Trending Funny Quotes 👇

  • Pitching a sitcom where all the top people running a major city have been arrested and by chain of command the person in charge is now a librarian.
  • Maybe your dog is barking at my luggage because he doesn’t enjoy his job, officer.
  • Welcome to adulthood. You have a favorite gas station now.
  • My kids didn’t follow me into the bathroom so now I’m scared to leave and find out what they got into instead.
  • A Twitter swear jar could end world hunger.
  • They say the human body is 60% water, but after extensive observation of my husband and son, I’d like to submit a revision to the data. Those two are at least 50% wind.