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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇲🇰 has shared:

Lies I tell myself: Just one more cookie. Just one more movie. Just one more minute.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has downloaded:

A garlic a day keeps the doctor away.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has bookmarked:

Unfair that the older I get, the clearer photo quality gets.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has bookmarked:

I did nothing wrong. I tried to do nothing and did it wrong.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has bookmarked:

Dry January is so funny. People are like, “How can I make the worst month of the year even worse?”

Someone from 🇨🇦 has viewed:

I’m glad it’s not snowing. I can’t imagine shoveling snow in this heat.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has bookmarked:

How many jokes about lightbulbs does it take to change us?

Someone from 🇲🇾 has shared:

Hey man, your fly is down. Let me get that for you.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has downloaded:

Tomorrow isn’t promised, we need to flirt today.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has bookmarked:

I should have peed before I left, and other things I’ll never learn: A memoir

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

768 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,930

Funny Quotes Topics

13,902

Funny Quotes Images

10,930

Updated

10 minutes ago

Users Online

3,418

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on WhatsApp:

Today, I noticed that the cover of my ironing board was wrinkled, and I laughed at the irony. Then I laughed again because of the word “irony.”

Going viral on WeChat:

Every time the universe sends me a sign, I’m like, okay, but I think I’ll wait for a signier sign.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Just rolled over for a cuddle.. forgot I’m single… fell off the bed.

Making waves on Twitch:

Unlike the brain, the stomach alerts you when it’s empty.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

My goal weight is getting a magician to saw me in half.

Making waves on Discord:

What idiot called it Catfishing your Tinder Contacts and not Playing With Matches?

Breaking via Discord:

They need to increase life expectancy so I can squeeze in another mid-life crisis.

Just landed via Slack:

There are two types of people at work: Those who work and those who have become pros at looking busy.

Seen just now on YouTube:

I really feel like we need to have more fun in life, because literally nothing matters.

Live now on TikTok:

Not eating the cookie I’m craving. I better wake up skinny tomorrow.

Group projects taught me how to do everything alone and trust no one.

1 week ago

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Commentary:
"Mastering the art of solo teamwork! 😅✌️ #TrustIssues101"

alone, collaboration, everything, frustration, group, group project, humor, independence, learning, me, project, solo, taught, teamwork, trust

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Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇺 has bookmarked:

I hope we get the nice AI that enslaves us and makes us their pets and not the bad AI that enslaves us to mine lithium or something.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has viewed:

Decorated the house across the street so I can look out the window and enjoy my handiwork.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has viewed:

Remember when we had to smack the TV cause it wasn’t coming in clearly? I feel that way about too many people.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has bookmarked:

All I’m dealing with is broken people. Lord, if I’m a mechanic, please tell me.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has copied:

I just need a day between everyday… to recover from the day before… just so I can prepare for the day coming.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has copied:

Having hoes in different area codes sounds really exhausting.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has bookmarked:

Start every phone call with “My battery is at 5%” so you can hang up whenever you want.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has bookmarked:

I’m not good with plants or people, but I am good with books and buffets.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has copied:

My fondest childhood memory is being able to sleep through the entire night and waking up rested.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has viewed:

Do you think they’re called cough drops because when you cough really hard they drop out of your mouth onto the floor?

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Instagram:

I want someone to care for me as much as Netflix cares if someone has logged into my account from another device.

Just landed via Discord:

If you’re having trouble finding the match to one of your socks, throw it away and the missing one will immediately show up. Follow me for more life hacks.

Just shared via YouTube:

By the time someone says, ‘To make a long story short,’ it’s too late.

Seen just now on Instagram:

Stop blaming others for your mistakes. Study Feng Shui and blame the furniture.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

I have almost 100,000 miles on my office chair. So I got that going for me.

Making waves on Snapchat:

Nothing bores me like twins who don’t look alike, you should’ve just dropped later if you’re not going to participate.

Making waves on TikTok:

Just burned 2,000 calories trying to avoid someone I know at Walmart.

Trending via Instagram:

Don’t go chasing waterfalls? The place where many video games hide easter eggs and other rare items?

Breaking via Messenger:

If you wake up early enough, you can go back to sleep for a few hours. Not everyone knows this.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

My career goal is to be able to just delete my LinkedIn account at some point.

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Group projects taught me how to do everything alone and trust no one.

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Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Imagine being all knowing and still putting a snake in charge of apples.

Men with bibles names be the worst type of people.

If chickens knew how good they tasted, they would understand.

I don’t abuse substances. I cherish and nurture them.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

And what do we do when we are sad? “Add to cart”

Naps are tricky. Either you wake up relaxed and refreshed, or you have a headache, a dry throat and no idea what year it is.

Are you even a parent if you’ve never carried your child out of a store sideways like a surfboard?

When your parents are on a call and they ask for a pen, man, that pressure is real.

They should let me go inside everyones house just to see.

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Spent 20 minutes training ChatGPT to write the perfect anniversary note for my wife, so don’t try to tell me I’m not romantic.

Pirate: walks the plank. Someone’s dad: Is this teak?

If I had a boyfriend, I’d watch him dig a hole at the beach and be like, “Wowww, baby, good job. That’s a beautiful hole.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

They should invent a day where I don’t think.

While a leaf blower is a close second, my preferred cleaner is a flamethrower.

Relationships: Because sometimes destroying your life is a two person job.

These days I just accept the website cookies without any protest. Website is like Grandma, I’m not gonna fight with you.

Hairless cats look like the devil screwed up a possession.

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Group projects taught me how to do everything alone and trust no one.

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