Needing to rant and not wanting anyone to know your business is such a crazy combo.

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Adult life sucks. Friends don’t even ask to see how fast you can run in your new shoes anymore.

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I don’t always carry all the groceries on one arm, but when I do, my keys are in the wrong pocket.

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There should be a zoo that has people from every country in it.

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This meeting could have been an unread email.

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Serious replies to silly posts are now illegal. Go talk to your wife.

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“I’m not falling for that again,” I say, as I’m about to fall for whatever that is again.

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Please do not test me. I’ve been saving up my rage like PTO.

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Once you understand why pizza is made round, packed in square boxes, and eaten as a triangle, then you will understand women.

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No one trashes your name better than the person who is terrified that you are going to tell people the truth.

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The one thing I think most parents need to realize is, there’s absolutely no secrets that your child doesn’t share about you in the classroom.