamwork, they were meant to teach you how to deal with the incompetence of your coworkers in the workplace.
They should remove the sex scenes from movies and then put them all into one big super sex scene movie they can show in theaters at the end of the year.

Trending Topics

activity communication day food fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media need people procrastination relationship sarcasm social someone technology think time want work

Funny Quotes Data

New Funny Quotes

703 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,865

Funny Quotes Topics

13,843

Funny Quotes Images

10,865

7 minutes ago

3,443

Funny Quotes of the Month

Always be kind. You never know who has a pool.
Thanks to AI, some of us went from being told by our parents not to trust the internet to having to tell our parents not to trust the internet.
Another beautiful day, ruined by responsibility.
Whatever y’all heard about me, I’m way worse.
You truly don’t realize how young 20 is until you’re not 20 anymore.

Funny Quotes of the Year

If I’m ever found dead in the woods, it’s probably because I was trying to pet a bear.
I have now learned the moonwalk. It’s visually the coolest way to get fresh dog poop off the soles of your shoes.
Wife is temporary. Being the hot EX is forever.
‘Tis the season to wrap objects in colorful paper with the fine motor skills of a T-Rex.
Bringing a fitted sheet to a knife fight.

Activity Log

Someone from has copied:

I can’t date until the curse is lifted.

Someone from has bookmarked:

My son just turned an everything bagel into an everywhere bagel.

Someone from has copied:

Where can one find a sugar daddy? Asking for a friend.

Someone from has viewed:

I will never understand people’s fascination with their ancestry, isn’t knowing your current family bad enough.

Someone from has copied:

There should be a day between Sunday and Monday called Hang on a Second.

Someone from has bookmarked:

Giving every single movie I watch a five star review because it’s just such a joy to be alive.

Someone from has bookmarked:

“Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go” by “Wham” encourages you to do something you shouldn’t do.

Someone from has viewed:

I don’t follow washing instructions, you’re my clothes you don’t tell me what to do.

Someone from has shared:

Captain America taught me that I just need to take performance enhancing drugs to be loved by everyone.

Someone from has shared:

My mama didn’t raise a quitter, she raised a burnt out perfectionist who is sometimes bludgeoned into settling for mediocrity.

Social Media Log

Just landed via Snapchat:

I’m a single issue voter. I’m single and it’s an issue.

Just shared via Telegram:

Living up to your potential sounds exhausting.

Just landed via X:

Loving her was my second biggest mistake. Not buying Bitcoins in 2010 still remains the first.

Trending via TikTok:

Maybe the clouds, trees, and flowers love looking at you too.

Spotted on Facebook:

I ate my exam paper. Which means that pretty soon I’ll pass the test.

Live now on Discord:

Before Facebook, we would hold people hostage inside our homes by showing them photo albums of our vacation.

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

“Can’t wait till I get older” was the dumbest thing I ever said.

Making waves on Discord:

The closest thing I’ve had to a personal trainer is the ice cream truck that drove past my house.

Just shared via Threads:

For Valentine’s Day, I’m gift-wrapping a shirt my husband hasn’t worn in years. It’s the thought that counts—and technically, I thought of it twice.

Spotted on Twitch:

Food gives you energy to nap more.

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