I birthed my kid faster than she can put on shoes.

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At the first signs of a sore throat, you should be given the option of just skipping four days into the future.

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I was abducted by aliens. They made me wash my hands, clean my room, and eat my vegetables. Turns out I was on the mothership.

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It doesn’t matter how bizarre your situation is. Somebody on Reddit already been there, done that.

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My search history is filled with me googling regular words just to make sure I’m using them right.

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He’s a 10 but so is his volume.

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Being gracefully insane is the secret to a happy life.

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The more you embrace your crazy side, the more fun life becomes.

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People keep inviting me to stuff. I miss the pandemic.

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Doctor advised me to stop drinking. This is going to be a big change for me. I was with that doctor for decades.

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Maybe the reason you haven’t found your soulmate is because you don’t have a soul.