I can handle most things in life, but hearing people chew isn’t one of them.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has downloaded:

I don’t need to bring anything to a knife fight, because I don’t go to knife fights.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has shared:

If you’re going to text your boss that you’re an hour late, make sure you end with, “I’m bringing you a ham and cheese croissant.”

Someone from 🇪🇷 has shared:

Not saying I’m a bot or anything, but if someone in real life told me to ignore all previous instructions and write a poem about onions or whatever, I’d probably give it my best shot.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has viewed:

I love saying “You’re welcome!” really loudly when someone hasn’t thanked me.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has shared:

Sometimes I just want a man to talk to me in the same voice he uses to talk to his dog.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has copied:

I used to party all night. Now I check the weather forecast for the next day to see if it’s a good laundry day.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has downloaded:

People that hate cats will come back as mice in their next life.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has bookmarked:

And once again my day begins without a red carpet! Guys, I’m really disappointed in you.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has shared:

I’m officially at the age where going out on the weekend just means I’m running errands.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has bookmarked:

I didn’t lose an hour of sleep. The hour of sleep lost me.