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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log โœจ

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฒ๐Ÿ‡ฉ has viewed:

Buying something nice for myself, cuz today wouldโ€™ve been my birthday if I was born today.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฒ๐Ÿ‡บ has bookmarked:

If they can make a nuclear reactor small enough to power a submarine, why can’t they make one for my house?

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡จ๐Ÿ‡ญ has bookmarked:

No one watches your story faster than someone who doesnโ€™t talk to you.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ธ๐Ÿ‡ฒ has viewed:

The day I start waking up early itโ€™s over for you all.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ช๐Ÿ‡น has viewed:

Oops, I think Iโ€™ve had a little too much to think.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฌ๐Ÿ‡ช has copied:

When I die, I want to come back as a speed bump so I can piss people off.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ญ๐Ÿ‡ท has copied:

If you are hotter than me, it means I’m cooler than you.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡น๐Ÿ‡ญ has bookmarked:

That looks like a problem for someone else.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฟ๐Ÿ‡ฒ has bookmarked:

If I ever die on some hill, rest assured, something fishy is going on.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฏ๐Ÿ‡ฒ has viewed:

If I’m ever murdered, feel comfort in knowing I ran my mouth until the bitter end.

Funny Quotes Data ๐Ÿค“

New Funny Quotes

2405 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,567

Funny Quotes Topics

15,241

Funny Quotes Images

12,567

Updated

60 minutes ago

Users Online

3,464

Social Media Log ๐Ÿ’ซ

Trending via Twitch:

You are born, you lie about how you are and then you die.

Live now on Snapchat:

Are you just gonna go with the flow until you spiral down the drain?

Live now on Messenger:

I thought you are the sunshine of my life, but you are just a meteor trying to destroy my world.

Just landed via Discord:

Iโ€™m getting close to that age where people applaud the things Iโ€™m โ€œstill able to doโ€.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Being single past 30 is like playing hide and seek, except no one is looking for you.

Breaking via Threads:

Lady on the streets, Cheeto crumbs in my sheets.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

People drive you insane and then say “see, I told you that you’re insane.”

Spotted on WhatsApp:

Managed to empty the vegetable drawer of the fridge before something there takes on a life of its own.

Spotted on WeChat:

Why go to the art museum when I can just stare at you?

Seen just now on Discord:

Getting to know someone these days is impossible. No one is really single, everyone has something going on, is hung up on their ex or is otherwise damaged in some way.

What are cats even trying to do?

What are cats even trying to do?
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Commentary:
Trying to break into the nap Olympics and master the art of ignoring humans! ๐Ÿฑ๐Ÿ˜ด๐ŸŽฏ

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Welcome to Wordgag! ๐Ÿ˜‰โœŒ๏ธ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ’ฅ

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Funny Quotes Data ๐Ÿค“

New Funny Quotes

2405 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,567

Funny Quotes Topics

15,241

Funny Quotes Images

12,567

Updated

60 minutes ago

Users Online

3,438

Funny Quotes of the Month ๐Ÿš€

Funny Quotes of the Year โญ

Activity Log โœจ

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฑ๐Ÿ‡ฆ has bookmarked:

I came, I saw, I took a selfie as proof that I came and saw.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฎ๐Ÿ‡ธ has shared:

Twitter is fun because you can post a pic of pizza and people will get mad at you.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ณ๐Ÿ‡ท has shared:

If I say, “First of all,” run away, because I have prepared peer-reviewed research, data, and charts, and I will destroy you.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ธ๐Ÿ‡ฐ has bookmarked:

Bob was hungry. He ripped open a new bag of tortillas only to discover a convenient, resealable opening on the other end.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฒ๐Ÿ‡ญ has viewed:

Tested positive for needing a kiss.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฒ๐Ÿ‡ฉ has copied:

A chocolate advent calendar is a test of restraint that I simply do not have.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ง๐Ÿ‡ฆ has downloaded:

Y’all are single because y’all are looking for 90’s love in this sick generation.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฒ๐Ÿ‡จ has shared:

Going to the beach the day after watching Jaws hits different.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ซ๐Ÿ‡ฎ has downloaded:

When a woman texts you three questions, you should only answer one. She will love that.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡จ๐Ÿ‡ฆ has shared:

I don’t have time for anything that doesn’t set my soul on fire.

Social Media Log ๐Ÿ’ซ

Broadcasted on Telegram:

Getting a key tattoo, but getting it covered up with a doormat tattoo, so no one ever finds it.

Spotted on Instagram:

Maybe if I spend another day alone in my room then something life-changing will suddenly happen to me!?

Shared recently on Slack:

They said donโ€™t try this at home, so Iโ€™m coming over to your place.

Just shared via Twitch:

Honestly, I don’t even play an active role in my life any more. Things just happen and I’m like “I guess this is what we’re doing now.”

Shared recently on Pinterest:

I need new friends. The old ones know too much.

Spotted on Instagram:

Celebrating Presidentโ€™s Day by not doing anything I promised I would.

Breaking via WeChat:

Dating apps arenโ€™t working, time to start drinking beer and eating hot dogs along the first base line at a baseball game.

Seen just now on Facebook:

Everyone wants a drunk text until Iโ€™m doing it at noon.

Just landed via Snapchat:

Some women seated next to me are gossiping in French. They obviously think Iโ€™m some dumb American who doesnโ€™t speak French and they are correct.

Spotted on Facebook:

I’d never pick the lesser of two evils because that means they’re not even good at being evil either.

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