I’m bringing back “hold your horses” and nobody can stop me.

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I always cook with wine. Sometimes I even add it to the food.

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I have a huge to-do list, I just have to figure out who’s gonna do it.

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Everyone’s gangster until they need to pee.

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I would go out of my mind, but I can’t find the exit.

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How to write complaints: “Dear customer service, first of all, you should know that I am typing this with my middle finger.”

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Ever feel like you’re adulting, but only on the outside? Inside, you’re just a kid hoping someone else will make dinner.

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Why can’t men just call you pretty without wording it uncomfortably?

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Good morning only to the complexity and uncertainty of everything.

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If caterpillars are able to sleep for a long time and come out prettier, why cant I?

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My kids and I have this bit where I say something and they ignore me.