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Someone from 🇸🇹 has bookmarked:

They should invent someone who holds me.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has bookmarked:

I don’t think humans were put on this earth to know what Salesforce is. It’s unnatural.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has copied:

Welcome to your 40s: your chin looks lonely, here’s another one.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has shared:

I set my alarms extra early to make sure I have enough time to lay in bed and be angry about having to wake up.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has copied:

I love how all the movies about teenagers have to be set in the 90s or earlier otherwise we’d just be watching kids on their phones for two hours.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has downloaded:

World domination? I don’t even want to be responsible for myself.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has shared:

I’m never drinking again, unless something is going on later today.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has copied:

So apparently if they ask “do you trust me?”, replying with “well, I trust you to be you” is the incorrect response.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has copied:

ChatGPT, what do you do when you find out your boyfriend’s been using ChatGPT to write you messages?

Someone from 🇦🇺 has viewed:

I don’t abuse substances. I cherish and nurture them.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

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Funny Quotes Total

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Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Slack:

If you get drunk and message your ex, don’t worry. When you wake up, send bitcoin ads and pretend you were hacked.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

It’s too bad he never woke up and chose violence. “Bob Ross, mob boss” has a nice ring to it.

Shared recently on Reddit:

My child had pancakes and syrup for breakfast so I guess I’ll be sticking to my furniture for the next week.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

My superpower is to make anyone I wanna make comfortable feel uncomfortable.

Seen just now on Messenger:

It’s important that everyone takes really good pictures of me this summer.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Apartments show you 44 pics of the lobby. Man, I ain’t living in there.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

I now have Taylor Swift as my alarm. Now I always wake up five minutes earlier so I don’t have to listen to it.

Shared recently on Messenger:

I deal with my personal problems the same way I study for tests, I don’t.

Just landed via Messenger:

According to my kids’ Christmas lists, they think this parenting gig pays pretty well.

Going viral on Pinterest:

Getting left on read really gives me perspective on what Nigerian princes go through.

If you respond, “A reason for living,” when a store employee asks if they can help you find something, they will leave you alone.

6 days ago

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Commentary:
Well, I guess that's one way to avoid the 'Can I help you?' inquiry! 😆🛍️🚶‍♂️

alone, customer, customer service, employee, help, humor, interaction, joke, leave, living, prank, reason, respond, response, service, shopping, social, social interaction, something, store, store employee

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Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇾 has viewed:

Welcome to your 40s. “I’m too old for this shit” is now your excuse and explanation for everything.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has viewed:

Anyone who deals with customers on a professional basis should be allowed to hand out one face slap per day.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has copied:

Taking the day off to brush up on conspiracy theories and really get this Thanksgiving party started.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has downloaded:

I was walking near a construction site today and heard the foreman yell, “You’re doing a good job!” I know that was meant for me.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has copied:

First rule for the new year is to not dwell on what went wrong this year.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has viewed:

Remember when we had to smack the TV cause it wasn’t coming in clearly? I feel that way about too many people.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has copied:

My sleeping pattern isn’t even a pattern anymore. It’s a lifestyle.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has bookmarked:

Biblical loophole: It’s not premarital sex if you never intend to get married.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has bookmarked:

Where can one find a sugar daddy? Asking for a friend.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has downloaded:

The sexual tension between my tendency to do something stupid and my resolve not to.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on YouTube:

I’m sorry that I’m canceling plans. I made them last week when I assumed that, by now, I’d be a different person.

Just landed via TikTok:

Cashews are my favorite because they’re salty and hunched over just like me.

Spotted on Discord:

About 40 muscles are activated when you eat just one donut. Follow me for more fitness advice.

Just landed via Snapchat:

Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as gods. Cats have never forgotten this.

Seen just now on Facebook:

If your first child is uncomplicated, then it’s a trick of nature to get you to have a second child. The second will be an unpredictable bundle of energy that seems to get by without sleep.

Breaking via Telegram:

Nothing is riskier than closing your eyes again in the morning for that extra minute of sleep.

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

I’ve been dieting for a little over a week and I already gained three pounds.

Making waves on Telegram:

Noise cancelling headphones but for when the noises are coming from inside your head.

Just shared via Telegram:

When exactly does wisdom kick in? I feel like I’m just getting older.

Reported on WeChat:

My husband was unable to find his coat earlier as he’d accidentally hung it up.

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If you respond, “A reason for living,” when a store employee asks if they can help you find something, they will leave you alone.

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Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Welcome to adulthood. You have a favorite gas station now.

It’s beginning to cost a lot like Christmas.

I took the first step towards cleaning out my closet today. I went in there and looked it over good.

Some people graduate with honors, I am just honored to graduate.

Needs to be a Google Maps setting where you can ask them not to make you take a left across four lanes of oncoming traffic.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

It’s amazing, when it’s your birthday you really feel the love from family, friends, lovers, former dentists, yoga studios and various smootheries.

I don’t have red flags, I have fun facts.

Smoking will kill you. Bacon will kill you. Ironically, smoking bacon will cure it.

I wish I was a moose. No work, no school, just eating grass and wrecking cars.

Remember, when asking for a raise, it is considered customary to be sober.

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Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

The fact that I procrastinate and still get the job done is the reason I still procrastinate.

You can’t tell me there’s anything better than earplugs; I simply will not hear it.

I can’t explain how it works, but one day, you just wake up and like sauerkraut.

Call me dramatic, but I think I deserve a love confession in the rain.

The masculine urge to make a woman sit through a YouTube video that she will not find funny or entertaining.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Can’t, I’m pulling it together.

Hello! I’m Britain’s greatest spy and my catchphrase is: I tell you my real surname, then my real forename, then my real surname again, in case you missed it.

That very depressing moment when you find out the fire alarm that went off at work was just a test.

Due to foreseen circumstances well within my control I will be late.

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If you respond, “A reason for living,” when a store employee asks if they can help you find something, they will leave you alone.

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