I hate when I turn my car on in the morning and the music starts blasting, and I am like, “Whoooah, big fella, I’m not the same person I was last night.”

Someone from 🇸🇱 has bookmarked:

For Valentine’s Day, I’m gift-wrapping a shirt my husband hasn’t worn in years. It’s the thought that counts—and technically, I thought of it twice.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has downloaded:

Got possessed by a demon once, and everyone was like, “OMG, did you do something with your hair?”

Someone from 🇹🇲 has downloaded:

One minute you’re young and fun and the next, you need a tow out of a beanbag chair.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has shared:

Went to an antique show and people started bidding on me.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has copied:

Normalise following up to an ignored email with “helllooooooo?”

Someone from 🇦🇴 has shared:

I just ate, and now I’m going swimming, so I guess this is goodbye.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has viewed:

Facebook is like a never-ending high school reunion.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has downloaded:

Bro, you’re not allowed anymore to have your tongue drop out of your mouth and form a stair case when you see my wife.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has viewed:

This meeting should’ve been a fist fight.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has downloaded:

Mr. Beast is like if they made Dubai into a person.